Title: Random Rambleing from an Incoherent Mind

A/N ….don't kill me

Disclaimers: I own nothing.


To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,

In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,

Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,

From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

-- W. S. Gilbert

I remember still learning that tongue twister, we couldn't have been older than 9 when out master instructed us in it. Only now nearly 20 years later it's so much more than some silly riddle he had us learn for focus and breathing.

You see that pestilential prison is my home, and sensation of a short sharp shock…is about to happen. The life long lock has been broken and I am free. I spent twenty nine years of my life protecting them: Covering for Mikey's over confidence, Dons reluctance and Raph's stupidity, 29 years of it.

What was my reward for the thousands of hits took from them, or received from them? Distance, Arrogance and indifference

. For all my love and loyalty to them all I was to my brothers was…a joke.

Fearless Leader, Mr. Intensity, and a thousand other names.

If I saved Raphael from himself in one fight or another, was there ever a thank you? Certainly not. Wading here and writing this I can still taste the blood in my mouth from where the hilt of his sai hit my beak. Why wouldn't I have just stayed out of it? That was what he shouted after the 'I hate you' that followed I stoped listening.

Maybe they have too because I don't think there is any point to my being here any longer. They don't n e e d me anymore and they certainly don't want me here. I know this is selfish and my writings are harsh but aren't I allowed alteast this? To rant in the journal I've had, the only place my thoughts are ever voiced.

The journal who knows I ache with every insult Raph throws my way.

The journal who knows how much I wish Donny would come from his lab and just say 'leo, want to go watch t.v?'

The journal would kill for Mikeys demeanor, to seem like none of this hurts – though I know it hurts him as much as it does me.

I don't taste the blood in my mouth anymore, its almost metallic tasting, odd. A part of me is regretting my choice, I love them. I truly do and I don't want to leave them. I promised to protect them, to do what was right for them. So here I am, in the pool, leaning on the edge to write while the water bubbles around my plastron.

I hope they realize I'm doing this for them. They don't want me here, they don't need me anymore. I'm the cause of so much strife here, so I am taking a cowards stance for my brothers sake.

Funny, the water is almost pink…

I am sorry guys; I hope you don't regret my choice…because it was your choice.

Raph's words had tied the knot tonight. The last thing he said…

"Fuck off fearless leader; we don't need you watchin' our backs. We ain't kids no more. Go take a long walk off a short pier."

Well it's not a pier…Sorry to disappoint.

I love you guys. I'll be gone by the time you read this, its getting so hard to focus. Even though you don't want me around, I will miss you... and I won't go far…even if you don't see me.

A Big Brothers right.

I love you.

Big Brother.