All is fine.

Disclaimer: Just give me time...give me time...

I try to wrap my mind around everything that just happened but my mind seems unable to.

I try to comprehend all that I've just seen and find my memory lacking.

We killed the demon.

We freed our father.

We got our revenge.

We're done.


"Scratch that off the to-do list".

But I can't seem to feel it. I can't focus on any of it. Because it all keeps coming back to that one single fact:

My brother gave up his life for me.

He. Gave. Up. His. Life.

For me.

Without hesitation.

Like it's the normal thing to do.

Like it's fine.

And I can't even get mad at him.

I can't get mad because he looks at me and begs me not to and I remember now the look on his face as he walked through the door of that forgotten cabin, the desperate hug he enfolded me in.

I can not imagine what it must've been like. I can't even...

I try to picture the situation with our roles reversed. I try to imagine my brother dying before me and I almost laugh. Not because it's funny but because it's ludicrous. Because it's hilarious. The way things that are in no way funny at all sometimes are.

The idea of my brother dying in my arms. The idea of my brother being dead. The idea of my brother being dead and me not doing everything I can to get him back.

Yeah, it's funny.

Except it's not.

His dealmaking doesn't shock me. I'd have done the same. In a heartbeat. But the way he carries it...

I'd be looking for a way to get out of it. I'd want to fight till the last minute. I wouldn't let her win. But he...he seems...content. Like he's okay with it. He smiles at me as I tell him I'll save him. Looks pleased when I say there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. Like it's fine. Like he's finished. Like he didn't just sign away his life. And I suppose, in a really twisted way, he is fine. As far as he can tell, things couldn't have turned out better; I came back to life, the demon's dead, dad escaped from hell. He's looking at another year on the road, doing what he loves: saving people, hunting things, the family business. With me.

He's got everything he's ever wanted.

What he doesn't realise, however, is that I can not wake up in a world he doesn't exist in. He knows that I love him. He just thinks that he loves me more. He knows that I would die for him, he just thinks I shouldn't. He simply doesn't realise that I need him just as much as he needs me. He doesn't realise that I could never leave him again. That I never really left in the first place. He doesn't realise that, by doing this, he's put me in more danger than I've ever been in. He always boasts that I need him around. That I need him to protect me. But he doesn't know it's true. He thinks I can live without him. He thinks the only reason I need him to protect me is because dad isn't here. He really thinks he's expendable. That he's just a substitute. For dad, for my friends, for Jess even. He doesn't know that all those people were only ever substitutes for him. He doesn't know that he's the only person in the world that I can't live without. It's my fault he thinks that, I know. Mine and dad's. We let him think that. We made him think that. So no wonder he doesn't mind. No wonder he's fine.

He's got everything he's ever wanted.

And all he had to give up was his life.

Tell me what you think?