Title: Once Upon A TARDIS
Rating: PG
Pairing: Doctor/Rose
Word Count: 458
Genre: Crack!Fic!
A/N: I don't own Doctor Who or Torchwood or most things actually. Unbeta'd, written on post-DW high, first attempt at crack!fic! and encouraged by a bunch of sugar-high fangirls. 'Nuff said. Originally written 14 April 2007. Comments are loved.

Once upon a time there was a wolf and three pigs (alien pigs mind you, and technically it was a werewolf but no-one cares for small technicalities like that these days). There was also a Time Lord and a blonde girl. A 'Time Lord' is pretty much a fancy name for someone that skips around in a blue box through time and space and pretends he's doing something mildly useful. And as for the blonde girl? Well, just you wait I'm getting to that (geez, you humans are an impatient bunch). She was an Earth girl just like you, well, not like you really but they always say that in fairytales and that's what I'm trying to do…

Anyway, I'm not explaining this very well, am I? Look, there was a Time Lord called The Doctor (who was a bit poncy to be honest) and a human named Rose Tyler (who was a bit stupid to be honest…the cute kind of stupid though) and they travelled around in time and space bumping into many creatures, including the wolf and three pigs! They were…really not that interesting actually. I could tell you about Slitheen, but then again, they're not really bedtime material, are they?

Right, so, anyway, The Doctor and Rose were madly in love with each other and wanted nothing more than to…(wait, this is a children's story, isn't it?)…travel through time and space together forever. Very sweet in theory, but there was a major problem holding them back…The Doctor didn't like chips. Only kidding, he loved chips so much in fact there was that time when…right, children's story. Erm…where was I? Oh yes, they wanted to stay together forever but the problem was that while Rose was only 19 Earth years the Doctor was in fact 900(-ish, he never did tell me his exact age, ponce) and he was, in fact, an alien. Heh. Maybe I should have mentioned the whole Time Lords being alien thing before. Oh well, you know now.

As you can probably tell their relationship really didn't work out and they ended up a whole universe apart as alone and as…oh, right, fairytale. But then they found each other and lived happily ever after!

You know what? I'm awful at fairytales sweetie, I just hope when you read this you will have worked out that not all stories get their happy endings but there's lots of happy moments on the way to the end, ok? I don't know a single person that hasn't gone through their life and hasn't smiled once (and I know a lot of people), just forget about fairytales and daydreams and live for the moment - enjoy yourself.

Lots of love to my baby girl,

- Captain Jack Harkness