Dark Lady Devinity
Somehow, in all his dreams and ill-begotten fantasies, his lies and promises, he hadn't been expecting to find himself in this position. The setting around him, pristine and pure, a white and pink land of serenity, was horrifying. Sha Gojyo wondered what god he had to anger to earn this torturous fate of white lilies and sakura blossoms and wedding bliss.
Gojyo had been certain that he was a confirmed bachelor, no woman being able to hold him down. Yet he was soon joined by his blushing bride… who wasn't actually blushing, but grinning widely. And that huge smile plastered across Cho Hakkai's face could only mean certain death. Gojyo was only the cause of that look when Hakkai was deeply and truly pissed. Which he had every reason to be- he was the one in the wedding dress, not Gojyo. The kappa was lucky enough to be the man in the relationship. Too bad Hakkai had all the qualities of a good wife- good with children and housekeeping and beating unworthy husbands unconscious with frying pans.
As if that was not bad enough, Gojyo's groom men consisted of his half brother Dokugakuji and Kougaiji. Standing for Hakkai was Yaone and Kou's kid sister Lirian. Neither Genjyo Sanzo or Son Goku were standing for either of the two soon to be newlyweds. No, fate was not that kind. Sanzo just happened to be the priest performing the wedding ceremony. And he brought his gun. The deep scowl on his face and dark look in his eyes spelt death for Gojyo. The kappa, trapped between Hakkai and Sanzo, was nearly terrified for his life. His knees buckled a couple of times, uncontrollably.
It seemed only the flower boy didn't want to kill him. But that was because Son Goku had had an incident with the basket of flowers he held. Now the monkey king turned flower boy was busy trying to brush all the sakura petals from his hair… and failing miserably.
"Let's get this damn thing over with." Sanzo said as Yaone burst out crying. (She told Lirian that she always cried at weddings.) "Do you, Sha Gojyo, take Cho Hakkai as your wife?"
With that smile on the bride's face, Gojyo was afraid to say no.
"And do you, Cho Hakkai, take this stupid kappa as your husband?"
"Yes." Hakkai answered, in a tone so sweet that it seemed to be trying to give Gojyo diabetes.
"I now declare you husband and wife." Sanzo said in a deadpan tone, tossing the bible he'd been using over his shoulder. No one questioned why the wedding was in a Christian format. "You may now, but really do not have to, kiss."
"Go get 'em, bro!" Dokugakuji yelled out.
Gojyo ignored his brother and turned to face his bride-now-wife. He took no notice of the cutely confused Goku trying to remove the blossoms from his hair or the frowning Sanzo, (who really wasn't paying attention to anybody anymore).
"Shall we, dear?" Hakkai asked, smile still in place as he cracked his knuckles.
The kappa felt the urge to start screaming in fear.
"Oh dear. I think you hit him a little too hard with that fan Sanzo." Hakkai said as he stared down at Gojyo's unconscious form. The body twitched occasionally.
"…" was Sanzo's reply.
"I wonder what he's dreaming 'bout." Goku said. "Looks like a nightmare."
"Doesn't it?" Hakkai said. "Well, it will have to wait. We must find out where our latest enemy is hiding and why they're playing wedding music. Maybe Gojyo can hear it in his dream."