Alright. I had to get this out of my head somehow or another. This seemed like a suitable way to do so.

It's just a prologue. I'm not even sure whether I'm going to continue it at all. I doubt I have the ability necessary to write a character like Artemis Fowl. But none-the-less, I would love to see what people think. Constructive criticism is not only accepted but greatly appreciated. In fact, any thoughts at all would be greatly appreciated.

Well, thank you for reading this far, and I hope you are able to at least semi-enjoy this little piece of nonsense that refused to leave my sanity be.

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Excerpt from Unnamed Database

Foaly, from what I can tell through my extensive research and from what I have seen first hand, is an especially intelligent individual. I have to allow him that much to his credit; and I will admit, however grudgingly, that he deserves much more. But with his usually paranoid personality quirks, I found myself, along with everyone else I involved in this characteristically selfish affair, surprised that the centaur had not anticipated the events I myself set into motion with something so simple as a little bit of web surfing.

When I learned how many times Artemis Fowl had used and abused the anal-retentive centaur's computers for his own personal benefit, I nearly spewed a mouthful of apple cider all over my monitor. Luckily for me, my little sister was directly to my right, and I was able to spare my computer for a more desirable target. Not only had Fowl used Foaly's equipment to his advantage countless times, but he had even, quite recently when compared with a centaur's or any fairy's lifespan, hacked into his systems, stolen his meticulously calculated equations, and corrected them for him. I was sure all of the goings on would have sparked his paranoia to towering heights. But no. Alas, the centaur had other things on his mind. A certain lady centaur by the looks of things, though I was not interested enough to take a thorough look into the situation.

Romance has always bored me.

Now, if Fowl had not put Foaly on edge, I had been certain that the appearance of Minerva Paradizo would. Yet another mere child had appeared with unparalleled mental prowess and an uncommon knowledge of the People. Though her own source of information was incredibly lacking, coming from the mouth of a demon of all places, she was as much a threat as Fowl had originally been for her ignorance. And she, just like Fowl, had been well backed by a fair-sized fortune.

The idea that such a coincidence as a demon falling into hands as well prepared as hers could happen at all is quite extraordinary. Unlike Fowl she did not seek it out, but once she found her fortune she was more than willing to exploit it. I must admit that I too had stumbled upon my own treasure trove entirely by accident. I would like to believe that the world of magic contains a peculiar essence that even Fairies have yet to understand or classify. An essence that draws children into its depths like a mystical magnet, especially those children smart enough to believe.

It would certainly help to rebuild my ego if that were the case. Because I am nothing like Fowl or Paradizo, even Foaly himself. I may be wordy, I may be clever, but I am no genius. So, I had decided, surely Foaly's mental sensors would be on such wild and unadulterated rampage that he would see me coming from miles away. Surely I would be thwarted before I could even begin.

I suppose the centaur simply became too enthralled in other matters. Three years without Artemis Fowl or Holly Short. That was three years of quiet, snail-paced waiting; three years without the biggest troublemakers above or below the world. He had seen Ark Sool demoted from his usurped throne, had spent many an evening with his beloved Caballine, had watched relentlessly for any sign of his lost friends. He had done everything in his power to keep himself distracted, his computers only reminding him that he was still waiting. As he oh-so-poetically quoted in his memoirs.

Then, the unthinkable. Fowl and his entire posse returned home, along with a shower of newly freed demon kin. Oh, happy day. Demon kind was saved, and so were Fowl and Short. He was so excited, so relieved. I still remember just how easy it was to initiate the beginnings of my plot the following week. All it took was the push of a button. And Foaly's magnificently unmatched defenses came crashing down around him.

Maybe he had thought it was all over. Or perhaps he had just come to believe that his computers were ready for anything after all they had been put through.

After all, anyone stupid enough to take on the Lower Elements was so much carrot soup in his hands, right?

Unfortunately for him, I did not have my eyes set on the Lower Elements. The Fairy People were just another race to me. They still are, if I'm going to be completely honest with myself, though perhaps they have taken on a slightly more personal role in my mind's eye. No matter how I viewed them, however, they were not my goal. They had never been my goal. Au contraire. I had my eyes set on a much, much more valuable prize.

Artemis Fowl.

And though I was no genius, though I had never actually seen a fairy for myself, though I was sure that I could never win against Fowl alone, not to mention working together with his infamous companions, I was certain that I would snag my prize.

After all, three years is a long time to massage one's ego.