Disclaimer: I own nothing.
There once was a man named L Lawliet. He loved to eat cakes, bake cakes, smell like cake, taste-test cakes, and anything else you could possibly associate with cakes. One morning, he arose from bed in his usual fashion. That is, a pineapple-mango cake alarm clock woke him up. He rose from his sleep involving cakes dancing La Bamba and went into his kitchen to prepare pancakes. He opened his cupboard without looking, as this was normal for him, and his hand grabbed the accustomed box of pancake mix. He opened the box and poured its contents into his cake mixer bowl and grabbed the other necessary ingredients. When finished, he laid the pancakes in tiers (as one would a cake) and lathered it with orange frosting (also as one would a cake).
He set down the pancake cake on his tabletop and then bent down to the floor-level drawers to find a blender. "Aha," he said, finding the blender in the corner. He grabbed it and set it atop the counter near the plug outlets. Plugging it in, he turned his back on the counter and headed towards his fridge. Looking inside, he grabbed the white container which had the oldest date neatly labeled in teal on the front side. Opening it while walking back to the blender, he then poured the contents into the blender and sealed the lid.
He mixed the cake into a frothy shake of deliciousness before halting the spinning blades and pouring the refreshing drink into a mug and sitting down in his chair near the pancakes. When finished with breakfast he smiled slightly to himself before peevishly opening the fridge door once more and stealing the next lid with the oldest date out. Opening it, he licked his suddenly dry lips while staring down at the glorious chocolate cake that seemed to have a heaven-sent aura around it. Needless to say, after two hours of eating nothing but cake for two hours, L felt content...well, content enough for breakfast, at least.
After his rabid hunger subsided, however, he looked down at the white container that once contained a big slice of chocolate cake and was reminded of his chocolate-loving friend, Mello.
"Mello!" He exclaimed, having forgotten all about meeting his friend and his friend's loving boyfriend, Matt, at a café nearby for cake and whatever drink it is they sell at cafes. (Author: That would be coffee...) Hurriedly getting dressed and throwing all his bowls and whatnot into the kitchen sink, he donned a pair of loose-fitting slippers and ran out of his house.
Halfway between his house and the neighboring café in his car, L felt a sort of uncomfortable pressure arising in his chest. He grimaced slightly but kept driving nonetheless.
After twenty more minutes of driving, L began to worry over his chest pains when he reached a stop light. All at once, it felt as if an elephant were stepping on him. In a daze, he opened his car door and peeked out at the roof through squinted eyes to see if he was suddenly on the set of Jumanji and an elephant really was on top of him. Well, his question was answered.
No, he was not in Jumanji, apparently he was having a heart attack.
"Oh shittt.." he mumbled before dying on the cold street.
A couple feet away, behind L's car, Light Yagami quietly laughed to himself while putting away a black notebook that had seemed to be filled with names and times. "Why have road rage when you have a death note?" he said to himself while speeding over the dead body of L at 100 MPH.
It was said that L's cause of death was a heart attack caused by his gluttony of cake. His tombstone is in the shape of a cake. Mello and Matt got married and they put a picture of L digitally on their wedding cake.
A/N: Oh my, I've had too much sugar.