a/n: One day I was bored in math, and I thought up this thing. Really random. Somewhat scary. I've warned you, so you readers can't do anything. Secrets about several Naruto characters will be revealed here. Horrifying secrets. Enjoy! But be warned...

Chapter 1

One day Gaara decided to visit Orochimaru in his secret castle (which wasn't so secret since there was a huge sign on it that said "Orochimaru's Castle" on it). He went inside and found Orochimaru doing his hair. He was putting pink highlights in his hair and making it all curly.

"Orochimaru, are you being gay again?" asked Gaara. Orochimaru screamed in shock. "Gay?! I'm as straight as a circle!" he screeched. He took some nail polish and started doing his nails.

Gaara stared at him. After about a minute, Orochimaru screamed like Michael Jackson (and, trust me, it was gay and scary). "How did you find this hidden place?! And how did you get in here?!" he gasped in horror. "I put traps all over the place!"

"There's this big, fat, stupid sign that gives away the location of your castle, not to mention that you painted the outside of it brightly pink when you're in a GREEN forest, and I came in through the front door. It was wide open," replied Gaara. Orochimaru thought for a moment as he put on lipstick. "Oh yea, the front door was the only place that I didn't put traps in," he recalled. "If I did something as stupid as putting traps by the entrance, then I wouldn't be able to get in without getting caught in one of my traps! Brilliant, right?"

Gaara said, "I have no comment." That's when Temari came crashing in through the ceiling on her fan. She landed on Orochimaru, crushing him. "Gaara, you son of a bitch, why the hell are you here?!" she screamed angrily.

"'Cause I wanna be, you fat whore!" Gaara replied, returning Temari's insult to her.

Temari glared at Gaara. "What did you just call your big sister, you fucking bastard?!" Temari finally got off of Orochimaru, whose make up was all ruined, and started to walk over to Gaara.

"You heard m—" Gaara started, but was bitch-slapped by Temari. "You bitch!" he screamed. (Appropriate word, right?) He was about to kick Temari when Orochimaru stood up in front of Gaara screaming, "MY NAILPOLISH! LOOK WHAT YOU DID, GAARA! YOU MOTHERFUC—"

Temari interrupted him when she "accidentally" whacked him with her fan. "GAARA!" Temari screamed. "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING WITH MICHAEL JACKSON, YOU MAMA'S BOY?!" Temari pointed at Orochimaru, indicating that he was Michael Jackson (which he is).

"MAMA'S BOY?! WHAT THE FUCK?!" screamed Gaara.

She started beating the crap out of Orochimaru because she thought that he was trying to rape Gaara. That's when Gai, with his disgusting bowl hairdo, ugly big eyebrows and gay green jumpsuit of gayness, decided to come by.

"I am here because of my youthfulness!" he exclaimed with pride and dignity. (How can he have any dignity after wearing that gay green jumpsuit of gayness?!) Everyone was shocked. Gaara was so shocked by Gai's gay entrance that he fainted (like a girl by putting his hand on his forehead and sighing before he fell).

"Who the hell invited you, you gay, homosexual freak?!" hollered Orochimaru. "Why, Gaara did!" Gai exclaimed happily. "Now we shall hug with youth!"

Everyone was horrified. Gaara stopped being unconscious and woke up. That's how horrifying it was. Gaara screamed like a little girl as Gai jumped on him and started hugging him. Gaara's girly scream could be heard from 50,000,000 light years away.

Then, finally, Gai stopped hugging Gaara. Gaara lay limp on the floor. (He died from, shock, agony, grief, anguish, torture and suffering and any other word that means the same as these.) "Did Gai just hug Gaara?!" Orochimaru screamed in disbelief.

"Oh no he didn't!" answered a girly voice that belonged to a guy. Everyone turned around and saw Rock Lee snapping his fingers like a girl while he had one hand on his hip. (blech!) "Get outta my way, girlfriend!' he cried as he pushed Orochimaru into a toilet. He ran to Gai and asked, "Is it, like, true?!"

Gai replied, "Why, yes, Rock Lee. I'm sorry for cheating on you."

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" screamed Temari and Orochimaru (who still had his head stuck in the toilet)

"I, like, can't believe it!" Rock Lee sobbed.

To be continued…

a/n: I'm planning to make the apocalypse happen sometime soon, so be ready. (Not that you can be ready for the apocalypse, but…) Mwa ha ha. I'm evil. A devil in disguise. Only my friends know the real, evil me. At least, I think they do. And they know how random I am. BWA HA HA! PIE! Sorry. That was my randomness taking over.

Oh yea, beware. The next chapter's gonna be real scary. Just warning you. R&R! It's real easy.