Secrets

Chapter Three


Disclaimer: Don't want what happened in the last chapter, so here: I DON'T FRICKIN OWN NARUTO. Or the president. But the grannies are a different story. Hahahaha.


a/n: I had this written up even before I posted chapter 2 but I never got the chance to type it up. I'm so sorry! I'll try to continue my other fics soon! I promise! Now here's the next chapter of horror. Not my fault if you happen to pass away in the middle of it. You've been forewarned.


It was hard to see the figure at first, but when it stepped into the light, everyone saw that it was…

OROCHIMARU! Soaked in toilet water! He marched up to Rock Lee, Temari, Gai, and Gaara and screamed, "Who's the asshole that flushed me down the toilet?!"

Everyone inched away from Gai, leaving him all alone in front of Orochimaru.

Orochimaru started to advance on Gai when he saw Sasuke. His mouth fell wide open. "OH MY FUCKING GOD," he cried, "THAT CHIC'S SEXY!"

The walls broke. Even they were shocked by Orochimaru's last words. Sasuke, who was utterly disgusted by the Michael Jackson's double's words, wiped the eye shadow off his chin and ripped off the bra and thong.

"AHHHH! MY BEAUTIFUL YOUTHFUL EYES!" Gai cried, blinded.

"OH MY, LIKE, GOD! MY, LIKE, EYES! I'M LIKE, BLINDED!" cried Rock Lee, blinded.

"HOLY FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK'S WRONG WITH YOU?!" Temari screeched. She whacked Sasuke on the head with her fan. "THIS AIN;T A STRIP CLUB, GOT IT?!"

Sasuke, who was whimpering in fear, stuttered, "G-Got it!"

Orochimaru, who was screaming like, well, like Orochimaru, because he thought Sasuke in a thong and bra was a sexy chic, stopped screaming and put on a sad face. "It's not?" he asked. "Damn, I wanted to strip."

Nobody had time to be utterly horrified because just then, the president of the United States of America (guess who) barged in through the door with soldiers carrying machine guns and toothpicks. (a/n: Don't ask. About the toothpicks, I mean.) He glared at Orochimaru and shouted, "I am here to confiscate Orochimaru's Castle, A.K.A. Orochimaru's Strip Club. I have reason to believe that this individual named Orochimaru owns this place and that he is Michael Jackson and a man-whore. Now hand yourself over, or I'll MAKE you hand yourself over."

Orochimaru, in a business-like voice that sounded a lot like Michael Jackson's, said, "What makes you so sure that I am Michael Jackson?"

The president replied, "Your white face and gay voice."

"Well-Well, what makes you think this is a strip club?" Orochimaru asked, intimidated. The president stared in Sasuke's direction. So did Orochimaru. He started to laugh nervously. Then he exclaimed, "I'm not the whore, he is!"

"And he's in your strip club," the president said matter-of-factly.

Rock Lee came up to the president and grabbed his hands. He asked, "Are you, like, that porn star Paris Hilton?"

Bush snatched his hands away from Rock Lee in disgust, but his eyes lit up when he heard Rock Lee's question.

"You think I'm beautiful enough and sexy enough to be a porn star?!" The president's eyes filled up with tears of joy.

"Like, of course!" answered Rock Lee. The president then said, "Then yes. Yes I am. I am the porn star Paris Hilton!" He looked proud ('cause Rock Lee thinks he's a porn star?!) and happily cried to his soldiers, "Let's go, grannies!"

The soldiers glared at him, but since he was the president and all, they listened to him.

In a moment, the president and the grannies were gone. (Grannies throw toothpicks at author. So that's what the toothpicks were for…Ow…) Sasuke, who had lost any dignity he ever had, took his thong and put it back on. Then he walked over to Orochimaru, who had picked up the bra and was studying it in fascination, snatched the bra out of his hands and put it on. He picked up his mirror and eye shadow, and resumed the humming of "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" and locked himself in one of Orochimaru's thong closets. (Yes, Orochimaru has several closets dedicated to the thousands of things he owns.)

Gaara woke up from being dead (don't ask me how) to the sigh of Gai and Rock Lee in a man-hug. He was disturbed. Then he asked, "What happened to that disgusting, ugly whore in the thong?"

"HE LOCKED HIMSELF IN MY THONG CLOSET!" Orochimaru bellowed. (a/n: To all those who are still shocked by this fact, yes, he has thong closets.

Orochimaru grabbed the doorknob of the closet and began pulling as hard as he could. Just then there was a big explosion that blew the closet apart.

To be continued…


a/n: If you got through this chapter without fainting, then you must be very brave…CONGRADULATIONS. Now you can review and tell me what I can do to make this story even more horrifying-I mean, to make it better. Hehehe… Now prepare yourself for chapter 4…