Disclaimer: I don't own. Or else Sasori would still be alive but nooooo...
Warnings: SasoDei, yaoi, fluff, some bad words because... yeah. and OOC-ness
A/N: I'm playing with the time and crap here, okay? Because otherwise it wouldn't work. I know it's impossible but this is fanfiction... Besides, Kakashi's dad killed Sasori's dad so Sasori would be about the same age as Kakashi... never mind... I will update that one other story... Eventually. Really.
--A Diplomatic Mission for Suna's one and only Akasuna no Sasori
By BoREdom mAnIFEst
A clear, pretty blue eye lined in kohl peered out from behind a wall in the Kazekage's tower. Deidara Katsuhiko, age eight and son of the Tsuchikage, grinned at the sight of his fallen babysitter, a Suna Chuunin who had been taken down by a myriad of prank toys. Giggling to himself, he snuck away from the crime scene as his weapons of choice disappeared in a 'BOOM' of low power explosive clay.
"Akasuna no Sasori-sama, your mission objective is to escort Iwagakure's representative around Suna while the Tsuchikage is conferencing with your father, the Kazekage. It is an A-rank mission because of its; thus far, high failure rate. Please make sure that he enjoys himself because he will be reporting to the Kazekage. Remember, this is very important for our alliance, Sasori-sama. And only you can do this!" The ninja reported to the half-awake, red-haired boy.
Akasuna no Sasori, age fourteen and son of the Second Kazekage yawned and glared at the Jounin, sending him scuttling. The ANBU captain groaned and stretched, cracking his neck. He shot one last venomous glance at the ninja.
"Do you know," He began, "How late up I was last night because of a stupid mission? It's only eleven in the morning." Sasori said darkly, squinting against the bright light that streamed into his room.
The poor, stupid Jounin continued babbling, "B-but, Sasori-sama! This mission is truly important! The alliance-"
The Kazekage's son frowned, "I just mean that this better not be a stupid mission. I have had quite enough of hunting down Fire Country tigers in heat that are pets of stupid old women. Where am I meeting this representative?" he asked, pulling on a white tank top over a dark brown one. Stepping into a pair of baggy, ripped, jeans, he ran a comb through his unruly morning hair.
"Sir, I hardly think that is appropriate-"
"Shut up, it'll do." Came the muffled response from a sleep-deprived teenager, rubbing his face dry with a towel.
He threw the towel onto his bed, "So c'mon, tell me where I'm meeting the person."
"Last I checked… I do believe he's right outside your door. Let me go get him."
The nameless Jounin who shall remain nameless, stepped into the hallway of the apartment complex where the unusual teenager insisted on living. Searching for the representative, he turned his head this way and that, blinking in confusion when he came across nobody.
Unfortunately, that was not the case as a downpour of water decided to obey gravity and fell on the hapless Jounin's head, thoroughly soaking the man. The water was soon followed by a little flock of clay hummingbirds, made of very low-level explosive clay.
And thus, the story of the brave Jounin came to a halt when the birds exploded, resulting in a tremor throughout the apartment complex and the Jounin dropping to the floor, out cold.
The redhead frowned when a layer of fine white dust came shaking down from his plaster ceiling. The noise followed soon and he leapt from his breakfast of cereal. Seeing the prone form of the Jounin, a quick, "What the-" was uttered before a blonde ball of sugar high and hyperactivity was dropped upon poor Sasori's head.
"Woah, that didn't hurt as much as I expected, un! Geeze, I need to work on my concentration… two jutsu's and sticking to the ceiling at the same time is really hard!!" The blonde finally took notice of his twitching cushion and the sopping wet one.
The sopping wet cushion uttered "K-Katsuhiko-sama". However, it was not allowed a chance to finish as the twitching one exploded.
"WHAT THE HELL, YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRL?!?!" Sasori screamed as the little blonde stood up and dusted non-existent dirt off his blue shorts and white shirt. He pouted at the fuming teenager.
"I'm a boy, un. Get it right!" he said, frowning up at the tall ANBU captain.
Sasori blinked. He re-observed the kid. Long blonde hair in a ponytail, delicate features, big blue eyes with eyeliner, short, yep the kid was definitely a girl. He sneered, "Don't lie to yourself, kid. As much fun as it might be to you to pretend you're a boy, you're definitely a girl."
"I'm a boy. I stand up when I pee. My daddy says I'm a boy. So I'm a boy, un." The blonde said, firmly.
"No, you're not. You have long, pretty hair. You have big eyes and you look like a girl. Your body is all skinny and crap. Trust me kid, you're a girl." Sasori retorted. "Why am I even arguing with you? Have you seen a representative from Iwagakure around here? I'm supposed to escort him."
The eyes of the blonde boy-girl widened. "You're my new babysitter? AWESOME!! My name's Deidara Katsuhiko, my daddy is the Tsuchikage and you're supposed to be Akasuna no Sasori and you're going to play with me while my daddy is talking with your daddy about important stuff and you're going to buy me candy and talk to me and show me around Suna the whole time you're here because I'm not allowed to knock you out and never want to baby sit me again or else daddy will be mad and I won't get dessert and did you know you're my tenth babysitter since one this morning, un?!?"
Sasori stared. And opened his mouth. And closed it. And repeated. A good minute later, he spoke.
"D-d-did you even breathe during that?" he stuttered out, acting very un-Sasori-like.
"Nope, un!" Deidara chirped cheerfully.
Snapping out of his stupor, Sasori frowned and lightly smacked the blonde on the back of his head. "Don't lie to me, kid. There's no way you're the 'representative' from Iwagakure. They wouldn't send a brat like you. And stop with the un's!"
Deidara pouted as little tears leaked out of the corner of his visible eye.
"That hurt, un!" he whined. "And I'm not lying!"
"I-it's true, Sasori-sama…" groaned out the forgotten Jounin.
Mission Description: Escort Iwagakure's representative for the duration of his stay.
Mission Objective: Make the representative appreciate Suna so the Tsuchikage gets a good report.
In Sasori's eyes:
Mission Description: Baby-sit the Tsuchikage's eight-year-old son for the next two days.
Mission Objective: Buy the kid lots of candy and entertain him so he can tell daddy all about his fun day.
"No. Freaking. Way. THIS SUCKS!" Sasori shouted, almost crying at having been stuck with another stupid mission.
"So… what do you want to do?" Sasori asked Deidara, thinking that whoever said that this kid didn't have ADHD was obviously stupid, blind, deaf, and every other disability that came to his mind.
The little blonde smiled sweetly up at the teenager. "I wanna go to a park."
Sasori sighed, and decided to go with it. He was supposed to training right now but no…
The two continued on in silence when Deidara decided to shatter the peaceful quiet.
"Hey, hey, Mr. Babysitter, let's play a Twenty Questions, un! But a modified version where you have to answer the whole question with a complete answer, un!"
Sasori grimaced at the nickname, "For one thing, my name is Sasori. Sa-so-ri. It's not a long and difficult name like Deidara so remember it. For another, I preferred walking in quiet." He looked back to the Tsuchikage's son. Deidara appeared to be talking to himself with the mouths on his hands.
"I'll start, okay Mr. Babysitter? Do you have a girlfriend?" asked the little boy.
Sasori choked on the water he was drinking.
"What the hell? You think shinobi have time for things like boyfriends and girlfriends? No, I do not have a girlfriend but I'll thank you all the same for keeping your inquisitive little nose out of my personal affairs!"
Deidara merely gave the teenager another cute smile. "Okay, that's good, Mr. Babysitter! I would be sad if you had a girlfriend 'cause I like you, un! It's your turn."
Sasori raised an eyebrow at his little confession/outburst.
"Alright…" he drawled, "So tell me, kid, what kind of Kekkei Genkai do you posses that requires you having mouths on your hands?"
Deidara launched into a detailed and lengthy explanation of his exploding clay and the reason for the mouths on his hands.
"And the I make everything go 'BOOM'!!!!!!" He shouted excitedly. Finished with his explanation he grinned at Sasori. "So, Mr. Babysitter, how much more of me do you think you can handle, un? This is usually the part where my other babysitters start asking to be re-assigned to another mission, ya know."
Sasori massaged his temple, "I have no idea…" He muttered to himself. "Hey look, kid, isn't that a park. Let's go on the swings, I'll even push you." Just please shut up!
"So that's her? The one that's monopolizing Sasori-sama's free day?"
"Yes. I don't like her. She's too cute. Sasori-sama could unknowingly fall into her deadly trap."
"Alright then. Let's have her deported out of Suna in the hour."
Sasori looked at the time on his wristwatch. Almost twelve. He looked at the little, girly blonde haired boy who was sliding down a slide. He jumped off his swing and walked over to Deidara.
"Hey, Deidara-chan. Are you hungry?" he asked.
Deidara, who had finally managed to get Sasori to say his name instead of 'kid', contemplated this question. He tilted his head and blinked his big blue eyes, biting his lip as he wondered whether or not he was hungry.
Sasori smiled slightly at the expression, finding it almost cute. "Well?"
"I'm hungry, un! Where are we eating, Sasori-danna?" He asked, bouncing up.
Sasori's smile widened a fraction of a centimeter at the new nickname. They had been playing freeze tag with some other kids at the park and only Sasori was never tagged. Deidara proclaimed him a master at the game and soon had everyone calling Sasori 'Sasori-danna.'
"What do you want, for lunch?" he replied.
Deidara's eyes gleamed for a moment, almost worrying Sasori. Then it was gone and replaced with a bright smile.
"I want sushi, and soba, and ramen, and onigiri, and mochi, and ice cream, and candy, and okonomiyaki, and manju, and the ice with syrup, and a drumstick, and red bean soup, and rock candy, and gyouza, and edamame, and green tea, and yakitori!!" Deidara listed.
Sasori nearly had a heart attack.
"U-um. Sure. Why not. Let's go." He stuttered, not wanting to think about the financial dent this would cause him.
"She made Sasori-sama smile!! Smile! That little slut is going down! Down, down, down!"
"Sure. Okay, they're moving. They're on the street. Initiate operation."
Sasori was very confused when he saw the sparsely populated street suddenly occupied by several people. A bit more than several, in actuality. Try a few hundred.
"Sasori-sama, Sasori-sama! Look over here!"
"Sasori-sama, won't you sign this for me?"
"Sasori-sama, I LOVE YOU!!"
"Let me have your babies, Sasori-sama!"
Sasori frowned and glared at the crowd of adoring fan girls.
"Hell no. Come on, Deidara, let's go." He reached for his charge, intending to grab hold of the bubbly blonde so he wouldn't lose him when he found that said blonde was nowhere in reach. The redhead began to search almost frantically.
"Deidara! Where the hell are you, you little brat?" he shouted, struggling away from the crowd of groping hands. Only to find that the one he was searching for was being carried away by a set of groping hands.
"Sasori-danna! The baa-chan is being mean to me! Sa-"
Cue Sasori acting even more out of character than before when he saw 'his' kid being carried away and disappearing.
"Get off me. Now." He threatened darkly to the crowd. They froze at the cold, angry tone. Quieting down, they began to back off slowly.
"Good. Now. Where did you take him?" Sasori asked, his aura giving off murderous waves. Suddenly, he was really living up to his reputation as the best ANBU Assassination Squad captain in the history of Suna and the Kazekage's deadly son.
"W-w-who, Sasori-sama?" asked a quivering teenage girl. His hand shot out, wrapping around her throat.
"The blonde kid. The Tsuchikage's son. Who I was escorting as part of a diplomatic mission." Sasori bit out, murderous intent oozing out of every syllable.
The purple haired girl gasped and fought for air as murmurings went through the crowd of women.
"Sh-she's in the c-closet of the T-t-tateishi Flower shop!" was the choked out reply. Sasori dropped her. The girl reached out, "Please Sasori-sama, we didn't know! Don't tell your father!"
Sasori directed one last cold glare at her, "Deidara is boy." And ran off towards the flower shop.
Don't be hurt. Be okay. Please be okay!
Deidara sat on one of the boxes in the closet, kicking his feet back and forth while grinning like a maniac.
"Hey, Mr. Person that's out there? I'm boooooorrreeed, un!!" he whined. "And this stupid closet is daaaaaaaark, un!"
But Deidara didn't really care at this point. The little blonde's smile grew wider.
Ah, waiting period's up, un! But where's Sasori-danna? If he's not here when I get out, who'll pay for the damages, un?
"You know, you can't really do this to me, un! I have… um… DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY, UN!" He called out. He continued on, swinging his legs back and forth, "I'm the Tsuchikage's kid, ya know! So if Iwagakure decides to crush Suna into a pulp, it'll be aaaaall. Your. Fault. For diplomatic inhospitality!"
His other, usually covered eye, glinted as it looked down on his creation, five dozen tiny clay spiders, no larger than a tenth of an inch that was the remainder of his explosive clay. He grinned and made the Ram seal, infusing them with his charka and he sent them crawling out from under the door.
The artificial eye watched as he carefully positioned each of the spiders on the outside of the door, ignoring the commotion outside the closet, in the shop.
Oops, that must've been B2 clay, not B1. Oh well.
Sasori released the owner of the flower shop when he heard an explosion.
"Deidara!" he shouted, running towards the explosion.
"Sasori-danna!" A skinny, blonde figure ran towards him, leaping onto him.
"I missed you, un! They were mean and they shoved me into this dark closet and yelled at me and gave me a boo-boo!" Deidara cried, pointing to the bruise on his face. And it was true, they had screamed at him for 'getting too close to Sasori-sama' and slapped him. It pissed Deidara off. Normally, he would have just waited for someone, namely his babysitter, to come get him but this time… he was going to milk it for all it was worth and get the stupid women in trouble.
Of course, Deidara knew he was being childish and taking advantage of his, thus far, favorite babysitter but he was the son of the Tsuchikage and expected to be treated as much.
Sasori, meanwhile, only hugged Deidara closer to himself. Putting him down, Sasori began his 'lecture'.
"Deidara, don't go around blowing thins up. Because you're my responsibility, I have to pay for the damage you caused. So next time, why don't you just send a clay bird to me or something?"
Deidara pouted, "It's fun-er to blow 'em up. They go BOOM!!!" he shouted, waving his arms around. Sasori smiled slightly and tugged a bit of pretty blonde hair.
"Well, after all that excitement, I think I'm hungry and would like lunch. Don't you agree?"
Deidara nodded in excitement then began to skip, running straight into a shelf full of sharp corners. Knocked back, he fell onto his bottom and sat there, rubbing his knee as tears gathered in his eyes.
Sasori sighed and offered a hand to Deidara, who took it. The eight year old suddenly directed sparkling puppy eyes at the older boy. Sasori twitched.
"What's with that look, you brat? You can't- it was your own fault-" Sasori struggled with the look he was receiving.
Must. Not. Give. In!
"P-please, Saso-danna? M-my knee hurts and-and…" Little tears were leaking out of those sparkling sapphire eyes.
Sasori groaned, caving in. "Fine. But only until we get a bandage for your knee." He picked up Deidara and settled him on his back. Deidara cheered and wrapped his arms around the embarrassed teenager.
Sasori was not in a good mood. That little brat had indeed ordered everything he wanted… Then he ate a little bit of everything he had ordered and left Sasori to eat the rest. Except for the sweet things. He ate all of those himself.
Looking at his sadly deflated wallet, Sasori slumped. Only to find a little hand that had snuck into his. Deidara smiled cheerfully at Sasori, "No worries Sasori-danna! I'll make sure you don't spend another ryou on me, okay? Alright! Let's go look at the vendors at the festival!"
He says I won't spend another ryou on him then decides to o shopping… Sasori thought tiredly.
"Sasori-danna! Look, un! They're selling pretty animal things here!" Deidara shouted, pulling away from his babysitter and running to the stall. Sasori walked over as well and looked at them. The merchandise was fairly well made…
"Mr. Person, I want this one and this one, un!" Came Deidara's voice, pulling Sasori from his thoughts. Sasori saw Deidara standing on tiptoe, holding up a bird earring and a scorpion earring.
"That's 1,000 ryou, kid." Came the gruff voice. The little blonde fished out a few bills and pushed the money over the counter then ran over to Sasori who was watching the exchange in amusement.
"Here, Sasori-danna! This one's for you!" Deidara chirped, handing Sasori the scorpion earring. "'Cause your name means 'scorpion', right?"
Sasori smirked, "Right."
Deidara smiled sunnily before bouncing away towards a stall that sold shaved ice, charming two out of the lady and giving the orange flavored one to Sasori, keeping the cherry for himself.
Finally, the two had gotten free smoothies, hats, rings for every finger and toe, air brush tattoos, face paintings, goldfish, and plushie animals from the games. Sasori now resembled a (female) kabuki actor and Deidara looked like a zombie. Albeit a very smiley zombie with blonde hair.
"Wow, Mr. Tsuchikage's Son! You look very scary like that!" commented one of the women they had gotten a freebie from. Deidara had declared that he was the Tsuchikage's son and one day, he'd be better than his dad at her stall.
"I like your new look, Sasori-sama!" shouted another vendor. The two had finished their 'shopping' and were now just wandering around.
Deidara tugged on Sasori's hand so he looked down at the blonde boy.
"See, I told you it looked good, Sasori-danna!"
The ANBU captain shrugged, "If you say so."
"I know so, un!" boasted the little ninja.
Another smile began to tug at the corners of Sasori's mouth. I seem to have been smiling more lately. Interesting.
"Deidara, do you mind if we go visit that puppet stall for a moment? I want to see what they have." Sasori asked quietly as he tugged his charge toward the stall.
"Sasori-danna likes puppets? I never knew that!" Deidara exclaimed, as he skipped towards the stall.
"Don't be stupid, brat. There's lots of things you don't know about me." Sasori replied, following at a leisurely pace. They reached the stall where Sasori engaged the owner in conversation about puppets that could be used in battle. Deidara merely observed and played with a clown puppet, making it fight with a princess puppet.
Sasori was finally ready to go and motioned toward Deidara.
"Ah, wait a moment, Sasori-danna!" the blonde hurriedly paid for the discounted hand puppets and chased after the redheaded teenager.
"Hey, Sasori-danna, I wanna go look at that stall, un." The little ninja said, pointing at a stall where a woman was making pottery.
Sasori raised an eyebrow, "Okay. Let's go. Are you going to buy anything?"
"Umm… I might buy some clay…" Deidara never answered and instead ran to the stall. By the time Sasori had gotten there, Deidara had already made three… things. The closest description Sasori had for them were 'Voodoo Dolls'.
He picked one up, trying not to ruin anything.
"These are good, Deidara. Nice. Are you going to fire them?" He asked the little blonde.
Said little blonde shook his head and with a mischievous smile on his face, he took one… And smashed it. Giggling, his blue eye shined up at Sasori.
"Squashing them is more fun. Not as fun as making them go BOOM but still pretty fun." He commented lightly as he went back to his other project, a deformed bird in progress. The tip of his tongue poked out between a pair of pink lips as Deidara concentrated.
A good ten minutes later, Deidara sighed and squished the bird thing back into a lump.
"Why'd you do that, Deidara? It looked good to me." Sasori said, trying to make the pouting blonde feel better.
"I didn't like it." He replied to Sasori's question. Deidara stood up and wiped his hands on his smock, "Hey, um, Tanaka-san, I'll buy a pound of this clay and another pound of the red river clay, un."
The pottery vendor gave an old creaky smile as she bagged the clay and Deidara paid for it, the full price for once. As they walked away, Sasori took the initiative and began talking.
"I have to wonder… You like art, don't you? And you consider your clay sculptures art, don't you? But what good is art if it's not eternal? Your art is so temporary and fleeting, one barely has time to even enjoy its beauty." Sasori began.
Deidara appeared to think about this question for a while the turned to Sasori and smiled sweetly, "Why don't we find a good spot to watch the fireworks first, un? 'Cause I'd like to ask Sasori-danna the same thing and the fireworks will start soon."
"I think," The little blonde began, "That when something is fleeting, then a body will miss it all the more and when they miss it, then they learn to truly treasure it because otherwise, it's existence will be taken for granted. How about you, Sasori-danna? Why do you think art is better when it's eternal?"
Sasori lay down on the rooftop, warmed by the sun's rays during the day. Deidara sat next to him, hugging his legs as he stared out towards the dimming sky.
"Art… Is more beautiful when it is eternal. Because you know that it won't change. When something is eternal, it rises above all things mortal and it has a power and beauty that can't be comprehended by human limits." Sasori explained.
"Sasori-danna, you have a story behind your reasoning, don't you?" Deidara asked softly, his eyes watching the colorful explosions in the night air.
Sasori closed his eyes, his face impassive. Opening them he uttered, "Yeah. I do."
Deidara scooted closer and entwined his finger with Sasori's. The older boy noted vaguely at how the younger's hands were soft and small.
"Won't Sasori-danna tell me?"
"The Kazekage is not my real father and I am not his real son. I'm merely adopted, partly because my grandmother is influential like that but also because his wife is incapable of bearing a child. And at the time, I was the most appropriate candidate for the Kazekage's son of all the orphans during that time."
"My parents were killed in the previous Great Ninja War during a sabotage mission. I have lived with my grandmother since then."
"Everyday, I am a shinobi and I am surrounded by death and carnage. I have lost many precious people to death and mortality."
"Some days, I wish that a moment was eternal and could last forever. A perfect moment where my life isn't changing like the points in a game of Go, where one wrong decision could get me killed. Some days, I wish that people could last forever so that every time I go out to battle, I won't have to worry about someone dying."
"My grandmother is getting old. My adopted father nearly died during his last mission. My adopted mother is dead from a sandstorm. Even I will die someday. But I don't want that I want everything to last forever in a perfect moment so that I will never have to burn another body. I never again want to tell a mother that her daughter is dead or a wife that she is a widow."
"I am only fourteen. But I feel as though I have lived a thousand years. I wish I could go back to fourteen and be fourteen for the rest of eternity. And that is how my thinking reflects on art."
The eight-year-old boy tightened his hold on the teenager's hand and looked at him. The redhead was still staring at the explosions of light and sound. Deidara's other hand moved Sasori's bangs from his face and the little blonde leaned over and quickly gave Sasori a peck on the forehead, smiling when the teenager gave him a slightly shocked expression.
"My turn, un."
"Alright. Okay, see, most people wouldn't bring their kids with them on diplomatic visits. But my daddy does 'cause he's afraid I'll get killed like Mommy did. Mommy died when I was five so it'd be three years ago."
"Mommy was a ninja almost as good as Daddy so I never saw her a lot because she was always on missions. But I remember when she was around; Mommy was always nice to me. Me, her, and Daddy would always go do something fun when she was home. Another thing I remember was that she couldn't cook at all. Daddy always had to do the cooking."
"I always took her presence for granted like, I knew that she was on a mission and she wasn't there but she always sent letters and she always came back. And I would always think, 'Oh yeah, Mommy's gone right now but she'll send me a letter and a present soon. And she's coming back too so oh well."
"But one day, I decided to go find her because I was mad at my dad and I wanted Mommy. So I went out. I was hiding in a tree and I was going to surprise her. But it was the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Mommy was on a B-class mission. In the report, there was nothing about S-class ninjas. But there were S-class ninjas waiting. Mommy and her entire squad got killed in front of me. And I couldn't do anything to stop it. All I could do was hide in the tree until the traitors were gone. Then I just ran home as fast as I could to tell Daddy."
"Now that she's gone, I treasure my memories of her all the more."
"I took her for granted and she died. I took my dad for granted too, until a few months ago. My dad has a disease. It's dissolving him from the inside out. He has maybe a few years to live if he takes his medicine and does what the doctor tells him to do. He says he'd rather spend time with me which is why I came along."
"And that's why I think art is better when its existence is limited. Because when it's gone, you'll remember it as something so much more beautiful."
After Deidara finished, Sasori sat up and pulled him into his lap where tears and kohl soaked into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around the blonde, rocking lightly. Sasori hugged him tightly and continued this way for a bit longer until the fireworks ended.
"Hey, I think we'll have to agree to disagree on the whole art thing." Sasori murmured, cradling Deidara in his arms as they walked home. He looked down at the blonde who was fast asleep, his hair messy and the kohl around his eyes smeared. He smiled softly at the sleeping form and slipped into the blonde kid's guest bedroom.
Sasori bought a wet cloth and cleaned off the make-up. Tucking Deidara into bed, he turned off the lights and made to leave when a little hand grabbed onto the hem of his shirt.
"Nnn, Saso-danna… stay, un…"
End Note: I might do a few continuations of this with their life later on, them joining Akatsuki and Sasori's death, so on. Review and tell me if you want to see more.