Summary: Usagi is on the edge of love again and must her boy entrapping skills to seduce Mamoru. Hilarity ensues.
Friday, June 8th
I cannot believe I am on the edge of love again.
This is it. I am putting my tired self to bed and not dreaming of him again. Or his gorgeous mouth. Or his eyes. Or head. Or hair. Or neck. Or the charming way he calls me odango-atama (although it does actually infuriate me quite a bit when he calls me it).
I cannot be in love with him! He is arrogant and obviously mistakes my beautosity and sophistication for dimwitted childishness. And he always goes off on how stupid I am and how I don't study enough. What does he know? Does he understand the young and yearning heart of a fourteen year old girl? Does he understand that I must deal with the lunacy of my parents, brother, friends, Rei-chan, talking cats etc.? No. No he does not. So clearly he has no room to judge me. He should just lurve me instead. With his mouth.
This is it. I am putting myself to bed and never thinking of him. Uhm. Again.
I can't really blame him for thinking I'm stupid, because quite honestly I don't even know what my brain does when I see him. It's like I go into dither-spaz-mode in the heat of the moment because of his good looks.
And his rather striking eyes. Even though they are usually in a glare.
Damnit!! I'm thinking of him.
I do not love Chiba Mamoru!
Woe is me! I do love him. In fact, I may even...luuuuurve him.
I can't sleep. I must start applying my beauty mask and moisturizer if I want to be prepared for my bump in with Mamoru tomorrow. I've already called Minako every fifteen minutes to go over what I should wear with her. She says I need to be cool and classy. Black and more black is the way to go.
Oooh ooh. Oooh I'm so excited. There is no way I can sleep tonight.
I've put on my moisturizing mask and am now searching through my drawers for every piece of black clothing I own.
Cannot be bothered.
I can't stand this. I must call Minako-chan again.
She sighed. "What do you want, Usagi? It's late, you know, and I am very busy and can't be interrupted every five minutes for your—"
"Everything I own is pink or has bunnies on it!! What am I going to do?"
"Hmm," She mumbled. She sounded distracted, like she wasn't listening to me.
"Minako-chan, what are you doing?"
"I'm wiggling my hips."
"Yes, actually. I just read in this magazine that wiggling your hips is one of the most sensual things you can do to entrap men in your web."
Ooooh. How sexy. I could entrap Mamoru in my web! I was instantly all ears and interested. "Tell me more about this."
"Well, er," She said, trying to sound all-knowing and dignified, "They also say that licking your lips is always a plus."
I looked in the mirror and was actually quite startled to see my green beauty mask staring back at me. I tried to practice the lip licking anyway, but I felt really ridiculous doing it.
"Minako, I'm not so sure about the lip licking thing."
"Well fine, but I do know what I'm talking about. I read tons of magazines and am le goddess of lurve after all."
I am practicing my hip wiggling and lip licking with ease. In fact, I think I've got the hang of it, even with a face mask on. If Mamoru didn't drop dead with amazement at my beauty and grace then I will have to kill him.
"Usagi? It's late! Why are you calling?" She growled.
"Listen, is it true that you can entrap a man by wiggling your hips?"
"What? You woke me up to ask me that?!"
"Rei, calm down. I really need to know. You see, I've been practicing and I just don't know if it's worth all the efforts and I—"
"USAGI!! Stop being so ridiculous! Shouldn't you be sleeping so you won't be late for our meeting tomorrow?"
"But Rei-chaaaan! Don't you see how important this is? I need to borrow that black skirt you have so I can be sophisticated and grown-up for Mamoru tomorrow..."
"I'm hanging up now."
And she did!! She hung up on me!! I cannot believe it. It is unbelievable that is why. I may never speak with her again I am so insulted.
I dialed Rei's number again.
"Hello?" She asked, sounding irritated.
And I put the phone down on her!! Hahahaha. She isn't the only one who can hang up on their friends! I am a genius.
Hahahhahaaha. Did you hear how she said "hello?" and I hung up on her? Oh god oh god I can't stop laughing.
I should basically do prank calls for a career. I am that good at it.
I am peacefully perfecting my men-entrapping skills in the one piece of black clothing I own. It is an ugly button up shirt with ruffles on the front. RUFFLES for God's sake. But I am just trying to get the idea of what a sophisticated woman may look like. I admit, I might have looked slightly odd in my pink pajama bottoms and green moisturizer mask, but you just have to ignore all these petty details sometimes. Men don't even notice details anyway… er… do they?
"OH MY GOD USAGI!"
I swirled around to see my evil, little brother cackling in my doorway.
"Shingo!!! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" I yelled.
"Oh my, Usagi! You've finally turned into the monster I've known you've been all along. You face is hideous!!"
I dived at him, but with years of practice he has mastered the side-stepping tactic.
Unfortunately, I have not.
I went crashing into the hallway and straight into the wall. My face hit first, and then I fell to the floor in agony, leaving behind long streaks of green moisturizer along the wall.
"And by the way," Shingo said casually, tucking his hands in his pockets and looking down at my bent and withered form. "You look like an idiot wiggling your hips that way!" He ran into his room and slammed the door behind him, laughing stupidly.
"I'LL KILL YOU!" I yelled after he had already disappeared, but it was pointless. Everything to do with little brother's is pointless, really.
"Oh dear, Usagi... what have you gotten yourself into now?"
I was frantically scrubbing at the walls trying to get the beauty mask off of it.
"Mom! It's all Shingo's fault!!"
Phew, all relaxed in my room now. I've put cucumbers on my eyes after washing off my beauty mask and changed into a short summer dress to model for tomorrow. I must say, I've got killer legs and even though it is not black, it does look quite grown-up (That's because I stole it out of the back of my mom's closet, but don't tell her that). Mamoru better appreciated the lengths I am going for my beauty regime. I feel so very tired from all the work I've done I might just...
My dearest fans,
(Cough cough, perhaps you are not fans yet, considering this is my first story, but to be quite honest, you would be a fool not to be fan. I am practically saint-like. And I have spent many a years rummaging through my inventive drawers in the writing department. Now back on to my author's note, which hasn't even started properly...Yet)
So what was I saying? Oh yes, do you know how much I love you all? A LOT. That is why I am bringing you this brilliance in fiction form. And also why I am begging you for reviews. Groveling might be a better term.
P.S. I promise Mamoru will be in the next chappie.
P.P.S. I could go on but I feel slightly tired with all my creativity and creatosity being wasted in this author's note. Er, I mean not wasted. I mean sent with all my love to youuuu dear readers (grovel grovel).