Holy crap. I've updated! WHAT? Ya...I know its been a yr...but ya know what? SCHOOL SUCKS! And WORK SUCKS! Ugh life in general SUCKS!. But also another reason why I haven't updated is because I can't stand the earlier chapters to this fic. they are so bad. So hopefully I'll get around to fixing them up.

Well make sure you read the revamped chapter 14 before reading this...CUZ I TOTALLY added NEW SCENES. SO check it out and review.

by my side you'll never be
by my side you'll never be

cause I'm fake at the seams
lost in my dreams
and I want you to know
that I cant let you go
you're never comin' home again

I hold the document tightly in my hands. Shikamaru is holding his head in his hands. He is so tense I feel like he'll burst in minute now. This was how I found him 5 minutes ago. The document had been thrown carelessly to the floor and Shikamaru couldn't look me in the eye when I picked it up. "Just read it Sakura...and forgive Konoha...please." He whispers. My eyes widen. No longer able to hold back any restraint I tear open the document. I read through it franticly. What she read shocked her.

"The Uchiha clan descended from the elder of the two sons entrusted by the Sage of the Six Paths with his power and will. When it came time for the Sage to chose a successor, he questioned the two on what course of action they would follow to bring order to the world. The elder believed that might was the way to bring peace, while the younger believed love was the way. The Sage favored the ideal of the younger brother, and therefore designated the younger as his successor, causing the elder to be filled with jealousy and hatefulness. From the younger boy descended the Senju clanwho would be the eternal rivals of the Uchiha. Before the founding of the ninja villages, the Uchiha were one of the many mercenary clans for hire. Because of their Sharingan, the Uchiha clan came to be known as one of the two strongest clans, the second being the Senju clan. Madara Uchiha was particularly powerful, and, upon attaining the Mangekyō Sharingan, he took control of the clan. Under his leadership the Uchiha grew stronger, conquering whatever clans they came upon, such that, whenever the Uchiha clan was hired for a job, the opposing side would hire the Senju.

Hashirama Senju, the leader of the Senju clan, grew tired of the endless fighting, and approached the Uchiha clan with a peace treaty. Madara feared that an alliance would lead the Uchiha to ruin, but his clan disagreed, and he was forced to accept. The two clans came together to form Konoha, with Hashirama being selected as Hokage. Madara believed that this was proof that the Uchiha would be made subservient to the Senju, but his clan saw this only as his attempt to rekindle the flames of war. They turned their backs on him, and he defected. Following Madara's betrayal, the Second Hokagegave the Uchiha control of the Konoha Military Police Forceas a sign of trust. Over the years, some Uchiha, have figured out this motive's true meaning, and tried to rebel against the village as Madara did, but they found that it was too late to make a difference, as the Senju had already completely suppressed the Uchiha.

Years later, after the Nine-Tails' Attack on Konoha, Konoha began to suspect that an Uchiha was behind the attack. The Uchiha were relocated to a corner of the village so that they could be more easily monitored. The Uchiha interpreted this as confirmation of what Madarahad warned them of years earlier, and began to plan overthrowing the village. One Uchiha, Itachi, disagreed with the coup d'état, and informed Konoha's leadership of what the Uchiha were up to. The Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, tried to negotiate for a more peaceful approach. This failed, and to prevent an uprising that would create another war, Itachi was ordered to wipe out the Uchiha Clan. "

I inhaled quickly. My throat seemed to constrict. This couldn't be true...It couldn't. Konoha would never..

My mind was becoming a jumbled mess I couldn't breathe and my knees were weak. My hands shook threatening to tear the 10 years old paper...I realized I was having a panic attack. "Sakura please say something" I heard Shikamaru whisper. I jerked my head up at him still breathing erratically. The sudden movement threw me off balance and my legs finally gave in and I sank to the floor still clutching the document tightly.

The Uchiha were forming a coup d'état...

Itachi was a double agent...

Itachi was ordered to wipe out the Uchiha clan...

I squeezed my eyes shut. This couldn't be right...Itachi...hated Konoha...Itachi killed mercilessly...Itachi cared about nothing...

Then suddenly a voice I hadn't heard in over 4 years spoke.

That's not true...He cared about you. He could have killed you...but he didn't...he could have killed Sasuke but he didn't. He let you protect him. He let you...

My inner voice spoke sadly.

He let you find any excuse to save anyone... He never killed Ino. He never killed Kakashi...He never killed Shikamaru and Lee...Kisame killed...YOU killed...but He... He never killed anyone.

"Oh god!" I breathe out as I choked back my sobs. My hand covers my mouth finally releasing the piece of paper that had just destroyed everything I know. Everything that has happened over the last two years flashes before my eyes. My anger and hatred at Itachi...how I spewed so many curses at his face and he didn't even bat an eye. Him saving me from Orochimaru...Him asking me to stay. Him trusting me. Him protecting me. Him giving me a way out-

Suddenly my heart stops...I remember...that conversation between Pein and Him just before we had left to fight Sasuke.

"When you let her in Aktsuki you knew where her allegiance would always lie." Itachi spoke as he walked towards me. "Such silly loyalties should have been cast away by now-" Pein spoke as he gave Itachi a look I couldn't decipher. "-but then again you already know that now don't you, Itachi-san?" Itachi stopped in front of me. "You know where my loyalties lie." Itachi said softly as he looked at Pein's Aktsuki coat. Pein smirked "Yes I suppose" He said sounding as if he was just humoring Itachi. I didn't understand. It felt like they were having a conversation with no words. The tension was unbearable."

It had been right there...screaming at me. That's why Pein wanted Itachi dead. He knew too much and wasn't even on his side. Pein knew! He knew the pain Itachi was going through and he flaunted it in his face! Itachi had only done what he had been ordered...and he still saved Sasuke. And now...now he was dead.

I thought I loved him...but how I can love someone and not see how much pain he was in!

I suddenly feel something touching my back and I look up and see Shikamaru at my side. He looks so guilty. Like he was the one that ordered Itachi to do this. It helped...knowing someone else felt awful. Knowing I'm not the only one. I lean my head on his shoulder and his arm wraps around my back. We just sit there as he holds me as I cry silently.
I cry myself to sleep.

"Do you ever think about it?" I ask him as he sharpens his kunia on the bed. It was one of those rare days where Itachi and I didn't have a mission. I was looking out the window watching the storm settle, fighting my own growing boredom. I had found that it was never a good idea for me to be bored because I usually asked stupid and personal questions at Itachi. He never seemed to mind though. Almost as if he enjoyed humoring me. But this question wasn't like all my silly ones...it had a meaning behind it. It was something I had been wondering for a long time. He looked at me but didn't say anything. But I could tell he was waiting for me to continue. I breath in and form my words carefully "About if it hadn't happened...if you didn't-" I hesitate. I can't utter those words. Those words could shatter everything I have put together so carefully. The words -kill your family- are taboo. But I keep going cause he knows exactly where I am going. He's always known. "-would you have stayed? Would we have met? Or if you left would you still join Akatsuki?" I speak softly. I knew I was crossing some invisible line but I was never very good at curbing my curiosity. I was always a stubborn child. I tense when he suddenly stands up from the bed where he had been sitting. His kunia lay forgotten on the bed. He walked towards the window I stood in front of. I cross my arms over my chest subconsciously. He was silent for a long time as he just looked out the window and I just looked at him. "The past cannot be changed, Sakura." His spoke suddenly. I looked away immediately. I lower my head so my bangs hide my eyes and whisper "But what if-" "Then you would surely be with Sasuke" He interrupts me coldy. I tense. I look up at him...anger boiling in my veins. "You don't know that!" "I thought that was what you wanted Sakura. To be with your first love." He turns and stares at me. "You wouldn't be here if he hadn't betrayed you." I knew he was right. But was it so wrong for me to wish for a better world for us? "I can't give you what you want, Sakura." He says to me. His eyes piercing my very soul. I grit my teeth. "When have I ever asked you for anything! Forget I said anything. It was just a simple question. I didn't have any ulterior motives. All I want is to just be beside you!" I yelled at him. I haven't been this angry at him in a long time. I have always been careful with my emotions around him. Because I knew he wouldn't understand. All he knew is what he was taught -Train. Fight. Kill- "Then you have what you want" He said. I blink. I then realize what he means. I smile slightly and turn back towards the window clasping my hands behind my back. "Yea. I geuss I do." And I never will bring up the subject again. Because he couldn't give me what I need. But he could give me what I want.

I don't know when it was but I remember Shikamaru's voice through my -memory- dream.
"Oh good. Your here." I could hear him say. Someone shuffled in the room and I felt someone moving me and picking me up but I was too tired to wake. "She's been though a lot." "I'm sorry she had to find out like this." Someone else spoke...it was a voice I closely recognized. "What about you? How are you holding up about finding out?" Shikamaru asked. I felt someone grasp me a little tighter. "I always knew there was something up...but I never thought it would have been the elders. When you told me over the phone I was a little shell shocked. But Sakura is the one we need to worry about. Who knows how she'll react to Konoha now." The person that held me spoke.

"Then take her home...she need to rest."
"Thank you Shikamaru. Others wouldn't have come forward about such a ugly matter"
Shikamaru sighed. "Maybe. Just take care of her, Kakashi"

I don't remember much after that. But I do remember wishing I could go back to my dream. My dream where I was oblivious and Itachi was anything but cruel.

by my side you'll never be

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