(Akatsuki Frequently Unanswered Questions)
Genre: Humour/ Down right illogical stupidity!
Rating: T/ M
Rating is only for some jokes with an adult theme… but nothing too heavy… I can't help it, Akatsuki jokes are not fun without a little tease!
Here is the second chapter and hopefully the last chapter of 'Akatsuki FUQ' so I hope you enjoy it… cuz it will have the same cheesy and corny humour as before! –hoots-
Disclaimer: Me no owny…!
Ame: Okay, I am gonna come back to you, 'Barbie Swan Lake', but for now, let's welcome the ever-so-hunky-yet-religious dude, Hidan!
-Crowd starts praying and saying Amen-
-Another light is turned on from the side and a figure with his hands clasped is sitting on the chair with his eyes closed-
Itachi: There he goes again with his prayer… if Kakuzu would've been here, he would have so kicked Hidan's butt!
Ame: uh Hidan, that's enough of the prayer…
Hidan: And please help me in gaining an even more gorgeous body and please keep my hair like this forever and please don't give me wrinkles when I grow old and thank you for providing me with food to fill my stomach with. Amen
Sasori: That's quite enough, new-bee, you should thank the leader for filling your stomach for now…
Hidan: I was going to- W-wait… where am I? I thought I was in the temple but…
Ame: Welcome, Hidan, to me top secret layer…!!!
Hidan: What top secret layer?
Deidara: It's her evil "Top Secret 'Completely-Dedicated-to-Akatsuki-interrogation' layer" which is based directly next to our Akatsuki top secret layer…
Hidan: Hontou? Is there a shrine inside because I don't see one… maybe I should make one for you so that you can pray without even leaving your layer. -says over-excitedly-
Ame: T-That's okay, Hidan, I can go to the shrine, I don't mind… -rubs head and sweat-drops-
Hidan: If you say so… so have you kept all of us here for interrogation…?
Ame: HAI!!!! -beams in pride again- I am going to as you some "Frequently Unanswered Questions"…
Hidan: You cant do that, we are the Akatsuki, we are the most evil diabolical organization in the world!! -protests-
Kisame: Yeah, we eat little girls with red scarves!!
Deidara: You stupid ass, that's the story of Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf who eats her, not the story of Akatsuki, yeah!
Itachi: -shakes head in disappointment- I am STILL surrounded by morons…
Ame: So on with the interrogation-
Hidan: Not yet. If you have to start, I need to go through the 'Before-you-start-being-tortured-by-torturous-interrogation-by-a-person-named-Ame-then-pray-this' ritual before you start… -starts clasping his hands, closing his eyes and muttering odd words to himself-
Hidan: -breaks away from the prayer- By the way, why don't you guys just beat the crap out of this Ame character and get out of here?
Sasori: Don't you think we already tried that, shit head!?
Deidara: Like, yeah, I mean, you think we would have tried to avoid violence?
Itachi: Yup, even he is a buffoon…
Kisame: Besides, we cant just walk out of here… she has glued us here with "Super, DUPER Ultra-strong Permanent Steel Special Akatsuki Member Stick Glue"… its Ultra-strong!
Hidan: Then all we can do is hope for the best and… PRAY!!
Ame: -sighs- so here is my question to you-
Hidan: Bless this interrogation, Amen. opens eyes
Ame: -shrugs- So Hidan, have you ever slept with a woman before?
Hidan: N-No!! That is ridiculous… It is absolutely against my Buddhist teachings! I am not married so I will not even think of adultery…
Kisame: You are really pathetic… -narrows eyes-
Deidara: -whispers in Sasori's ears- No actually, that just proves that he's gay…
Ame: That's nice… I think… but anyways! Do you know your ABC?
Hidan: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P- -sings in the nursery rhyme tune-
Itachi: Okay… that is just down right freakin' disturbing…!!
Kisame: -starts swaying with the jolly tune- Q R S T U V… umm… Hidan, fill me in…
Hidan: W X Y Z!! Now I know my A B C, next time wont you sing with me? -still in the tune-
Itachi, Deidara, Ame and Sasori: NO! -in unison-
Hidan: Hontou? Suit yourself…
Ame: Is it true that you have used a little bit of Kakashi's hair and had a hair transplant to get those silvery…. Um… some color hair?
Hidan: No actually, his silver is a little lighter than mine… but I like mine better!
Deidara: But naturally, mine is better!
Ame: No one asked you… -rolls eyes-
Hidan: It is not! Jashin-sama has blessed me with better hair and better looks, hontou…
Deidara: That's it! You are going down monk-dude, yeah! I am so gonna blow the HOLY shit outta you, yeah!
-starts to stuff his hands in the bags beside him-
Ame: I wouldn't do that if I were you… if you make something explode in such a compact place, Hidan wouldn't be the only one without a single body…
Itachi: Get your hands out of that thing, Deidara! -growls-
Deidara: -sighs angrily- you got away this time, Hidan, but you won't be this lucky the next time!
Ame: Can you make Chicken Pie?
Sasori: Of coarse he cant!
Hidan: Actually, my mom did teach me once on an offering held at the local shrine…
Itachi: The Akatsuki is officially hopeless…
Ame: How was your honeymoon with Naruto?
Hidan: -looks confused- I-I am not gay and I HATE YAOI!
Ame: How was your honeymoon with Naruto?
Hidan: I'm telling you I am not gay!! Cant you understand me!?!
Ame: How was your honey moon with Naruto?
Hidan: I am not having an AFFAIR WITH THE ENEMY!!!
Ame: You call yourself a member of the most evil organization in the world and you cant even answer a simple good or bad question… How was your honey moon with Naruto?
Hidan: I DIDN'T GO ON A HONEYMOON WITH NARUTO! -fury rages out-
Ame: Why didn't you just say so… no need to scream… - mumbles under breath-
Sasori: I am so gonna get that Kyuubi!
Ame: -sweat-drops- where did that come from?
Itachi: Hands off, Sasori, for Naruto-kun is mine!
Ame: EW! You are both gay… I really don't know what you see in Naruto… he isn't that attractive a bishounin… -asks Deidara-
Deidara: I don't know… maybe Sasori-danna 'NOSE'!!!!
-starts laughing again except this time Itachi isn't there to accompany him… he is busy in rivalry with Sasori-
Itachi: I AM NOT GAY!! I want the kyuubi inside of him!
Ame: That still doesn't change who you really are Itachi-kun…
Itachi: You know… you are really starting to tick me off now! –screams-
Deidara: I have never seen Itachi loose his temper like this before…
Kisame: I haven't either, and I've been with him the most… -shrugs-
Itachi: Don't you dare say that you, dude-who-plays-wit-barbie-swan-lake-and-listens-to-Brittany-Spears-and-Spice-girls! –screams on Kisame's face- I am NEVER to be seen with you again!
Hidan: Barbie Swan Lake? Brittany Spears? What the hell is that? –asks in utter confusion-
Ame: Right… so on to our next question! By the way, this question is to you, Deidara.
Ame: How many times, and answer me honestly, how many times have you actually slept with Sasori?
Sasori: Don't answer that question!! –holds his hand up to Deidara-
Deidara: Who the hell told you that I slept with him!?!?!
Ame: So you did sleep with him… -grins-
Sasori: -smacks head in irritation- Idiot!
Deidara: Why do you do that!!??!
Ame: Do what? –asks innocently-
Deidara: Ask us suspicious questions and let our guilt answer for us!
Ame: I dunno… maybe cuz I like humiliating you with your guilt! Besides, I need to something about my boredom!
Deidara: I am so not gay!
Ame: Yeah, sure you're not! You sleep with Sasori, who I might remind you is a guy, but you aren't gay… -rolls eyes-
Sasori: He hasn't slept with me!
Deidara- Yeah, like that wouldn't give it away, Sasori-danna… -narrows eyes-
Hidan: What's up with your nose, Sasori-sama…?
Sasori: -puts the huge mask on- N-Nothing… it just… um… it just EXPANDED due to the heat… that's all! –Sweats in nervousness-
Hidan: Hontou? You should've used better wood, you know! –says informatively-
Kisame: Like he wouldn't know better…
Ame: Question to Hidan. Do you like Tobi better or Kakuzu?
Hidan: Kakuzu is my partner, of course I like him better… though Tobi isn't that bad…
Ame: So you are admitting you are having an affair with Kakuzu… -stating the obvious-
Hidan: I-I didn't say that! Yaoi is against my beliefs! –stumbles upon words-
Ame: So how is your affair with Might Guy? –asks Kisame-
Kisame: I am NOT having an affair with that pathetic, loserific, poor-memoried, low-life looser! By the way, you've been harping about our fake relations and affairs! Why don't you tell us how you're affair with Itachi is going?
Ame: It's been very bland recently but I have nothing to complain about…
Itachi: -jumps up as much as he could with the chair still stuck to his bum in surprise and shock- W-what! I am not having an affair with you! –points at Ame-
Ame: -rolls finger on his arm- Sure you're not, Koishii… (Koishii means darling)
Itachi: -tried to get away- Get away from me!!
Kisame: You leave Itachi-san alone! –gets close to Itachi to get Ame away from him protectively-
Itachi: -sees how close Kisame is to his face and suddenly turns away to hug Ame- Get away from me, Kisame. Don't you even come near me, you're a freakin' she-man!
Sasori: Is it just me or is it getting hot in here? –the puppet around him suddenly falls off to reveal the ever-so-adorable and cute Sasori-
Ame: -lets go of Itachi and starts drooling- H-huh… Sasori…
Itachi: You are so weird! –eyes Ame-
Ame: -suddenly regains consciousness- I know! But you know I would never cheat on you, Itachi-kun!
Itachi: -sweat drops- A-ah…
Ame: So, Sasori, why did you REALLY turn your parents into puppets?
Sasori: Because I was not getting a worth while allowance from my dad and my mom wasn't baking me my favourite dish… -closes eyes and states-
-Everybody's jaw dropped-
Itachi: That's it! You didn't get enough money so you turned your parents into puppets! –baffles-
Sasori: You shouldn't be so surprised, Itachi. You killed your whole clan just to test your capacity…
Itachi: Oh yeah… well I just said that as a speech of moment's condition… -rubs head-
Deidara: What was your favourite dish, yeah?
Sasori: Takoyaki with Salsa-honey sauce mixed with Nachos… (Takoyaki is octopus balls)
-Everyone sweat drops-
Hidan: -holds up finger and beams- I KNOW HOW TO MAKE THAT DISH!
-everyone falls on the floor, face down-
Kisame: Hold on –pointing to the writer- how can we fall face down when our butts are sticking to the chair…?
Writer: It's just a FIGURE PF SPEECH, SHE-MAN!! You cant converse with the writer so get back to you're she-manness!
Ame: Hey, wasn't I the writer?
Ame: Right… so let us bring in another entry! Please welcome, Kakuzu!
Kakuzu: Oh come on… just one night… I will make SURE you come back for more- Wait a minute! WHERE THE HECK AM I!?!?!?!
Hidan: Who WERE YOU TALKING TO!?!?!
Kakuzu: H-Hidan… umm… no one!
Hidan: I TOLD YOU! Don't flirt with girls and DON'T invite them to bed! It is against the will of Jashin-sama!
Kakuzu: Oh shut up! So where am I and HOW DID I GET HERE!? –tries to regain the anger of the moment-
Ame: You are in my "Top Secret 'Completely-Dedicated-to-Akatsuki-interrogation' layer" which is based directly next to our Akatsuki top secret layer!
Kakuzu: That's a very long name… but don't worry! I wont need to remember it! It will be wiped off from the map in a few seconds! –spits-
Ame: It isn't on a map! It's top secret, you dope!
Kakuzu: Don't mock me! It's gone anyways…! AHHHHHH!! –puts all his force in his hand and gets up from his chair to run and destroy the layer-
Kakuzu: -after a while of charging, notices that he hasn't moved one inch from his original position- What is up with you're chairs, you freak!?
Hidan: You cant destroy this place… if this place goes down, so do we. She has glued us here with "Super, DUPER Ultra-strong Permanent Steel Special Akatsuki Member Stick Glue"… so we are bound and all we can do is pray…
Ame: Kakuzu, Swear on your leader's life that you will speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God.
Kakuzu: I don't believe in God. –states blankly-
Hidan: -puts up the largest fist with the largest vein popping out anyone has ever seen- WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?
Deidara: Calm down, Hidan…
Kakuzu: You wanna piece of me, you weak piece of shit!?
Hidan: Bring it on! Jashin-sama is with me!
Ame: Hidan, I have a question… if you have such strong and faithful beliefs in Kami-sama and righteousness like no adultery and stuff… why are you part of an Evil organization who's soul purpose is to destroy and has no code of honor?
Hidan: Actually… The Akatsuki has a code of honor… get you're respective Kyuubi or become a gay emo guy who is hated by all…
Deidara: Like Orochimaru, yeah…
Itachi: That dude is such a loser! He's a total wimp! I cant even understand why he was allowed in the Akatsuki?! I think he didn't actually resign, I think the leader threw him out!
Sasori: You're just jealous cuz he has the hots for your younger brother and not you…
Itachi: Okay see… that wasn't even funny… that was just down right wrong… I mean I didn't know you could fall even lower than the Hookers'… -narrows eyes to Sasori, convincing him enough that this wasn't the real reason behind his feelings towards Orochimaru-
Sasori: -nervously- Don't say that out loud, Itachi…
Itachi: What? About you going to Hookers' every night…? –asks innocently yet conniving-
Kakuzu: -starts laughing- I didn't think you had it in you, Sasori!
Ame: he has it in him alright…
Deidara: You know nothing yet, Kakuzu… -eyes Itachi-
Itachi: -to Deidara- He 'NOSE' nothing, either!
-Both start laughing and give a high five-
Ame: Would you two stop with the 'NOSE' already… it's so old that it's giving me fuckin' wrinkles!
Itachi: It aint our fault you can't respect and understand a good joke…
Ame: It ISNT a good joke… -says in annoyance-
Deidara: What ever… -rolls eyes and starts laughing again with Itachi-
Sasori: It Is amazing how you two can grab something so corny and yet laugh at it still…
-Hidan, Kakuzu and Kisame look at each other's faces, then to the rest of the four and the towards themselves in confusion-
Hidan: What is wrong with those two? –points to two hysterical Akatsuki members-
Kisame: So the effects of the company of Ame has finally gone to Itachi-san's head…
Hidan: Hontou? I didn't think it would be THIS bad… oh please Jashin-sama be with me and make me strong so that I don't let Ame make me nuts…
Kakuzu: You don't need to be driven nuts…
Hidan: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?
Kakuzu: It means, YOU ARE ALREADY NUTS!
Ame: Okay… we'll take a break here but stay tuned!
Kakuzu: This is BEING AIRED!?!? –screams-
Ame: No… I just like saying that… -snickers and shrugs-
I'm tired so I'll stop here… I know… you must be thanking me that I stopped with all my corniness! Anyways… so I guess I'll have to put another chapter but it will also be up soon enough… so please bare with me!
Until then… I'll just say that I will introduce a little more of Kakuzu, then Tobi and then finally, the leader!!!!