Kasumi's latest dish is to die for.

Delicious Irony
by MingShun


I don't own Ranma. The honors belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I wish to borrow her characters for this story. I don't intend to make a profit from it.


Kasumi stared at the latest mess in the kitchen. Ruined pots and pans were strewn everywhere. Brown hairy gunk was dripping off the walls. A green slime covered the floor. And the sink...even she didn't think that the kitchen's cupboards contained enough dishes to create a tower that high.

This was the third day in a row that Akane had wanted to cook, and the mess was just as bad as ever. The eldest Tendo sister let out a sigh before she turned to eye an oddly shaped bottle that was lying amidst a haphazard pile of spice containers. Reaching over to upright the dripping plastic container, she read the label before wondering where in her kitchen she had stored this bottle of -beep- poison. Nothing came to mind.

Giving another sigh, she turned and bent down to pick up one of the discarded frying pans. Without even examining it, she knew that this frying pan wasn't useable anymore. Before throwing it out, she took a close look at it. The odd holes that peppered the bottom of the steel pan seemed to be the direct result of a shotgun accident. But that's just silly right?

She found the firearm in the refrigerator a half an hour later.

-o-o-(The Next Day)-o-o-

"Sorry Kasumi!"

"I'm a bit busy Kasumi."

"When will lunch be ready, Kasumi?"

"Could you clean up the mess from the new hole in the roof Kasumi?"

"Kasumi, it's raining. Are those the clothes that you hung up this morning?"


"Dinner is ready," Kasumi nervously called out.

Despite calling out in a volume that made mice seem loud, minutes later, the Saotome and Tendo family had gathered at the dinner table indicating that their hunger was far too sharp for any mention of food to go unnoticed.


"Kasumi, this tastes strange," Soun finally said.

Kasumi sat up ramrod straight, her eyes wide in fear. "Ah! I'm sorry father. I put the -beep- poison in too early, I was afraid to try it afterwards," she said before she picked at her untouched plate.

She looked up and blinked.

Everyone except Akane was staring at her in confusion, so she decided to add, "I tried to put in the proper amount of seasoning, but I suppose they were not balanced correctly."

"Oh," Soun finally said. Everyone returned to their dish and continued to eat. It's true that it tasted strange and contained poison, but after three days of Akane's cooking, this was heaven.

Their eyes suddenly bugged out.

"Akane!" Almost everyone shouted at the same time as they turned just in time to see the youngest Tendo girl bonelessly fall over.


"Hurry! Someone call an ambulance," Nabiki shouted as she ran to her sister's side.

The energy from her surprise evaporated in an instant. "Nevermind. It's too late," she coolly said as she pulled her fingers away from her younger sister's wrist.

The group was silent for a moment as they looked to one another for advice. This level of weirdness exceeded anything they had seen before.

Nabiki finally spoke up. "You know...I really don't know whether I should damn her cooking or praise it."

The others promptly returned their gaze to the one that the middle Tendo sister was referring to.

Off to the side and forgotten, Kasumi had a hand to her lips. "I think I did a bad thing," she whispered.



The shotgun was a red herring. It's in there to obscure the true killer.

Why did shotgun pellets manage to break through a steel frying pan? Because it can. For those of you who want a better answer, Akane's cooking somehow weakened the bottom of the pan first. Then the shotgun went off.

Irony on so many levels, really delicious. Akane dies because she doesn't ever try her own cooking. The writer of the story that I derived this from is an Akane fan. Akane dies from an ingredient that she had somehow conjured up the previous night. No guns were used. The list goes on.

The -beep-? Censoring. After all, I'm sort of eating my own words when I write this. It's DIFFERENT because something completely unexpected happens, but some twats will say otherwise.

Credits to Hairann for his story "Oh My."