Characters: Dick, Veronica, Logan, Mac, mentions of Lilly and Beaver
A/N: Everyone waiting for an update for RFE won't have to wait long. It should be up by Wed. As for this story, I posted it on LJ but just realized I never put it here-my bad.
Visits from the Past
It was during his funeral when it all started.
I stared at the perfect clouds above me without blinking. I couldn't look away. It was soothing to watch them float gently through the sky.
I watched Mac as she stood and layed a rose on the closed casket. Tears falling down her cheeks, she slowly made her way back to the seat beside me.
I looked back up into the perfect blue sky and cringed. Shouldn't it be raining? That would be more fitting than a warm, bright afternoon. As I was staring into the blinding light of the sun, I heard laughter. Her laughter.
I was pissed. I looked around and froze. I began blinking rapidly at the sight in front of me. There she was sitting on his casket. Laughing. Long blonde hair flowing in the breeze and a sparkle in her eye.
"The weather? Really? You're at your brothers funeral and that's what you're thinking about?" She giggled and traced a delicate pattern on the casket.
I glanced at the few people that actually attended the funeral but no one seemed to notice her.
"They can't see me, silly! Only you." She answered my unspoken question. "I guess that means you're lucky!"
I refused to speak to her. She wasn't real. Only she was. Does it still mean you're crazy if you don't talk to your hallucination but it talks to you?
"He always seemed nice and normal. Poor, poor Cassidy." She sighed sadly before fading into the air.
"Are you okay?" I looked at the person who spoke. It was Mac.
She looked tired and queasy. I knew the feeling well.
Two days later I was sitting on Logans couch watching infomercials when I heard her laugh again. I glanced at her and sighed. She was sitting next to me watching the cheap infomercial and fiddling with the hem of her white dress.
"I love this one! I mean just look at how sharp that knife is. I know if I ever get the urge to cut through an aluminum can, I would be happy that I had that baby around."
"What are you doing?" I asked confused.
"Watching t.v. with you." She answered as if I was dumb.
"Are you haunting me?" I asked slowly
"Call it what you want. I prefer visiting but whatever."
"Don't you… I don't know, have to be dead to haunt someone?"
"You would think that, huh? I guess not though since here I am." She answered brightly.
"Veronica! This makes no sense!" I yelled.
"When does life ever make sense?"
I stared at her for a minute then went back to watching t.v.
I began keeping an eye open for her. I didn't want to be surprised by her again.
I wasn't the least bit shocked when a week later she showed up. I was standing on the beach talking to Logan when she appeared beside him.
"He really is cute. I can see why I'm dating him." Veronica said as she played with a strand of his hair. He didn't notice, much to my relief.
Veronica, the real Veronica walked over, and stood beside my Veronica. I couldn't help but stare. They were so different. One dressed in a pink sweater with long blonde hair, an innocent smile and a sparkle in her eye. The other with shorter hair, dressed in a brown t-shirt, a sad smile on her lips and a hint of pity in her eyes. The past and present standing side by side.
Past Veronica smiled sadly at me. "So much loss."
I immediately went home and got plastered much to the disappointment of both Veronicas. What else was there to do?
A week later I was sitting on the beach when she appeared beside me.
"Whatcha doin?" She asked lightly.
"Nothing. Go away."
"Nope. I'm going to stay right here!" she said happily.
"Why the fuck are you here?" I asked angrily.
"I dunno. You tell me. It's your subconscious! At least I think it is." Veronica turned back to watching the waves.
"Why would I ask if I know? Besides, why the hell is it you of all people 'haunting' me?" I asked angrily.
"You know why." She said simply.
"No, I fucking don't! Just leave me alone." I yelled.
"It can't be ignored. You have to face it sometime." Veronica said softly before fading.
I stared at my wall the entire night, thinking. Why be haunted by Veronica fucking Mars? I never really thought about it before but I guess I kinda figured if I was going be haunted by anyone that it would be by him. Or Lilly Kane. Not by someone who wasn't even dead. I couldn't figure it out. What I did know was that I had to get out of the house.
I drove aimlessly for nearly an hour before I parked. Glancing around I was shocked by where I was at. I jumped out of the car and ran like my life depended on it.
I stumbled and fell to my knees.
"Why here?" I asked confused.
"You know why." Veronica rolled her eyes. "You've just gotten really good at denial…kinda like the new me."
"This is what you've been wanting? Me to come here?" I gasped out, face still buried in my hands.
When she didn't answer I just cried harder.
"You never answered my question from earlier. Why you?" I turned to look at her but there was nothing. I had been talking to thin air for god knows how long.
When she didn't show up a couple of days later I really freaked everyone out. I went to the police station and started yelling about the pretty blonde girl that was gone. Missing. They called Mac to pick me up. When she showed up twenty minutes later with Veronica in tow I felt like an ass. The deputies told them everything that happened. They questioned me about it, but I couldn't explain to them what I had been talking about. I mean how do you tell someone that their past self has been haunting you? When I looked at Veronica I saw something in her eyes I had never seen before. Understanding. Did she know what it was like? I looked away quickly.
It's been three weeks since that day she left and there's still no sign of my blonde little hallucination. I catch myself looking for her everywhere I go. She's never there.
Logan walked towards me with Veronica by his side. I looked away quickly. It's what I do these days. Never look at real Veronica for too long. If I did the unanswered question would come back. Actually, it never really left my mind. I'm just getting better at pushing it aside.
"You okay?" Veronica asked.
I made the mistake of glancing at her and found my eyes locked with blue.
As I looked into her eyes the answer to that maddening question filled my insides.
It's the reason I never look her in the eyes anymore. It's the reason I find myself more often than not parked outside of the house where she disappeared.