Dinner…Christmas Dinner…With Dr. Martinez… And Jeb… And Ella… And me, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, Max, and Angel. Talk about awkward. This is almost worse than when Angel read my somewhat inappropriate thoughts…about Ma- I mean the centerfold in the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition. Then proceeded to give an in depth analysis (how she knew all that stuff at six I do not know and I don't want to ever find out) about aforementioned thoughts. Then told Jeb, and we all experienced the bliss of 'The Talk'. Max, Iggy, and I got a VERY graphic explanation of the human reproductive system and those 'funny feelings' we would have every now and again. I am Jack's raging bile duct. (Fight Club reference). Again i almost /i worse than this. But those diagrams were thorough.
Ever since Max and I started- sort of… Dating, things were different. Not that I didn't like different. Different was tastey, I mean… Yeah. Anyways, Ella was the only one at the dinner table who knew about our little shinanigans. She was sworn to secrecy, until we, Max and me I mean, decided the flock, as well as mom( Ms.Martinez) and Jeb, should share in our joy! (Hint the sarcasm.) Not that Max and I weren't happy with the relationship, we were very happy…it's just that, well you know, it might become awkward if everyone knew. Which brings us to now.
The dinner table was crowded- it was only supposed to hold four people- there were five too many and we have big bulky wings. But hey, the food was good. I was scarfing down my fourth helping of mashed potatoes, and then conversations started bubbling up again. Jeb and Ms. Martinez were discussing science crap. The kind of mumbo jumbo no one but them understood. I'm sure their conversation was absolutely riveting.
On the other end of the table, Gazzy and Angel were having quiet gravy fights and no one was stopping them, so they didn't cease fire. O the joys of being young and cute. I sat next to Iggy, who was sitting i very /i next to Ella and Max was directly across from me talking with a very perturbed Nudge. I had a feeling for a while that she had a thing for Iggy and the daggers she was shooting toward Ella was a definite indication that my suspicions were right on. I glanced over at Iggy and he was blindly (no seriosuly) flirting like a complete baboon with Ella. It was obvious they were in loooooooovvvee. Max tore herself away from the convo with Nudge to look at me and we locked eyes shortly. Jeb eyed both of us, and we froze. Did I mention the whole 'tell the flock we were together' plan hadn't exactly been initiated yet? Well, yeah it hadn't, so we quickly became strangely enthralled with our turkey. Gobble gobble. I noticed Jeb standing up- presumably to propose a toast. Angel was staring at me. She had a funny look in her eyes.
"Well, I would just like to tell you… How happy I am that…" he went off on some verbal rampage about "feeling like a family!". Needless to say… I tuned him out catching a hearty laugh or teary eyed sentiment every so often. Max was stretching and I eyed her furtively, watching as her shirt slowly rose above her stomach, thinking how incredibly hot she would look in tiny little lingerie. My mind began to wonder off on its own- which is something it did frequently now a days.
I was startled by a sudden outburst from across the table. "Fang, what's lingerie?" asked Angel. Confused, everyone stopped and turned towards me, my face growing redder than a tomato. Max decided to break the silence first.
"Where did you hear that sweetie, was it on tv or something?" She questioned nicely; I winced. She had NO idea where this was going.
"I heard it in Fangs head" she smiled all innocent, "He was thinking about you," and then I looked over at Max… Oh boy. Oh. Wow. Oh. God.
"Someones in trouble" I heard Gazzy mutter. He had no idea how true that was.
Max was now the only one sending daggers, and they were aimed at me.
I thought t might be wise if I left the scene of the crime, so I promptly excused myself to the bathroom.
All the while Jeb and Ms. Martinez stared at each other, shock evident in their eyes.
Max and I reached the bathroom, where she began hitting me. A lot.
"What is your damage, man?" I screamed at her.
"Lingerie? What the hell? No really. What. The. Hell? You're even more delusional than I thought if you think I'm ever putting on sexists little demeaning outfits for you."
Oh. Well there goes that plan.
"I didn't ask you to wear anything! I just thought of you wearing something" I said.
She was livid. I could hear the venom in her voice as she said , "so not the point. But we can talk about that later, now we figure out what we're going to tell everyone?"
'Well the cats outta the bag, so we can't exactly pretend nothing's going on," I said playfully, but my attempt to lighten the mood was sadly squashed. I could tell she was about to fire back at me, but quickly composed herself. She was good at hiding her emotions.
She breathed in and out very loudly, and finally spoke " I guess we have no choice but to go out there and tell them what's going on."
"I guess so" I agreed. Then, just being Max, she switched moods completely. I swear sometimes I think she's bipolar.
She smiled and walked to me. It wasn't her usual gait, it was the one that made me want to throw her on the bed and have my wicked sexist way with her. She knew this, and often used it to her advantage. The advantage being that I almost fall over whenever she does it. "So, about that lingerie?"
Then I relaxed and beamed right back.
"What color did you imagine i this /i time? And at the dinner table too! Honestly, it never stops does it?" I was sitting on the edge of the bath tub and she straddled me, which forced both of us in the tub. She took her nails and massaged the back of my head. Something she knew ALL too well got me riled up. I shivered and she laughed. Her smug smile sent 'funny feelings' through my WHOLE body.
She noticed, and then grabbed my arms, forcing me into a locked position. Max's hair fell in front of her eyes and she had to let go of my iron vice to fix it. At that time I attempted to get free, but was unsuccessful in this. I wiggled and she leaned down, kissing my neck. She began nibbling my ear. God that felt good. As she continued what she was doing, I tried to form a coherent thought. Although, at that point, even if one of those sadistic scientists came up to me and tried to kill us, I would have been like'hkenjnkcdlsnvkjjvfdjkfd?'
"So, I'm assuming by your idiotic stupor, you're enjoying this?" she smiled
Finally, max's mouth met mine, and we went at it for what felt like hours. Then I was rudely interrupted by a quiet knock on the door quickly followed by Max yanking us apart, but not in time to save our dignity when we realized the door wasn't locked. There stood Iggy, Ella, Nudge, Angel, Gazzy, Jeb and Ms. Martinez. If it was possible to die of embarrassment, we both be pushing up daisies in the local cemetery.
Iggy was oblivious to the evident awkward feeling in the room and he asked," What are they doing?" Ella grabbed his hand and patted it, then whispered something in his ear; both Ella and Nudge followed Iggy back to the dining room in complete and utter dislike of each other.
Gazzy, and Angel stood tilting their heads like a couple of confused puppies- which in retrospect they really were- only they were bird kids, not puppies. "Max?" Angel chimed in, breaking the silence. Max froze above me. "If you had ten more minutes to do what?" She was so innocent.
"Um, uh…" She was statuesque and mortified.
Gazzy piped in after being quiet ever since the bathroom incident, "IT ONLY TAKES YOU GUYS TEN MINUTES?" He stared at us, then turned his attention to Iggy. " Iggy said it takes him at least a half an hour."
Fang answered proudly "Oh trust me, it takes us WAY more than half an hour."
Everyone's eyes widened.
Fang continued "I mean, it would take us way more than half an hour, if we were to, ya know, engage in that kind of, um stuff."
Angel asked "What are you guys talking about? Is it about those noises always coming from Max or Fang's rooms?"
"Oh god, this isn't good" murmured Max to Fang.
Me and Max composed ourselves enough to de-red our faces and walk back to the table where conversation had begun to show again. It was beyond quiet; when we walked in everyone was dead silent...
Jeb hadn't spoken since the bathroom incident, and finally decided to say," So…how's about some pie?"