-13. All The King's Horses & All The King's Men

The conclusion to Troubled Sammy

September 28th 2006

The last forty-eight hours had been more than trying times for the Winchester family, Dean clung to life, Sam clung to hope, and John clung to his boys… each one of them lost in their own world of agony and confusion as the hours passed by offering no signs of relief any time soon.

Instead something happened that would change all of their lives, something that would shatter the foundation of their small dysfunctional family forever leaving it in un-repairable shambles…

Sam and Dean stood outside the door leading into their father's hospital room, neither one of them able to comprehend what had happened… what was currently happening, both of them frozen in a state of panic and fear…

"Time of Death 10..."

Sam's world immediately began spinning the doctor's voice from feet away fading into this air as he gripped instinctively on to the arm of the man beside him.

This wasn't happening….

No…

This wasn't happening he wouldn't accept this…

This was unacceptable…

"No… mmm mmm… NO!" He shook his head back and forth almost mechanically feeling vomit threatening to invade his mouth….

One of the last conversations he had with his father suddenly playing in fast forward through his quickly deteriorating mind…

Fast forwarding until…

"go to hell…" He heard himself say it over and over again.

He couldn't leave it like that, he had to apologize…

He didn't mean it, he needed to fix this…

This wasn't happening….

He wouldn't let it….

"NO!"

Not knowing what else to do his own pain blindingly agonizing Dean had no choice but to set his own emotions aside as he heard his brother's quivering voice from beside him, placing his free hand over his brother's trembling fingers. "Sammy…" He swallowed hard cursing himself for how afraid he sounded.

Pity. So much pity filled the eyes of the man wearing the green hospital scrubs as he turned from the body and looked at the two now orphaned boys waiting in the hallway, he headed toward them clearing his throat slightly…

No, no… not the body… His father….

His father's body….

"Don't…. don't come over here… Turn back around… Please… . No, no…. No, fix my dad, turn around and fix him…."

"Shhhh…" Dean drew his lip into his mouth giving the hand under his a soft squeeze, unsure whether he was trying to feed strength into Sammy or find some for himself as he did so.

"I'm sorry boys…" The older man's voice was thick with sympathy, "We did everything that we could, but we couldn't stop the bleeding and he bled…"

Sam wasn't listening.

Sam couldn't listen…

Instead he found his eyes glued over the man's shoulder to the three nurses now stitching up his father's chest, cleaning his wounds…

Not his father….

Not his father anymore….

His father's body….

This didn't make sense, none of this made sense, his thoughts were screaming at him again, this couldn't be happening, not his father, no… How could this be happening…. They needed to fix him, he needed him, he needed his father… John and Dean were everything he had left… his entire world… How could he just die? How could this be happening….

No… No this wasn't happening, it was a trick, it was all just a trick….

"Sam…." Dean hushed him softly as he heard the all to familiar clicking sound interrupting the pity filled words the doctor was slinging their way, "Sammy… Shhhh…"

Sam didn't hear Dean though.

Didn't hear anything.

He was watching.

Watching as they continued to sew his dad's body up…

Sew him like a shirt that needed hemming.

Sew him as though they had repaired him.

But they hadn't…

Hadn't repaired him… But still they sewed.

They were quick too, the whole must no have been to big…

How could the doctor's not fix up a small hole? How come they could fix everyone else and not his dad, he wasn't done with him yet, he needed to tell him, needed to fix things…

So much to say…

To apologize for…

He needed him, he needed him back now….

The doctor shouldn't be here, be talking to them, he should be in there, be in there fixing his dad making him alright again.

Giving Sam the second chance he didn't know he was ever going to need…

The second chance he needed now.

Making him right so Sam can fix things.

Be a good son.

Fix things and say he was sorry…

He was sorry, he was so sorry, and he needed to tell him, needed to say it…

This doctor should be in there, be in there and …., not standing so close that Sam can smell his nauseating antiseptic covered hospital clothing, so close that Sam can hear every time he in hales to deep, and not so close that Sam can feel each breath he let out… So close…. To close… Sam couldn't breathe…. So close.

Something was sitting on his chest… Something was stealing the air from his lungs….

This doctor really needed to back up now….

Back up all the way in there, all the way in there to fix his dad.

Why didn't he understand that?

"To close…. To close Dean…He's to close…Can't breathe… he's to close"

The older man whose name tag only now Dean was noticing read Dr. Peter Johnson stopped mid-sentence and looked at the obviously younger of the two brothers his brow raising slightly. "I'm sorry?" He whispered taking a single step backward as his eyes traveled from Sam to Dean question in his gaze.

"Shhh, see… He stepped back okay? You have plenty of room to breathe now, can you do that? Can you keep breathing keep yourself together for me?"

"Still can't… still can't breathe… Make him go… go in there…" He shook his head lightly still staring blankly over Dr. Johnson's shoulder.

"Yes you can… And you know that you can …"

"Is he alright?"

"He's just-" Dean didn't have time to finish his sentence as he caught sight of Sam out of the corner of his eye and the words died off on his lips.

The scared man's eye's widened and he shook his head faster as he watched one of the three women grab hold of the sheet and begin moving it toward his father's head.

She was covering him…

She couldn't do that… she wasn't allowed to…

He wasn't done with him…

His dad couldn't breathe like that.

He wasn't dead.

He couldn't be…

It just…

No..

"no…. no…. NO!" His tongue only seizing to click long enough to speak those three small words, small pleas Sam lunged forward and snarled when he realized he was once again being held back.

Just like with Jess…

He needed to get in there… he needed to save his dad… He had to…

"SAM!" His brother's voice still shook with emotion even though it was strong and dominate.

Sam didn't care, he needed to get in there, needed to find a way to fix this… to make it right…

To control it.

Taking advantage of Dean's still recovering injuries the younger yet for the moment stronger of the two pushed himself away causing his brother to stumble backward into a near by wall a look of shock and surprise crossing his features as he did so, smacking against it with a resounding thud.

Sam was free…

He needed to get in there. Needed to save his father.

Why didn't Dean understand?

"NO!….NO!!! DON'T! GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!! GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!!! PLEASE GET AWAY!!!!!!"

His breaths were short and panicked, painful as he approached the gurney housing his father and shoved the nurses out of the way with his body before ripping the sheet off unprepared…

Unbelieving…

As his eyes came in contact with his father's still and motionless form.

John's eyelids were closed but still Sam swore he could see what was beyond them… Eye's like his own, almost identical…

His father's eyes…

Lifeless Eyes….

He was dead.

Dead. And there was nothing Sam could do to fix it…

No way to save him.

Like the thinnest glass being thrown from the tallest building Sam felt his insides shatter, pieces, fragments, his thoughts tore themselves apart and the spinning of the world around him quickened. This was not happening. He didn't say it could.

He- He-

"NO! NO! NO!! NO!!!!"

"MMMMM MMMMMM!" He shook his head heavily and swallowed repeatedly, the clicking of his tongue growing louder and louder as he brought his hands to his hair.

"NO! FIX HIM…. HAVE TO FIX HIM SOMEBODY PLEASE?" He stood over the still body and begged pleaded, not knowing what else to do.

He had to find a way to fix this… To make it right…

But there was no way…

Nothing he could do.

No.. no that wasn't possible…. There had to be a way, there was always a way

"… DAD COME ON! I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT…. I-I DIDN'T…. DAD…SOMEBODY PLEASE!!!!!!" He felt his outsides crumbling just as his insides had done and quickly descended toward the tiles of the small hospital room. Tiles he had been counting… Tiles cold and lifeless like his father.

Like his soul.

Sharing a concerned look, both men moved hurriedly into the room, the one wearing the white coat quickly ushering for the nurses to move aside.

Dean collapsed down behind the now hunched over figure that was now all that remained of his family and wrapped his arms around him, strong… comforting… protective arms

"LET GO!!!!!! FIX HIM!!!! LET GO LETGO! LETGO!!!!!"

Dean inhaled sharply ignoring the heart wrenching cries as he shook his head and somehow found words of encouragement inside himself to whisper. "You're gonna be okay… We'll get through this…You're gonna be okay….C'mon Sammy…" Nothing else mattered, only the trembling form he was currently fighting to keep held against his own "Sam… Sam listen to me alright?"

"NO! NO!… NO! NO! NN!…NO! NO! "

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

"Is there something that we can do?" Dr. Johnson asked already putting the pieces together by the actions of the young man in front of him, the way he rocked in the same pattern identical to the one he was clicking out against the roof of his mouth, the way he begged for reassurance, fought for control… And shook with anguish.

"He..He…" Dean struggled to think, to pull his own thoughts together as his mind was invaded by the over whelming clicking noise that seemed to be once again growing louder and louder in volume. "He needs something… anything to calm him down, his medicine was in the trunk…. "

"Sammy come on man breathe… I need you to relax for me alright?"

Sam heard his brother, and he tried… he was really trying….

But this couldn't be happening, this wasn't happening….

Not dad, please not dad.

Not his dad.

So much left to say…

"What can we give him?"

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

"SOMETHING!" Dean felt his own demeanor slipping and quickly attempted to put his raw and frazzled emotions back in check, "Just give him something, anything…"

"Is he allergic to anything…"

Dean shook his head, "I-I don't… I don't know…."

"Valium." The doctor cleared his throat a little "Can we give him valium?"

"Yeah…. Yeah. He can have that." The older of the two men on the floor nodded watching as the doctor turned to retrieve a syringe from one of the many cabinets before slipping on a pair of gloves.

Sam fought in vain to free himself from the arms binding him. He couldn't stop looking, he couldn't stop looking even though he refused to believe what he was seeing.

"BRING HIM BACK… YOU WANNA DO SOMETHING BRING HIM BACK!… please…. Please…. Please… MMMM MMMM… no… not dead… bring him back now!"

"Sam." Dean brought his chin to rest on his brother's shoulder slowly trying to steady his body and stop his head from shaking back and forth, refusing to let go of the grip he had on him. "He's gone… He's gone… And He… I need you to be strong right now, put your thoughts together, pull yourself together, and be strong…."

"Please…. Please Dean…. Please bring him back…. I-I didn't mean it…. I-I didn't mean it….."

Spinning….

Destroyed.

Out of control…..

Helpless…

This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening.

NO!

Dean didn't have an answer.

Dean said nothing. There was nothing he could say, he knew that Sam didn't mean it, didn't mean to beg him to fix things, to make things right… but that didn't make his desperate cries any easier to handle.

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

The figure in his grasp began rocking and Dean did all he could think to do, he held tighter to him, gripped on to him as what seemed like an eternity later the Doctor kneeled down and placed the small needle into his brothers arm injecting a clear liquid into his veins.

-

Bobby stood in the doorway of room 343 and his heart broke at the sight laid out before him like a scene from some horrible B rated drama flick. Sam was out cold on the small cramped hospital bed Dean slouched over in the chair beside him eyes at half mass fighting against fatigue to stay open and coherent. And obviously losing the battle.

"Hey kid." He whispered making his way in and crouching down next to the eldest of the two remaining Winchester's chair placing a hand on his forearm.

Dean forced his eyes open and sighed immediate relief washing over him as his tired hazel orbs were met with the kind gaze of his father's longest and most loyal friend… "Hey Bobby…"

"He's still out?"

"Has been for what's going on four hours now."

"Well… I hate to you know throw another needle in ya here, but they've caught wind of you boys around here…. We need to get the two of you out of here and fast…."

His hunter instincts kicking in Dean was to his feet and at his brother's side within seconds shaking the still slumbering man's shoulder hard, "Could anything else go wrong tonight?" He asked more to himself than anyone else as he found his own insides screaming with anger and frustration.

-

Sam didn't remember being drug out of the hospital his arms limply hung over the shoulders of the only two remaining people he had left in this world. He didn't remember the long truck ride home, or being carried into the house and set on to the sofa.

None of it.

As he opened his eyes the next morning, it took him nearly two full minutes to register where he even was as he looked around the old dilapidated house, stacks of books, a beat up old arm chair and a single window on the far side of the room, he knew it was Bobby's place.

His father's best friend.

Bobby Singer.

Rubbing his face with his hands he sat up slowly, and it was as though that single motion caused a wave of dizzying memories to come rushing back to him…

"Time of Death…"

"NO DAD PLEASE!!! NO FIX HIM!!!!"

"You're gonna be okay Sammy… You're gonna be okay"

"Time of death…"

He blinked rapidly trying to clear the vivid images from his still clouded mind as he exhaled sharply before drawing in another breath, holding it in as long as he could and then releasing it again.

He was okay.

He was okay, and he was going to remain that way. Remain in control.

He was going to be okay.

Nodding to himself, the delicate man rose to his feet. He was going to do this, going to make himself okay, for Dean… for his father… for all of them. He knew how much his 'sickness' had disturbed his father, had worried him, and he was going to remain in control this time.

No doubt about it.

No matter what it took.

Making his way toward the small kitchen he wasn't the least bit surprised when two sets of cautious and worried eyes were cast his way.

"How you feelin' ?" Bobby asked clearing his throat. He had not seen the previous days episode but had managed to get every detail from a worried and exhausted Dean after they had arrived home.

"I'm fine…"

The older man nodded scratching his mustache, inwardly taking evaluation of the man in front of him to see if he were speaking the truth or just some cockamamie story he was hoping everyone including himself would come to believe.

"Good… That's good…" Dean poured a cup of black coffee and made his way toward the table putting it down in front of his younger sibling, "I'm making eggs…"

"You're cooking?" Sam couldn't keep the surprise from his voice or the shock from his expression as he asked.

"Yes smart ass, I'm cooking… And you're going to eat it…"

"I'm a big boy now you know, I can decide for myself if I'm going to eat or not…"

"Yeah, well… call me a fool but I'm not to sure on your judgment these days."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

Silence fell over the room after that, no one knew what to say… They had plenty to talk about, plenty that NEEDED to be discussed, but now was not the time…. So Silence was the reward… or in Sam's case the punishment.

Silence meant thinking.

Thinking meant remembering.

He didn't want to remember…

Remember the words he had said so cold to his father…

"Go to hell…" So accusing, so deliberate… so hateful

His fathers body so still…

So cold…

So…. Dead.

Dead and gone.

Taken.

Like everything else in his life .

Taken without mercy.

Stolen.

Dad's gone…

Dad's dead.

He's gone and he's not coming back… He's gone and Sam's never going to have a chance to say how sorry he was….

Never going to get the chance to be the son John wanted… Needed him to be…

Gone…

Dean's brow cocked, as he turned off the fire on the stove and headed in his brother's direction standing directly in front of him he watched as Sam's fingers began to beat the three. Two Three. pattern on the kitchen table in front of him keeping perfect time with his once again clicking tongue.

"Sammy?"

"What?" Sam's tongue stopped without hesitation the minute Dean's voice rang through his ears.

The older brother eyed the fingers still tapping on the tables top as he slid the plate down in front of Sam, "Sammy… Are you sure you're alright?" He questioned at first making no attempt to reach for the bouncing fingers.

Bobby watched closely examining the way Dean seemed to handle his baby brother with ease, in a manner Bobby knew had to somehow come naturally to the born hunter, it wasn't something learned, something taught to him, something practice, this was something he did on his own something he just knew… something as natural as the bond between the two young man.

"Mhmmm… I'm fine…."

It was at this time that Dean crouched down a little and placed his hand over the fingers still beating rhythmically on the wooden table. "C'mon Sam… Don't give me that shit."

"I-I'll be fine… it was just…. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

Like hell he didn't…. Didn't have anything to be sorry for…

He had so much, so much to be sorry for.

This was all his fault, his doing…

He did this…

He had to be sorry for that….

"Go to hell…."

Sam's brow's came together in the middle as he drew his lip into his mouth his eyes immediately glazing over slightly with anger and frustration.

How could he say something like that so openly, without even thinking about it, how could he wish that upon anyone, especially his own father….

How could he be so stupid?

So heartless…

"Hey…" Dean exhaled bringing his free hand up and resting it on the back of his brothers neck and squeezing it a few times comfortingly as he felt the fingers beneath his tensing up. "Take a deep breath…."

"Fine…. I'm fine…. Gonna stay in control this time…. I can do this… not gonna lose it….. Not gonna go crazy… not this time…. I'm fine… fine and-"

"Easy Sammy shhhh…." Dean's gaze shifted to bobby's, "Can you uh go and get that night bag I had you rescue out of the trunk of the car for me?"

"Oh god Dean… Dean your car…. You're car I wrecked your car….. I-I"

"You didn't wreck my car…. A semi wrecked her, now relax."

"Sorry…. Sorry…. I-I…"

He did this… all of it… he did it….

And now everything was spinning…

Spinning out of control….

And there was nothing he could do to stop it.

No. He was going to stay in control. Going to fight it.

He was not going to lose it. Not this time.

Dean needed him. He could see it.

See it in the eyes now studying him…

Eyes filled with worry.

Eyes filled with pain.

Shower… I'm going to go take a shower… Stay busy…."

"Sam…" There was an amount of uncertainty behind his older brother's voice as Sam rose to his feet and held his hand out to bobby who was just now re-entering carrying the boy's over night bag.

"I'm fine Dean…" He tried as hard as he could to keep his emotions at bay as he spoke, his voice surprisingly to everyone in the room sounding calm and collected.

"Okay…. Well… You just make sure to keep that door unlocked alright? And if you feel yourself starting to slip take a deep breath and call out…. Bobby and I are right in here and we're listening alright?"

"I'm fine."

"So you keep saying…."

"Because it's true." Sam popped two pills into his mouth before heading off into the bathroom.

Stay busy…

Just stay busy and don't think…

Don't think about Dad….

Don't think about what you've done….

Don't think about anything…

Nothing.

Stay busy….

Stay busy,… Stay sane….

Closing the bathroom door and against his brother's request turning the lock, Sam exhaled sharply and leaned against it running a hand over his face. He could feel his insides slipping , but he was determined this time was going to be different… different than with Jess, different than before… He was going to be alright, he was going to force himself to be okay… He could fight it, hell… He was a damn demon hunter, he faced things most people could even imagine in their worst nightmare….

So he why the hell couldn't he face himself…

Handle his own emotions…..

Control them like every other normal person on the planet?

Why did he have to be so crazy….

So screwed up in the head….

His father had always kept a watchful eye on him, his condition to delicate to be ignored… His father was always there to protect him, to pull him through… His father and Dean, his brother, his bother who was now all he had left….

His father was gone.

Gone. Dead.

And there was nothing, no way of bringing him back.

He was gone. And it was Sam's fault.

Sam's fault.

All of it.

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

"Go to hell…"

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

His fault…. Sam's fault…. He's done it…..

He's killed his own father…. Whether he had pulled the trigger or not, he'd done it…

He couldn't breathe now….

He needed air…

He turned to leave the bathroom and shook his head to himself, if he went out there now Dean would see, see what he'd let himself become once again, what he allowed to happen… How crazy he really was….

Out of control….

No, he had to stay in here…

Alone…

He deserved to be alone…

To suffer…

Shower…

He could shower, could get clean, could wash it all away…

Everything…. All the dirt on his flesh, his father's blood on his hands, the dirt in his soul… Disgusting, he was disgusting and this was all his fault…. He deserved to suffer… To burn… To bleed….

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

Without even bothering to remove his clothes the nearly incoherent man, lost in his own thoughts, own emotions, his own self torture, climbed into the shower and turned it on as hot as it would go….

At first it was cold….

So cold it stung like needles against his flesh, as he curled his knees against his chest withering down into the far corner of the tub.

Then Warmer…. Warmer…..

Until it burned….

Burned like he deserved to….

Burned like fire….

Fires of hell….

This was his fault, all his fault,

And he was dirty so damn dirty, he needed to scold, burn until he was clean again.

He'd done all of this…

He couldn't stop it….

Couldn't control it…

And now his father was gone, everyone he loved was leaving him…. Soon Dean would be gone too….

He deserved to be alone….

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

His head shook back and forth forcefully as he swallowed repeatedly his cheeks bright red not only from the heat of the water pounding down so mercilessly, but from the tears now flowing freely down his face, he was confused so confused, he just wanted it all to stop… He needed it all to stop….

He'd done this and he couldn't face it.

He wanted to turn the water off…

But he couldn't….

Dirty so dirty…

HE was dirty…

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

Bringing his hands to his head he ran his fingers through his hair, he wished his father was here, he wished he was here to help…. Here to listen to his apologies….

"Out…. Out Out…." He mumbled as he began to slam his head back into the white tiles of the bathroom, light at first then harder and faster….

What had he done…

What had he allowed to happen?

Why couldn't he control it….

"I didn't mean it…. I didn't mean it…. I'm sorry…."

Guilty, he felt so damn guilty he couldn't bare it anymore.

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

-

Dean took another sip from his coffee, his tired and weary eyes looking across the table at the older hunter in front of him, "I just… I don't know how to help him, not this time."

"You just need to let him fight through this one on his own kid, all you can do is be there for him."

"It's not that easy with Sammy, he's not capable of coping with his own emotions, he can't handle stress…"

Bobby ran a hand over his face and sighed a little, "Then you boys will stay here with me for as long as it takes for him to be alright again…"

"Bobby we couldn't do that to you."

"Bull…. You boys are the closest thing to family I got and you're hurting…" His eyes narrowed a little, "Both of you are hurting. You're going to stay here until I say you can leave."

"Thanks…" Dean whispered recognizing the look of finalization written across his 'uncles' features and finding himself to smart and to exhausted to argue.

"Anytime now would you pl-" Bobby silenced himself hearing something of a pounding noise coming from the other room, before another word of question could cross his lips through he watched Dean spring up from his seat and head toward the bathroom, figuring the best thing to do would be follow he rose to his feet.

Dean frowned heavily standing in front of the off white small door that lead to the bathroom and listening for only a second before knocking. "Sammy you ok in there little brother?"

There was no answer.

"Sam?" He tried again knocking harder and this time trying to jiggle the knob his eyes looking to bobby… "He locked it." he spat out softly.

"Well then." Bobby shrugged a little pushing the eldest of the Winchester boy's out of the way before taking a step back, "I guess we knock it down." He concluded before using his foot to kick the door in.

There sat Sam, huddled in the corner of the small tub the water still pounding down on him, the shower curtain wide open, the entire bathroom covered in a thick dense steam from the scolding hot water. His head was pounding back against the wall, each blow harder than the last as he kept clicking his tongue over and over again.

In an unlike Dean moment, the older brother froze, his heart stopped beating, his breath hitched in his throat, his eyes glued on the broken… destroyed figure crumpled against the porcelain tub. All he had left was Sam, all he had left was his little brother, and his little brother was broken once again….

Taking notice of Dean's sudden freeze up Bobby sprung forward quickly and shut off the water with one hand pulling Sam away from the wall with the other. "Sam?" He questioned his voice harsh yet concerned.

"My fault… it's all my fault… all of it…." Sam whispered as Bobby took the young boy's face in his hands examining him carefully.

"Come on now no it's not….." He answered in an attempt to sooth.

"It is… I let him die, let him die like Jess, let him die….. Let him die like a lot of people… so many people…. I-I couldn't save, couldn't save them… couldn't Save my father…."

"C'mon kid that's ridiculous…"

Blinking himself back to reality Dean swallowed down the bile in his throat and kneeled down next to the tub side resting a hand on his trembling siblings back "Yeah Sammy, what-what does Dad say, We can't save everyone?"

"I-?I should have been a better son… shouldn't have said it…. I didn't mean it…. I didn't mean it and I'm sorry…" The broken man's eyes traveled from his brother to his uncle and back again over and over…. "I-I shouldn't have said it…. I didn't mean it…."

"What are you talking about Sam? What did you say?" Dean asked quietly beginning to rub circles on the back beneath his hand.

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

"Sam… tell us what you said, tell s what you're talking about…" Bobby urged quietly.

"Dishes, there are so many dishes that need to be done…. I can do them alright? I'll get right on those, I need to stay busy, need to say busy and not think, not think about it, not think about any of it… of what I've done I'll-" He fought to rise from the tubs bottom to his feet only to find both Dean and Bobby restricting his movements.

"Tell me Sam." Dean whispered.

"NO! NO! NO!"

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

"Sam."

Sam's head snapped up and he looked at his brother his chin trembling as he felt sickness in his throat literally gagging him.

"Go to hell!"

"GO TO HELL!!! I SAID,….. GO TO HELL!!!! GO TO HELL GO TO HELL GO TO HELL!!!! I SAID!" his breathing became shallower with each word as he shook his head lowering it into his hands. "I told him… I told him and…. And and…."

Dean's frown increased now as on instinct he climbed into the tub and wrapped his arms around his brother as tightly as he could. "Sam- Sam… Shhhhh, you didn't do this alright? You didn't do this….. C'mon man, I need you… I need you to be strong…. Come on."

"I did…. I did do this…. I did Dean…. I did…."

"No… no…. You didn't…."

"Make It right…. Can't make it right… can't….." Sam's red and puffy eyes came up to lock with the only person he had left in his life his chin continuing to tremble, his heart pounding hard in his chest as he fought to catch his breath….

"You're okay…. You're gonna be okay…."

"My brother…. You're my brother…. All I have…. All I have, don't… don't leave me…. Please don't…. don't leave me… don't leave me alone….. Don't leave me alone…. Just don't… don't…."

Click Click Click

"Click Click

Click Click Click

"Hey… Hey…." Dean whispered sighing softly, "I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here with you and I'm not going anywhere I promise you that alright? It's my job to protect you…. To watch out for you…."

"mmmm hmmmm…. Okay,… okay …." Sam lowered his head back into his hands and let out a deep breath, he wanted to believe Dean, he wanted to believe him so bad it hurt….

But his dad had promised him that so many times before…

His dad and Jess both had said that

And now they were gone…

Dean. His brother was all he had left…

And he knew one day he would lose him too…

Returning his hand to his brother's back Dean sighed softly hearing Sam's breath hitch in his throat and thinking silently to himself as he shared a look of concern with Bobby…. Thinking about Sam, thinking about everything…. This wasn't something he could fix, this wasn't a pain he could repair, this was something Sam was going to have to do on his own… something Dean had no control over….

And he was reminded of that old nursery rhyme, one of his favorites as a child that his mother use to read to him….

All the kings horses… and all the kings men, couldn't put Sammy together again…

There were just something's that were non-repairable, some pains that ran so deep they couldn't be mended.

This, Dean knew was one of those pains.

-

There really was no suitable ending for a story like this, So I hope I didn't disappoint anyone with the way I chose to close the last chapter, having just recently lost my own Dad I wanted to convey a lot of my own emotions, but at the same time I couldn't dig to deep…. If that makes any sense, anyway I hope you enjoyed it and as always review and let me know what you thought. I live for reviews and opinions, I want it all the good the bad and the ugly.