I own nothing.

Okay so this came to mind…no real reason for it. When I saw the first part of the preview for the finale I just thought of this. Let me know what you think.

"I'm gunna love you forever Lucas Scott"

Not exactly something I would say. At least the old me wouldn't have said it. Well, technically it was the old, old me. Yeah, that's about right; the two me's ago. I know this sounds completely insane but hopefully it won't after I explain.

You see, that was the me pre-Lucas Scott. Before that boy entered my life I was broody, bitchy, blonde, Peyton Sawyer. Closed off to the world. In an essentially dead end relationship. Afraid to let anyone else really get inside my head. Inside my heart. The only person who really was inside was my best friend Brooke, but we'll talk about her later. Back to Lucas…that blue eyed, blonde haired boy did something that not even my best friend could do, he broke down my walls. He could glance in my direction and read me. Know all my little secrets. My worries and fears. He would know that the me everyone saw, wasn't the real me. That brings us to Peyton Sawyer the second.

The me during Lucas Scott was a completely different person. And I'm not counting the whole triangle me because a) that wasn't my best moment b) it's something that I still don't really discuss and c) we weren't technically together. That me cost me a friendship. The girl who spoke those words was an eighteen year old blissful Peyton Sawyer. When we got together near the end of our senior year that was by far the most open me I've ever been. I told him I loved him, often. And he said it back. I was happy. Truthfully happy for what seemed like the first time since my mom was alive. It was amazing and I cherished every moment. But like the old saying goes…all good things must come to an end.

That brings us full circle to the current me. The twenty five year old. The Peyton Sawyer after Lucas Scott. We dated for about three years. All the way through to the middle of our junior year in college. We were in two different states. Thousands of miles apart. He was in Tree Hill and I was in L.A. Long distance was always something I was skeptical about. I didn't think that two people could last as a couple if they didn't see each other all the time. If they couldn't walk down the block and tell the person they loved them. They couldn't kiss them. Or hold their hand. But he made me do and feel things that I never would have thought of, hence the long distance.

I'm not too sure what our downfall was. Things were hectic for both of us. We ended up yelling at each other more then we would actually talk. Visits had stopped all together and 'I love you's' were further and further apart. Eventually, we broke up. I can honestly say it was one of the top five hardest things I've ever had to do.

A week after that, I got a call from Jive Records in New York. I had applied there for an internship a few months back. Lucas and I were going to spend the summer before our senior year in New York. He had an internship with the New York Times. It had been my dream ever since I filled out the application. I was also hesitant; Lucas was supposed to be in New York that summer too. I knew that the city was a huge place and I didn't even know if he had gotten his internship but I did know that fate always had a way of intervening.

After another week and some serious convincing from my roommate I called Jive and told them I would take it. I also decided that I was going to move to New York. I needed a change. My roommate of course was less then thrilled. We had been each other's rock for a long time and now we were actually going to be without the other. I remember leaving. That was like the fourth hardest I've ever cried.

As summer approached I was more then ready for my new life. I had been in New York for a month already and loved it. I was having my credits transferred to NYU so I would be able to complete my senior year. Jive Records was really helping me learn the industry. I met great people and had great experiences. My old roommate and I talked often and I called Nathan and Haley whenever I could. The only person I had lost touch with was Lucas. And I wasn't on purpose, I brought his number out to New York but by the time I worked up the nerve to call him the number was disconnected. I figured he was somewhere in New York.

That was disproved a few days after I tried to call him. My roommate called and told me to sit down; she had something to tell me. I braced myself and took a deep breath. Then she spit it all out. She and Lucas were dating. They had been since I left for New York. He apparently came to visit me with yellow roses and all. She answered the door with tears streaming down her face because her boyfriend had broken up with her, which I knew. She assured me that they never intended for it to happen. She was lonely from her sudden split and he was lonely from our breakup. She also enlightened me with the fact that they were living together. It all hit me like a ton of bricks. After being broken up for a month. Four weeks, he had moved on. I literally thought someone had it me with a baseball bat. The line was silent for a while and then I told her that it was okay. If they were happy I was happy. I had reverted to Peyton Sawyer the first.

After that we didn't talk as often. My calls were reserved for holidays and birthdays. He never answered the phone. He must have known as well as I did that it would have been too hard. He was with someone who was there for me after our breakup. The nights I tried to silently cry myself to sleep but failed miserably. When I would find a random picture or sketch. She was there. I also shouldn't have been surprised. They had a history. I suppose it was inevitable that he bounced back to her. It was always either she or I.

Nathan and Haley became my rock. They visited that summer with their son James and the surprise that she was pregnant again; six months along. I admired them. They had stayed together through the rough times. Distance had taken its toll on them in junior year when she went on tour but they recovered and look at where they are now. It was also agreed that there would be no talk of the new couple.

I relived all of these thoughts as I drove through my hometown. This was a place that I had left at eighteen and didn't intend on returning to. I had virtually nothing here. My father passed away in my sophomore year of college; of course I had Lucas there with me. It was after classes were over so he spent the entire summer with me in L.A. I was and will be forever grateful to him for it. So, even though I knew this trip would be difficult I knew I had to do it. Whitey was a man who was like a grandfather to me. He gave advice and would tell me stories about my mother Anna. He was the force guiding me through the streets I had grown up on. I thought about stopping to get changed or to even nap but decided against it. A good cup of coffee from Karen's Café sounded like the perfect start. I knew I would face 'the boy' eventually but I hoped that he wouldn't be coming down until tomorrow. That was my whole purpose of driving up a day early.

As I stepped out of my car the cool November breeze made me pull my worn leather jacket tighter around my waist. The sound of the bell chiming caused the café to stop. Apparently everyone from my past had the idea of coming up a day early. I heard my godson Matthew; Haley and Nathan's second son, running towards me. I heard the sound of a plate hitting the floor and someone whisper "Peyton Sawyer". All these things registered in my brain but my eyes stayed focused. The blue eyes that I hadn't seen in four and a half years were staring back at me. As a hand went to lovingly caress his face, the sparkle on it caused me to close my eyes. That's when the realization hit me.

I was going to love Lucas Scott forever.

let me know if I should continue...