Dedications: To Rose, Jen and Sorah. They all know who they are, and why they're so utterly important to me. Thanks for the boost. If this doesn't work, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
A/N: Well, this spawn was caused by a random thought. I've read a lot of "Sasuke/Naruto/Shikamaru gets a genin team under his care" fics, and usually they're funny—I think, I don't usually read them much? XD—but the thing that nagged at me was "what about Sakura?". And what about her, really? How would SHE act as a genin sensei? Well, here's to finding out. (Oh gods, what am I getting into?!) Oh an BTW, this is genfic as far as pairings. For now. For always? Don't know.
Decisions The Hokage Shouldn't Take While Drunk
It was once said that boredom caused even the highest and mightiest of people to fall from their thrones and do something utterly stupid.
Sakura completely agreed with that saying.
She stared into the amused eyes of her Hokage, and her Hokage stared back. The pause was long, the silence was tangible. Sakura's patience was dimming down. "Come again?" she asked, blinking once.
"I said, I've decided to put you in charge of a genin team, Sakura. Are you deaf?" the Hokage answered.
"That is the principle of 'in charge of a genin team', yes."
She managed to both glare slightly at the woman, move her hands in a desperate gesticulation, and sum it all up to one word: "Why?"
Tsunade managed to sum her answer up to two. "Why not?"
Kakashi found her later, in a bar, her head on the table and her hand clutching the glass. His lips twitched under his mask in amusement, and he took the stool next to her.
"Yo," he murmured, good-natured like Kakashi always was. Sort of.
Sakura lifted her head, squinted her eyes at her former—from way, way back—sensei, and grumbled. "I'm going to hell," she saluted.
Kakashi sighed, signalled the bartender for a drink—his usual, though god knew what the hell his usual actually was—and turned towards Sakura. "You know," he started, patting her shoulder, "Becoming a teacher won't get you in hell, Sakura."
"Oh yeah? Was that what you thought when they assigned you a team?" she snapped, looking ready to bite that hand.
He pulled it away, rubbing his neck awkwardly. "No, it was something closer to 'anything but children, even hordes of S-class criminals, please'." His second thought—that came the second day, when he was nursing a hangover, courtesy of Gai and his stupid contests—had been more like 'the guy who invented schools must die'. But she didn't need to know that.
"Yeah, you see?" she pointed, scowling slightly. "I can't train genin, Kakashi-sensei," she complained, slipping into the old suffixes like she would when she was complaining and feeling like a whiny brat—this was one of those moments, probably the moment.
"Why not?" he asked, while doing a complex construction with straws which he used to drink without pulling down his mask.
"Because," she started, "One, I don't think I'm prepared enough myself. I don't have techniques, I suck at taijutsu—mostly, anyhow—and there's no way they'll be ready to learn genjutsu this early. And two, the only other team I ever taught was those medic-nins in Suna, and most of them fainted during my first half an hour."
"Shut up. Not the point! The point is, I have no reference for teaching."
He pretended to look offended at that. She wasn't impressed.
"Please, if I had to act like you, I wouldn't survive the first twenty minutes."
That statement managed to get him looking proud. Sakura shook her head, deciding the old age was getting to him—course she wouldn't exactly tell him that because he'd either spar with her until she nearly died, or get all undignified and broody.
"Tough luck, Sakura."
"That's your significant advice?" she spurted.
"Hey, I'm not your teacher anymore, nothing left for me to teach," he defended himself, smiling slightly. Ruffling her hair—she hated that part—he continued, "Just do what you think you need to do to earn their trust, respect, and maybe a bit of fear."
"Start on the vocabulary."
A loud scuffle was heard in their vicinity, and only the few lucky and observant patrons could witness that night a spectacular sight. Hatake Kakashi with a straw shoved up his nose.
Morning really didn't find Sakura with a hangover.
She was only holding her head above the toilet because she was so utterly in love with it's soft seating. And so on.
Who am I kidding?
She wiped her mouth, washed her face and drank some water to recover all the liquids she'd spill. Well, last night had turned to be interesting. In the end, somehow or the other, all of Kakashi's circle of friends had dragged her for some sort of celebration. She was one of them, after all. A teacher. Said celebration consisted of a karaoke bar, dancing with Gai to disco music, learning how to talk with a senbon in her mouth like Genma did, draw a map of Ibiki's scars—she had called it Treasure Island, after her third shot of tequila—and getting a full-course in 'why children are demon spawn', courtesy of Anko. Sakura had vaguely thought it was some sort of collective prank to the newbie.
But then, of course, came the advice.
Everyone had something to add, something to put in. In the end Sakura got so much advice of how to deal with genin that she decided she couldn't use anything. Because mixing Gai's "YOUTHFUL ZEAL!" with Anko's "talk and die" would always, always be a bad thing.
There was a bang on her door, then three faster, consecutive knocks.
Just what I needed.
Sakura tried to pretend she wasn't in the house. The knocking continued. She got dressed quietly, strapped on all her weapons, scrolls and needed materials. The knocking persisted. She opened a window slowly, and threw one leg over the edge, ready to jump, when—
"You know, Forehead," came a drawl from her bedroom's door. "If you don't want me to visit you, don't give me a copy of the key."
Sakura deflated a little bit, and looked over her shoulder. "Hi, Ino-pig."
"You look like you got drunk with the oldies," the woman said, smirking.
"Who else saw me?"
"Weeeell…by the point where you were dancing on the table? The whole village knew of your…'promotion'. Congratulations, by the way. I brought you congratulatory breakfast."
A bag full of deliciously smelling muffins was shoved under her nose, as Sakura flinched over her former table-dancing. That was one other experience she didn't want to repeat. Ever. Ever.
"So…in charge of brats, eh?" the blonde asked, grinning widely.
"Shut up," Sakura grumbled, stuffing a muffin into her mouth to avoid giving answers.
"You know, I doubt you'll get much respect, if you turn up hungover during your first day. Tsk. Bad example you make, Forehead."
The glare she gave the blonde would have been more efficient if there hadn't been a muffin stuffed in her mouth, making her look something like a chipmunk.
It was about nine in the morning when she finally showed up on her assigned training grounds. Number Seven, what an amusing stab to the heart. Shaking her head, she paused on the branches of a taller tree to think.
Right. I'm hungover and in charge of teaching kids. What to do to earn their respect and fear?
I'll just have to act like a mean teacher. It worked for Kakashi during his first day.
That being decided, she landed somewhere near her students. Up this close, it looked like two girls and one boy. Bad. Very bad. She could almost foresee the future bitchfights over the boy. Oh well.
"My name is Haruno Sakura. Any jokes about that will earn you two laps around the grounds," she started, smiling secretly as her students turned around, surprised. There went her beginning.
Meanwhile, up in the Hokage Tower, Tsunade herself was also nursing a hangover as she called Shizune into her office.
"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" the woman asked.
"Shizune, did I do anything…hazardous to Konoha yesterday?" the woman asked, rubbing her head.
"Err…well, it depends."
"Just tell me what I did. The old frog-pervert insisted we celebrate our long survival, and I haven't been that drunk in quite a while."
"Well…you assigned Sakura a gening team," Shizune started, tentatively. "Is that…hazardous to Konoha?"
"Nah, okay, you can leave," Tsunade said, shooing the woman out of her office.
Minutes later, when the course of her action finally registered in Tsunade's brain, she produced such a loud "I DID WHAT?", that even Ibiki jumped from his seat. And he was two stories below ground.
At least that year would be interesting.