Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

"Something About Naruto"
by Chronos Astral

Prologue

I advise you to read with caution as the following fic may lead to chronic twitching and fidgeting.


Ever had one of those times when misfortune looks you straight in the eye and you ask whatever gods were out there: "What in the hell did I do to deserve this?!"

At the same time, have you ever beheld something so grand that you also say to whatever upper being out there: "I don't know what sickeningly good deed I did to deserve this but it's totally worth it!"

Now the higher ups of the universe aren't all that. They don't always give to those who deserve it, for at times they tend to make irrational decisions of what to do with reality. It's a trend they've followed since time immemorial and it is evident in many aspects of life.

Many examples of this trend stem from the 'fortune' of certain people. Like how seemingly average men have a harem of beautiful women, some not even human! The same may also apply for women who are surrounded by ridiculously handsome men. And even men swooned over by even more men... but let's not elaborate on that.

Now you would ask; "Why?, Why would they do this?" or more often than not; "Why couldn't it be me?" or at times, for those said 'fortunate few'; "Why me!?". Well, for the most part, the greater entities tend to have certain bouts of... inebriation.

Yes, that's right. They get drunk. With damn fine alcohol to boot. And when they're feeling a little tipsy they acquire a sense of generosity for the little people they watch over from above. Of course it would help much more if they weren't drunk but who could complain?

"Heeey guuuyyssszz..." One of the gods/avatars/entities of a certain universe called out to his fellow ethereal beings of spiritual omnipresence with a noticeable slur. "Seee that guuuy down therre?" He/She/It pointed to so some random mortal. "I'm gonna give him my blessssin'."

"Daamn... Remeember last time yoouu did that?" One of his friends snickered drunkenly.

"Feh... Damn ungrateful bastard... Harem of women by his side and heee curses his fate." He/She/It took another swig of the sweet burning liquid in his hands.

"Weren't they aliens though?" asked another of his/her/its intoxicated friends.

"Damn fine aliens!"

"Can't argue with that."

"But what about that inn manager guy, or the ten-year old teacher?"

"Don't forget that messed up kid that turns into a girl in cold water!"

"Or that guy in the parallel universe."

He/She/It ignored them all. "Where wuz I? Oh yeah!" The entity rolled up his incorporeal sleeves, and began bending reality to his very will with a slurred and alcohol-induced chant. "Using my totally awesome kickass powers of omnipotent manipulation, I bless this mortal with my most powerful blesssing ever!"

Tendrils of heavenly light twirled, coiled, and warped surreally before settling down onto the world. The being smiled at his work and took downed another cup.

"...Waaaaiiiiit... Was he a boy or a girl?" He/She/It asked the others who only shrugged. "Meh... I'll just have to make ssssure then..." And again he geared up for another magnificent display of his almighty power. It was best to cover all bases. Who knows? Maybe the mortal was bisexual.


Naruto couldn't, for the life of him, figure out how he had garnered so much attention from the entire village. The day was just like any other day, waking up to a brisk clear morning, and ready to start the day with a happy-go-lucky grin. Then upon walking outside from his battered apartment building, already he had noticed something out of place.

The people around him were staring at him. Not with the hate-filled glares that he was used to, but they had a mixture of awe and... something else in them. He brushed it off for the moment and continued along his merry way, oblivious to the group of people stalking him from a distance.

"I think I'll go visit Ichiraku's today!" The blond said to himself in a boisterous voice. Upon doing so, he saw a hoard of villagers that were within earshot of him start sprinting their way towards the boy's favorite ramen stand.

Upon arriving to his beloved stand, his eyes spotted a crowd of villagers were fighting among the stools, each trying desperately to get a seat. Being the perceptive boy that he is, Naruto came up with brilliant reasoning as to why. "Ichiraku ramen must be having a special! Damn there are no more seats!"

When the crowd caught ear of his words, they immediately separated to reveal the stool in the middle, which looked to have been recently shined. In his naivete, Naruto could only mouth "Cool..." before sitting himself in his new favorite seat. The crowd then resumed their brawl, intent on claiming the coveted seats next to him.

Naruto paid them no mind, intent on filling his belly with his favorite dish of noodles and broth. "Oi, Jiji! Ten bowls of miso!"

In an instant, the table before him was set with not ten, but twenty bowls of piping-hot miso ramen cooked to perfection. Ichiraku Teuchi grinned from his side of the counter. "A special for our number one customer! My treat!"

"Really!!?" Naruto asked incredulously with teary eyes and mouth pooling with drool. "You're the best, Jiji!!!!" He

Teuchi scratched the back of his head sheepishly and looked away, unaware of the glares sent his way by many who witnessed the sight, even his own daughter, Ayame.

"I helped too, Naruto-kun!" She smiled sweetly, while simultaneously grinding her father's foot with her own.

"Thanks Ayame-chan!" He said merrily between slurps. He didn't spot the great blush tingeing the girl's cheeks.

She began fidgeting her hands nervously, a similar act in comparison to a certain Hyuuga's. "W-would you like me t-to... c-cook for you like this... f-forever?" She asked the boy, barely suppressing a squeak.

Not able to decipher the suggested meaning in her words, Naruto whooped in excitement. "Hell yeah!" Everyone gasped, and Ayame cheered. "But then it would be a little mean to have you cook all the time. Ayame-chan needs to do other more fun things too! I can't have you all for myself!" He added.

The villagers and Teuchi sighed in relief, though touched with the boy's thoughtfulness, more so with Ayame, who had fainted on the spot at his 'sweet words'.

Though Naruto was quite perturbed by these strange few events, he was too content to give it much thought. Maybe they were beginning to recognize him already? Yeah, that must be it...


Crack fic? Most probably.

If you didn't know, the examples the entities were stating were references to the animes/mangas of Tenchi, Love Hina, Negima, Ranma 1/2, and El Hazard respectively.

Will continue soon enough.

Reviews please.