Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto - Masashi Kishimoto does...

Warnings: Yaoi (it's all I ever write), lemon, cussing... der...


Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

IruSasu Yaoi


Ichigo Kurosawa


Cold and dark.

They were both suffocating him as he faked an apathetic, normal mood. No one had yet to figure out that the brooding young male was far worse then they had all imagined.


Flashes of him as a child.

These were slowly getting to him and his mental state was starting to collapse into a full-blown depression.

He often swore he heard voice, telling him he was pathetic. He let his whole clan die and couldn't do anything at all to help. Pathetic because he still loved his brother - not that man now. Now, he was just some ruthless murderer who considers him less then filth.


New and old scars.

He knew he shouldn't do such things to his own body, but it made all other pain go away. He loved to stare, transfixed, at his own blood as it crept down his arm and onto the floor. Strangely inticing. Drawing him in further so maybe he would go the length. What would it matter? No one was left for him.


Crying behind closed doors.

His weakness - his vulnerability. He was always weakest at night when he was crying himself to sleep, or crying in the shower as he watched the inticing blood mix with scalding hot water. He knew something was literally fucked up about him, but he never tried to solve the problem.


Crying to be loved.

He believed that to be all he needed to bring his life to a status that meant he could keep it happily.

But right now, that blade across the room was so alluring, so tempting. He couldn't resist the urge anymore; life did not matter to him anymore, at all. Naruto, his friend/rival and brother, was always trying to cheer him up. Sakura was too, but she never did as well a job as Naruto because honestly, he just found her more annoying than anything.

The blade, sharp and shining so brillantily in the dim light. It looked so much better as he pressed it to his skin, digging beneathe several layers of flesh and into his veins. He smiled sadly as he pulled it away and immediately went to the next wrist, not even bothering to stop the bleeding of the first wrist - the left one.

He knew the fatal thing he had done - he had gone too far deep into his left wrist, so he left it. He greeted death happily at that point.

The sad smile grew into an insane smirk as he fell back, landing on his back and unable to get up. He was slightly surprised - the effects of bloodloss were getting to him rather quickly.


Ngah. Damn it, someone was ruining his perfect plan. He tried to shout 'Go away!', but both his mouth and voice refused to work. Hurry! Hurry and die already!

"Sasuke-kun, everyone is wondering why you didn't go to training today. I thought I'd come check on you."

Iruka-sensei. Go away, please. I don't want you to seem me in such a horrible state as this. I caved into my emotions and took my own life. I don't want you to be the first to find me, cold and dead.


Iruka had found him, laying on the floor with tears falling from his eyes and blood pouring from his wrist in drastic measures. He wanted to shout for Iruka to leave him alone, go away, and tell no one of this.

But he couldn't even see anymore. He couldn't speak nor taste nor feel, but he could hear. Hear Iruka's frantic cries as he started to talk to Sasuke, telling him to stay awake. Why, Iruka-sensei? I want to sleep, with Mother and Father.

He knew he was being rushed somewhere, he could hear the wind whip by along with Iruka's voice. He sounded so heart broken, by why? No one cared for Sasuke so why should it matter if he killed himself? He stopped thinking about it when he passed out, still smiling sadly as his blood fell onto the streets and rooftops.


Can't you see? You're loved by one person at the very least.

"I just couldn't tell you that. Maybe if I had, you wouldn't be here now."

Iruka looked sadly to the young, black haired ninja that lay in the hospital's white bed, looking so frail and sad. He cringed when he looked to the boy's left wrist, now stitched up and wrapped securely in bandages.


Said man looked up quickly to see Tsunade, standing in the doorway with Shizune, Naruto and Kakkashi. All of them saddened in some way, Naruto the worst besides himself.

"Hokage-same, did you need something?"

He looked back to Sasuke, almost ready to burst into tears seeing that such a strong ninja was broken on the inside.

"When he awakes, I want you to look after him. If he tries again, I'm putting him in the institution."

Iruka blinked and gave her a look that said 'Why me?'

"You are probably going to be the most patient with him. He needs someone who won't try and force him to just 'heal' and move on. He needs someone who'll try and understand him. Someone, which I believe to be you, Iruka."

Iruka looked back to the boy, so pale and cold. "I accept."

"Good. The doctors and myself say he'll awaken in a week, tops."

Iruka nodded and said good bye as each one left. He was going to stay, all day, everyday, until Sasuke woke up.


Awwwww, emo Sasuke is so depressing and it makes me wanna hug him! C'mon, I know y'all agree with me.

Well, R&R pwease! The next chapter should be out soon!