TITLE: Something To Believe
SERIES: Maria-sama Ga Miteru
EMAIL: YAHOO I.D.: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: CONTENT: F/F romance. Yumi/Touko.
SUMMARY: Yumi wants to believe there is someone in the world meant for her and only her. Touko wants to believe for once someone truly loves her and only her.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my long period of on the job training. It's nearly endless folks!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I do love Yumi and Sachiko but as coupley as they are my favorite pairing has to be Yumi and Touko. Why? Well, read the fic and find out the answer because I think my reasons are all in there. The title of this fic, not as creative as it could be, comes from the song Believe by The Bravery. Have a listen!
Believe by The Bravery:
Although she wasn't an only child, Yumi was horrible at sharing. Mind you, it was just the important things that Yumi loathed to share. If you wanted to borrow a shirt, book, or even a little bit of money she was more than happy to accommodate you. But if it was something she truly loved and treasured? Her head would grow hot and her eyes would burn and she would seethe and seethe until what she loved was finally returned to her.
Such a thing had already been witnessed when her oneesama had appeared to be drifting away from her thanks to the attentions of Touko. She knew her behavior was childish and she hated it and herself at the time but all the same Yumi couldn't stop those feelings from rising up in her.
Ridiculous thoughts, honestly. Sachiko was a person, not a possession, and Yumi had no ownership rights over her. Particularly because those rights belonged to Suguru and the Ogasawara family.
Yumi loved Sachiko.
Yumi was in love with Sachiko.
And Yumi knew without the smallest bit of doubt that Sachiko returned those feelings. But it was like Youko had said in her first year when Yumi was watching her oneesama dance with awe and a flutter in her heart, Sachiko had serious eyes. She would do whatever her family asked of her. Even marrying a man who didn't love her and whom she could never really love. She would do it in hopes of pleasing her family, to keep their love.
Sachiko would marry Suguru and Yumi dreaded that day. With graduation approaching for the two Roses that wedding seemed to loom ever closer. She knew her oneesama attending Lillian University was a last minute delay tactic. Sachiko's attempt to give them as much time together as she could before she had to take that final inevitable step towards Suguru and her future with him.
A future without Yumi.
They couldn't play this game that Suguru had invented in his head. Where Sachiko goes out on his arm during the day and comes home to Yumi at night. Living a farce where they said one thing and meant another. It would kill them. They had to live honestly together or not at all.
Once the marriage happened they could be nothing more than friends.
It wasn't fair to her oneesama and Yumi railed against that future time and time again. Wanting to smash it with her fists and tear it apart limb from limb but that wasn't something Sachiko would allow Yumi to do. So what was left for her? She would be left behind and that precious thing she loved the most in the world, the one thing she would rather die than share, would be with another. And Yumi would be alone.
Then one day Sachiko mentioned with a sad but encouraging smile that Yumi needed a petite soeur and suddenly it became so clear. No one could replace her precious oneesama but perhaps, if she was very lucky, she could find someone to ease the loneliness she would feel at Sachiko's departure.
Part of her did find it all very ridiculous, these overdramatic feelings she was having. It wasn't as if Sachiko was dying or moving to some far off land. She would be right next door at Lillian University but Yumi knew despite the proximity of her oneesama things wouldn't be the same.
They simply couldn't. Not with the impending marriage hanging over their heads and that ever present knowledge that one day Sachiko couldn't be with Yumi as they were now.
The problem was finding a petite soeur was harder than one would actually think. After the utter disaster of the tea party and her subsequent dealings with Kanako she wondered if there was anyone truly meant for her other than Sachiko. That perhaps they were wrong and maybe they should play Suguru's game. After all, twisted and deceptive as it was they would still be together and wasn't that all that really mattered?
"We wouldn't be happy," Sachiko murmured sadly, pushing stray locks of hair from Yumi's eyes. "Perhaps we might be at first because we would be together but that could change over time. You could become resentful of the act I would be putting on with Suguru and I would hate myself for hurting you." Pulling her hand away and staring up at the glass ceiling to the greenhouse, Sachiko continued, "I thought too much on what was ideal in a soeur, what was best for the Yamayurikai, when I chose Shimako and you know how that ended." Dropping her gaze, Sachiko offered Yumi a tender smile and caressed her cheek. "When I chose you I thought of nothing but myself and what I truly wanted. And what I wanted most was you as my petite soeur. Listen to your heart and I promise it won't lead you astray. After all," Sachiko gave a light chuckle, "it did bring you to me."
"But oneesama," Yumi pleaded, reaching for Sachiko's hands. "How will I know who is right for me? Who is really meant to be my petite soeur?"
Blue eyes darkened sweetly and Sachiko ducked her head, her lips brushing lightly against Yumi's for a ghost of a kiss as she murmured, "You'll know." Taking Yumi's hand in her own, she placed it over her heart. "Because you'll feel it in your heart. How it warms at their presence, races at their smile, and grows fierce in your desire to protect them." Sachiko pressed her lips to Yumi's forehead and softly echoed her own words. "You'll know."
Weeks went by and somehow Yumi found herself pulled from Sachiko's world and into Touko's. A world she once jealously thought to be so close to her oneesama's. But that wasn't true. Despite the difficulties Sachiko had at home thanks to the infidelities of her father and grandfather she knew her family loved her. Perhaps that was part of the reason she was so willing to give them what they wanted in terms of marrying Suguru. She wanted to return that love in whatever way she could, even if it had the potential to make her miserable in the future. Yes, Sachiko's family loved her and they gave her attention. Almost too much attention, if you asked Yumi. Going into every little detail of her oneesama's life and making it their own. Because she was one of them, an Ogasawara. It was a dangerous and suffocating sense of belonging. Yumi could well understand Sachiko's longing for both an escape and a desire to bury herself in her family's loving embrace and never leave.
However, Touko could hardly say the same.
Measure the amount of attention Sachiko received from her family and multiply by two then you would see how very little Touko mattered to those who bore her. She had been wandering when Yuuki found her, desperate not to return to the home that always seemed empty, despite the people occupying it. Unable to go to her clubs she loved so much because of their ability to keep her from that place, to keep her mind occupied, and to finally give her that feeling of belonging. Because of what? A misunderstanding, a petty argument, a clash of personalities. And suddenly Touko found herself sitting on Yumi's bed, held in Yumi's arms, and crying into the warmth of Yumi's embrace. It was then that Yumi understood what Sachiko meant when she said that she would know in her heart who was right for her. Because in that moment there was nothing Yumi wanted more than to ease the pain Touko was feeling. Nothing was as important to her as Touko and when she felt that, Yumi finally knew who her petite soeur was. Realizing this and holding Touko close to her, Yumi had been sorely tempted to offer her rosary. After all, despite the less than happy circumstances it was so very thrilling to finally know who she wanted. The problem was, Yumi wasn't so sure Touko wanted her.
In fact, there were times Yumi doubted Touko liked her very much. There had been more than a few instances of Touko saying she needed to work harder to live up her role as Rosa Chinesis en bouton. That she wasn't suited to someone as elegant and refined as Sachiko. At the time, Yumi had thought the words to be accurate if not a bit jealousy filled. Surely if Sachiko was the one that Touko wanted as a grande soeur then Yumi would hardly be good enough. While it had hurt so very badly in the past when she thought herself unworthy of Sachiko it was nothing compared to the thought she wasn't fit to be Touko's grande soeur.
There was only thing she could do. She would prove beyond any shadow of a doubt to Touko that she was the one meant to be her grande soeur. Showing her with not only words but with deeds how she would be not only a welcome presence in the other girl's life but a well desired one. The first thing Yumi did to prove this was to mend Touko's fractured relationship with the school drama club. A relatively easy matter once she got the members to understand Touko's caring heart was masked by a rather prickly exterior.
And then came the night of the Yamayurikai's Christmas party. Touko was hurting and she seemed so very far from Yumi. She ran after the younger girl and before she could stop herself, Yumi offered Touko her rosary. The world was absolutely still and Yumi felt a strange sort of peace when she took the rosary off, holding it aloft in the air in the small space between her and Touko. But then those horrible words came.
No, it wasn't the words that were horrible but rather the way they were said and that twist of Touko's mouth. The one that told Yumi she didn't believe this was something Yumi truly wanted. That she was offering her rosary out of sympathy not out of a genuine desire to have Touko as her petite soeur. When in reality it was the one thing Yumi wanted the most. She stood there, numb and hurting, watching as Touko ran from her, wondering if there was ever going to be anything she could do to get her to come back, to welcome her with open arms.
Touko ran from Yumi, so Yumi ran to Sachiko.
She knew she should stop leaning on her oneesama so much and Yumi had tried so very hard to keep her feelings of sadness in but Sachiko had known something was wrong. Hearing the kindness in her oneesama's voice, Yumi couldn't stop the story from spilling past her lips. How she offered Touko her rosary and with it, her heart, only to have them both rejected. Sachiko listened and she comforted and most of all, she had supportive but fierce words of wisdom and warfare to share.
There's no shame being rejected, the only shame comes from not trying. If Touko was who she wanted as her petite soeur she shouldn't give up. She should keep trying until Touko was finally hers. These words warmed Yumi's heart and she agreed strongly, then something in her broke and she was in Sachiko's arms. Releasing the pain of Touko's rejection through her tears, knowing that tomorrow she would have to try again.
Because for Yumi it was Touko or no one. There was no runner up, nobody waiting in the wings, it was Touko and only Touko. She was the one Yumi knew was meant to be her petite soeur. Even if it seemed Touko didn't quite know that herself. But she would soon learn. Especially if Yumi had anything to do with it.