What could've been?

Summary... Sam's feeling worthless after the events at Devils Trap and his visions are becoming out of control as he is shown what could have been.

Disclaimer... Don't own nowt. Kripkie does.

chapter 1

He was unable to move, his arms suspended above his head, unable to do anything but watch as the windigo ripped into Dean's body. Dean's screams intensified by the cave...flash...Sam tiredly treaded water shouting Dean's name. He could see Andrea on the dock screaming for Lucas, he ducked under again hoping against hope that he would find him. Breaking the surface he came back empty handed. Dean was gone...flash...His hand reached for his father's journal just out of reach of his grasp, he stretched his fingers but still couldn't grip the book. A huge bout of turbulence had him turning onto his back, he could see Dean cowering in the corner of the galley his fear filled eyes caught Sam's, they were crashing...

Searing, white hot pain crashed behind Sam's eyes as the vision took hold. He was unaware of the hard ground impacting against his body as his legs gave way beneath him. Although it felt like hours it was over in seconds, Sam was aware all of a sudden of Dean's presence, his brother's hands gripping his shoulders, his worried voice breaking thru the cotton wool like feeling in his ears.

"Sam, Sammy, c'mon breathe, try and calm down, please Sammy."

Sam's breathing started to slow as Dean's words finally registered." I'm ok",Sam forced out in between gulping in much needed air, although his sweat soaked face spoke otherwise.

"Yeah, whatever dude." Dean replied.

Sam's face contorted in anger, but before he could respond he was overcome with nausea and only just made it past Dean before he threw up his meager lunch at the side of the road. Dean passed him a bottle of water as Sam's retching subsided to dry heaves.

"What did you see in the vision?"

"I don't know, Dean. It didn't feel like a normal vision everything was all muddled." Sam answered honestly.

"What do you mean?"

"It was like I was there, then I wasn't I was somewhere else, and again, and again, almost like multi visions in one or something." Sam stuttered out his words in his haste to try and explain while at the same time understand what was going on.

Dean shot Sam a worried look.

"Stop it Dean"

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like I'm some kind of freak"

"Sam I'm not, I'm just worried about you. One vision makes you ill for hours, now you've got multiplay? I know you're feeling worse than you normally do."

"I'm ok, Dean." Sam spat out

"Hmm." Dean huffed before getting up and walking a few paces away, running a hand across his face. No matter what he told Sam these visions scared the crap out of him, not because of what Sam saw, hell they'd saved lives because of them, but because of the damage and toll they were taking on Sam.

He looked back to where Sam was still sitting at the side of the road resting his head on his knees, even in the fading light of day you could still see the sheen of sweat on his all too pale face, still see the growing dark circles that now surrounded eyes that no longer held the sparkle they once shone with. Dean also knew Sam had lost weight, weight he could ill afford to lose, but try as he might he just couldn't get Sam to eat much. He'd even gone to one of those fru fru healthy places Sam loved only to watch as Sam listlessly pushed his food around the plate but eat little.

Sam thought he was hiding things well but Dean was after all a hunter and a Winchester to boot, and not much got past him. Not even Sam's 1 hour a night sleeping sessions and that was a good night. No Dean noticed everything and the toll was beginning to take on not just Sam but him as well.

Walking back towards Sam, Dean decided enough was enough, they were going back to the motel and he was going to force Sam to eat, then rest.

"C'mon Sam. lets get you into the car"

Sam struggled on legs that felt like jelly to get up; he made it half way up when his shaky limbs gave out again. Dean crossed the gap to his brother in an instant and caught him under his shoulders before he could resume his place back on the floor.

Still keeping a firm grip on Sam, Dean maneuvered them towards the car; he helped Sam into the passenger side before making his way to the driver's side. Stealing a glance at his younger sibling he was glad to see some colour returning to Sam's cheeks although he was still holding the bridge of his nose and resting his head on the cool glass of the window. Both sure signs of a monster headache.

"There's Tylenol in the glove box"

"Thanks" Sam whispered before dry swallowing two pills and returning to leaning his head back on the glass.

Dean put the car into gear and headed back to the motel. Typical as usual Sam's breathing evened out within minutes of the car starting. Dean could feel the tension leave his body as he also started to relax. Knowing that there was nothing they could do until Sam had a more clearer picture of what was in the vision they were going to take a break, hell after all that had happened these past years they deserved one.

Pulling up outside their room Dean debated whether to drive round for a bit longer. Sam was dead to the world and it was a while since Dean had seen him like this. He was just about to start the car again when Sam stirred.

"Are we back?"

"Yeah, let's get you in the room."

Sam opened the door and with an effort pushed himself up and out of the car, walking slowly towards the motel Sam felt a lot older than his 24 years. He hadn't made more than a few steps when he felt the familiar build up of pressure behind his eyes. He managed a weak "Dean" before he was overcome yet again by an onslaught of pain and his body succumbed returning him to the floor.