"Hey, Vincent," Reeve spoke up from his seat next to the man caped in red sitting in the bar that most of their friends thought of as a second home. In some cases, such as the young ninja that had just walked out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel on and a toothbrush in her mouth, it was considered just plain home. Although, Reeve was of the opinion Yuffie carried the idea of home wherever she roamed. She somehow managed to keep a mindset that any edifice she currently had board arrangements in was home, and therefore homely behavior was not only okay, but to be expected. Hence, Reeve was treated to an all too brief flash of Yuffie's derriere as she headed up the stairs to her room.
When the red-eyed, raven-haired man looked from the girl to Reeve, Reeve saw fit to continue.
"I've just thought of a completely random, alcohol induced something. Hypothetically, in a completely out of the box, hair-brained, no chance of it every happening in this parallel dimension, speaking…"
Reeve trailed off and waited for Vincent to take the bait. They were both pretty soused, but not enough to where they would forget any parts of this conversation come tomorrow morning, so Reeve would let Vincent decide if he wanted to hear what Reeve had to say. It was that big of a doosie.
Reeve smiled. Hook, line, and sinker.
"Out of the two of us, who do you think Yuffie would choose to be her boyfriend? I think it would be me," Reeve said pompously.
Vincent scoffed. "That's ridiculous, Reeve."
Reeve started to chuckle…
"She would obviously choose me."
…only to have it die in his throat. There was no way Vincent played along.
"I said," Vincent enunciated clearly, "Yuffie would choose me. It is obvious."
"Oh, really now? How is it so obvious?" Reeve demanded.
"I'm more handsome. Not to mention I simply have better combat skills."
Oh, he did not just say that!
"I suppose Yuffie would choose you," Reeve seemingly agreed.
Vincent began to smirk.
"If she found girlish, pretty-boy good looks attractive." Watching the smirk melt into a frown gave Reeve more pleasure than he should admit. "And I would like to think Yuffie would not be so base as to choose her boyfriend based on how many enemies he can take down in twenty seconds." Although, he could picture Yuffie with a stop watch in hand screaming for the next contestant to "Go! Go! Go!" "You, Mr. Valentine, have no social skills whatsoever. You kill the mood almost every time you walk into a room and supplant your dark and brooding atmosphere. Yuffie would choose me because I make her laugh and can bring her joy."
Vincent seemed insulted and with more than half a bottle of rum in his gut, ready to strike back.
"At least I am not a grown man who still plays with toys and stuffed animals. The only reason you make her laugh is because you have the attitude of a child. Yuffie would need maturity for balance in the relationship. I am her opposite and therefore, better suited to her."
"The opposites attract theory only works if you have fundamental similarities. Yuffie and I have lots in common. She would choose me."
"You two have too much in common. Well, besides the age difference. On that note, I'm younger than you are. She would pick me."
"That's nit-picky! You're technically older than I am! On that basis, she'd pick me! Beside you look like something from a poorly tailored Dracula film."
"You did not just call me a vampire, you architectural nerd!"
"You want to take this outside!"
"Why take it anywhere? Here is fine!"
"Geez, what's all the racket for? And why are my ninja senses telling me there's a ginormous cat fight about to start?"
Both men looked up from the choke hold they had on one another to see Yuffie coming down the stairs, thankfully regularly clothed. When she saw their hostile positions, she raised one eyebrow and tilted her head to the side questioningly.
Vincent and Reeve broke apart, each respectively clearing his throat and shifting nervously.
"Never mind. I don't want to know," Yuffie said tiredly. She shook her head and headed for the fridge. She reached in and pulled out a bottle of cream soda. She rubbed her head against it affectionately like a cat and sighed happily. She came to sit down in front of both men, motioning for them to sit. They sat. She unscrewed the lid on her bottle of soda and took a long drag before turning her attention to the both of them sitting guiltily before her.
"So what's up with the two of you? You two never fight."
Vincent looked away in embarrassment, but Reeve held her gaze firmly.
"We were just discussing a rather… interesting hypothetical."
"Just interesting?" she asked caustically.
"Well, I suppose you could say it spawned a rather heated debate. But now I realize that I would like a definitive answer to the question I posed."
"…Reeve," Vincent warned with his dangerous tone. It was a veiled, in your face threat.
"Perhaps you could help with the answer, Yuffie?"
"Sure," she said with a curious glance at Vincent's reaction.
"If I may be so bold, if you were to choose between the two of us, who would you choose to be your boyfriend?"
"I'd choose Red XIII," she said matter-of-factly and without a moment's hesitation, not even caring that Red XIII wasn't an answer choice. Both men were wide-eyed and stumped.
"He doesn't blatantly stare at my ass when I'm going up the stairs. I like the gentlemen."
With that, she returned to her room with her soda and yes, she went up the stairs. Reeve couldn't help himself and stared at her butt as she climbed, her tight muscles flexing mouth-wateringly as she went up. When Reeve finally turned away, he didn't feel so bad because Vincent had stared after her longer.
"You don't think…"
"Nah, she wouldn't choose Red."
"I mean just think of the ugly children they'd have."
"Yes," Vincent agreed with a smirk. "It was exactly the type of thing she would say just to throw us off. Utterly preposterous."
Neither man said anything, but both were thinking the same thing. It was just preposterous enough that she would try it at least once.
With decidedly worried minds, both men threw back another shot of rum.
In her room, Yuffie was laughing her head off into her cell phone.
"Red XIII! Ha! As if! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm telling you, Cloud. You should have seen their faces! Ha! Ha!"