Author's note: I'm taking this fic back and adding some chapters… I also worked on this one and added a few passages (song called "So I see", by Lene Marlin)

Alive

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So I see it, it's right in front of me

What's a matter, oh you cannot see

Feeling like I did when you blindfolded me

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People around here just seem to think I'm fairly stupid.

I mean, all you need is some logic and common sense. Hakuba and Yoifumi did find by themselves, didn't they, and they didn't live a whole childhood with him.

I know him so well. From that very first rose he ever gave to me, from that first smile and that first laugh, we've been no secret from each other. Until that one, until that very secret.

Right, I didn't know it right away. It took me quite a while to realize, and understand.

It was about one year after Kid had re-appeared, and I looked at him in whatever-class-it-was. He wasn't listening, but that wasn't much of a change (he'd always managed to sleep in class and be brilliant. A bit of a genius, while us mortals were working like slaves behind to keep up). He wasn't paying any attention, but looking through the window and into the sky, showing me only his profile.

It was the first time I ever saw his mask off.

His gaze was that of pain and sadness. Suddenly he wasn't a child anymore, but a young man, mature and serious. The kid who'd been flapping my skirt half an hour before was gone. Something had grown him faster he was supposed to, something like a burden on his shoulders, something that I didn't know of, that was his and his alone. He looked into the sky as if he wished he could fly off, as if he was presently involved in a life beyond our understanding, beyond himself.

His blue eyes, usually sparkling with mischief and self-contentment, were now graver than I had ever seen them. He was only a few feet away, but he looked lost somewhere else altogether, maybe in a dream or a nightmare.

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So I hear it, for a brief moment there

I thought I knew all those things

They were far, far from true

But I guess you cannot hide from the truth

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I then realized that the both of us weren't children anymore. No matter what masks we could wear, we were thrown into reality, harshly, abruptly. He was playing a comedy, I could now see, a comedy of everyday, from everyone, even from me, to hide that face of his and those violent feelings I could almost hear rowing in his heart. He played a perfectly performed act, day after day, to keep that other truth from any of us.

Yet he was young still – eighteen only, a scholar. He was so young – but he kept that secret causing so mush distress onto his face, a… burden heavy enough to crush him to the ground. Now that his usual mask, childish laughter and careless look, was gone, I could see him older, wiser than many of us, confronted before time with life's hardship, and pain, and grievance.

He had changed. It was so sudden a realization – he had played as though nothing had happened, but he had changed, entirely, completely. He was still Kaito, the same Kaito – and yet different, an older one, riskier too, as if he was dancing with shades so dark he couldn't see how things would turn up before it's too late.

This was the first time I ever saw his mask off – but not the last. I now paid attention to those minor moments of change in his mask, to this sudden and short look of sharpness in his eyes. It happened often, actually, when nobody was watching him, when he thought himself alone.

Once I thought I saw the phantom of a tear, running down his cheek. But it probably was just an illusion.

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So I see right through you

And I know what you've been up to

So I see right through you

And I know the things you do

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That wasn't enough to believe he was Kid, of course – but I had suspicions. And while time kept on, they just grew, and grew still, 'till I couldn't ignore them anymore.

Kid and Kaito showed so many similarities.

Here's the whole bunch of them, the way I thought them:

1. Kid as young. Kaito was too. (Har har.)

2. Kid was a magician. Kaito was too. (Better, huh?)

3. Kid wore that sarcastic smirk. Kaito did too. (Not simply a smirk. The smirk. The arrogant, victorious one, that said he had fooled everyone again.)

4. Kid could dodge away from my mop the way Kaito did. (I tried to beat him once we met during one of his heists. That night he didn't steal the jewel.)

5. Kid was afraid of fish. Kaito was too. (That night either.)

And you will not make me believe that there are in Tokyo two arrogant young men, both magicians, who could dodge away from my mop and were afraid of fish.

Quite a detective, ne?

KAITO WAS KID.

And the more I doubted, the more it struck as the plain, blatant truth. The one that had been just before my eyes and I had refused to see all along.

The rest of it came slowly into place.

The previous Kid, of course, had been his father, Kuroba Toichi-kun. He was a magician too, Kid had disappeared when he had died, and I couldn't easily imagine Kaito taking over a perfect stranger's mask – such as this one. And the easiest deduction from this was that, being Kid, he had been killed, and Kaito was off to find his father's murderers.

And if that was the truth, I could understand why he had kept that secret, even from me. I hated Kid so much – how could he have told me?

It was easy to understand, but painful. I knew I couldn't stay in an illusion much longer – but truth was so hard to bear.

Until one night.

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So I see it, it's right there in front of me

Oh, I'm sorry, you did not wanna see

Acting like I did when you betrayed me

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It was another of Kid's heists.

Another night of shouting and chasing and taking the sparkling jewel he was after. It could – should – have been like any other, Kid stealing, mocking my father and flying away.

But none of them – neither Kid nor my dad – had expected that unwelcome guest who shot at one, and hit the other.

My father was in the way, so he just shot at him.

I remember screaming and running. There was a black veil before my eyes for a moment, and when I could see again, white was tainted of blood.

Tou-san was bewildered. Kid had saved him.

Kid had saved him.

There are things we just think impossible, and that happen nevertheless.

But the most stunned of all was the sniper.

"Why?" he asked, while Kid was grasping at his injured shoulder, breathing hard. "Why did you save him? He's your enemy, isn't he?"

Kid smirked – something like his usual smirk, but sadder. "Oh, yes," he said. "He's my enemy – or else, someone like an overprotective uncle trying to keep me in the good way. 'Till now, he never really succeeded, but never actually failed… he's got his role to play, just like I do. That's why I'll never let you hurt anyone else that important to me."

I could've sworn his eyes turned briefly towards me.

The sniper was arrested soon afterwards, when policemen remembered they were clever and ran for him.

Tou-san didn't try to arrest Kid that night.

Not even when he discovered he had stolen the jewel from him, when he had thrown himself over him in order to protect him.

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So I hear it, they didn't have to scream it in my head

They could have whispered it instead

Cause I'm already over it now

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Kaito and Kid. They are, I believe, inseparable.

It's impossible for me to hate one and not the other. Impossible too to love one and not the other.

You guys probably wonder why I'm not telling him I know, that it's tormenting him – that he wants to protect me but he doesn't want to lie to me anymore.

At least, that's what Akako-chan told me when she asked me whether I knew or not. (Don't ask: Lucifer probably told her about it.)

Let's say it's kind of a revenge for lying to me.

And I want to hear it from him, to know why. I'll wait, no matter how long – I'll wait. Id always did.

But to know he was Kid allowed me to understand why he's got so many fan girls, both as Kaito and Kid. Why he is so popular, so… loved.

Because he is, through all his laughs and magic tricks, through his mocking and victorious grin, through his sadness and loneliness, through everything that's him, he's arrogant, and childish, and serious, and hurt, and incredibly, wonderfully alive.

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So I see right through you

And I know what you've been up to

So I see right through you

And I know the things you do

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This is not one of my best stories, nor one of my favourites. But I love the idea. So I just thought I'd post it anyway.