Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own anything to do with Twilight and New Moon, aside from the books. But, when I take over the world, I will own it all. And Johnny. I will own him too. Just watch.

Sneeze Edward and Jacob

by Vampire Apple

"I fear one day I'll meet God, He'll sneeze and I won't know what to say."

-Ronnie Shakes

It was a quiet, peaceful summer day at the Swan household. Edward and Bella where on the beat up old couch in the living room, watching an old Johnny Depp movie. Bella was leaning against a pile of pillows with Edward's head in her lap. He was running her fingers though his bronze hair absent mindedly while watching the movie.

When Bella's hand stilled, Edward looked up at her to find her watching him keenly, a thoughtful look in her eyes.



"Can vampires sneeze?"

"… I don't think so."

"In all your years you don't ever remember sneezing?"

It was Edward's turn to look thoughtful. He sat up and held Bella's hand, tracing his finger over her blue veins.

"Honestly? No. I think it's still possible. Turning Vampire takes away all human weaknesses. Sneezing can be brought on by any number of things; allergies and sickness for example. Vampirism takes that away so I guess it takes away sneezing."

"But your sense of smell is really good, right?"


"So, don't you sometimes just smell something and…"

Edward looked up at Bella and smiled. "No, normally if we smell something strong, it's repulsive, but we don't sneeze."

"So even if I tried to make you sneeze, it wouldn't work?"

"Probably not," Edward agreed.

The two settled back into comfortable positions and rewound the movie. After a little more of the movie went by Bella asked;

"Do you think werewolves sneeze?"

This question earned Bella a reproachful and sour look rolled into one.

"I don't know and don't care."

"Well, I do. I'll call Jake and ask him."

At this last statement Edward growled and Bella got off the couch. Hearing Edward's growl Bella turned around and laughed at him.

"Don't worry Edward. I'm only going to ask him a question."

Bella went into the kitchen to the wall phone. She took the phone out of its cradle and dialed a number. Edward shifted slightly so he could keep his girlfriend in full view.

"Hello, Jake?"

With Edward's super hearing he could hear the other end.

"No, this is Billy. Who is this?"

"Bella, is Jake there? I'd like to ask him something."

"Hold on a moment. I'll see if he's in."

"Thank you Billy."

While she was waiting Bella blew a kiss to Edward and mouthed 'I love you'. Edward let an ounce of tension seep out of him at her gesture. He gave her a small smile in return.


"Hi Jake. Listen-"

"Bella, I'm really sorry about the bikes I-"

"It's fine Jake. I just have a question."

"Oh, okay. What is it?"

"Can werewolves sneeze?"


"Yes, like achoo."



"Um… I don't remember sneezing in the last few months…"

"Okay, thanks."


"I'll talk to you later, okay? Bye."

Bella walked back to the couch and curled up with Edward, whom looked a little smug.



"Are Vampire's ticklish?"