Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own anything to do with Twilight and New Moon, aside from the books. But, when I take over the world, I will own it all. And vampire books. I will own all the vampire books in the world.

I thought this one wasn't has funny, but its longer then the other chapters. I really looked up the stuff Bella's talking about.

Sneeze Slide Show

by Vampire Apple

"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he has deer horns."

-Jack Handy

It was a quiet, but exciding summer hour in Bella Swan's room. She had been gathering data for almost a month now. She had spent more time at the Cullen household, watching them closely for most of her information, but she did have to break down and ask a few questions.

She had compared all her information on the Cullens to what she had remembered from her time with Jake and his pack, though she did have to call and recheck her data a few times.

Bella grinned. Edward had nearly driven himself, and Bella, crazy trying to figure out what she was doing. She types up a few more things on her (very new, very expressive) laptop (that showed up on her desk one day, all assembled and all programs up to date with no recite so she couldn't take it up), saved and turned it off.

She went off to shower and sure enough, when she went back to her room her open personal Greek god was waiting for her.

The next day Bella went though her morning rituals while Edward made her breakfast. While she ate they had made small talk (i.e. Edward tried to find out why she was asking all those crazy questions).

After that didn't work he pouted for a few minutes. Then Bella suggested that they go over to his house. Edward agreed and helped her with her bag (i.e. he took the bag from a protesting Bella and put it in the back seat of his Volvo).

When they got the house Bella told Edward to gather every one in the house and put them in the livingroom. When Edward asked why she replied that she was going to tell every one why she kept asking questions.

Of course every one in the house was a vampire so they had super vampire hearing. Said vampires where all in the livingroom before Bella got here. Bella set up her equipment for her slideshow and closed all the blinds. Turning the room full of vampires Bella smiled and started talking.

"Well, over the past month or so I've been asking some weird questions and you all have been bugging me" here Bella glared at Edward who gave her a sheepish smile "to know why I've been asking these questions. Well, I've been keeping a score sheet to see with if better, vampires or werewolves" Edward growled loudly at this and Alice hit him on the head "and now I'm going to present my findings."

Bella started up her slide show. The screen had a line run right down the middle. On one side was the word Vampire and on the other was the word Werewolf.

"Now, every time a vampire 'beats' a werewolf the Vampire section gets a heart, and vice versa. Only the Werewolf section gets a moon."

Jasper snorted.

Esme looked at jasper and he shrugged.

"How does one species beat another?" Alice asked.

"Oh, its just my option," Bella replied. Edward looked smug.

"Now, I researched books and movies. The first vampire film came out in 1909, called Vampire of the Coast. The first werewolf movie came out in 1913, called The Werewolf."

"What an unoriginal name," Emmett said.

"Emmett, be quiet and let me finish." Bella glared at Emmett and pressed a button on her laptop. A heart appeared under the Vampire section. "Since the first vampire movie came out there have been 278 movie to come out in America. Since 1913 only 66 werewolf movies have come out in America."

Another heart appeared under vampire section.

"Score one for us," Emmett said with pride.

"Quite Emmett. Now, I found that there are over 709 fictional vampire books published in America. There only about 650 vampire books in America."

Another heart appeared under vampire section.

"Also, vampires have a better hearing range…"

After an hour and a half of talking and the vampires had fifty-seven hearts and the werewolves had seventeen moons.

"Now, in conclusion, vampires can't sneeze, and werewolves can't sneeze" a heart and a moon appeared "vampires aren't ticklish and werewolves are" the vampires got a heart "vampires can't cough or hiccup and werewolves can" two more hearts appeared "so, really, vampires beat werewolves hands down and I should be one soon."

There was a stunned silence.

"That whole thing was to prove vampires are better then werewolves?" Carlisle asked.


"I could have told you that," Emmett commented.

Every one looked at Edward.

"You really want to be a vampire bad, don't you?"


"I guess we should set a date then…"


I would like to thank all my readers, ones that reviewed and ones that didn't. This story has been a lot of fun to write and thank you for taking the time to read it/