Ngghhh...DeiTobi...Started this fic a while ago, and chapter 357 gave me the inspiration I needed to finish it. This is probably as close to smut for DeiTobi as I'll come (because one, they're too sweet for nitty-gritty details, and two...I'd die of blood loss if I attempted anything more graphic XD). ALSO PLEASE NOTE: The Tobi in all of my DeiTobi stories does not support the Tobi-as-Obito theory. As far as I'm concerned, Tobi is a separate character entirely. Just so you know.

And, if you're looking for something to listen to while reading, try DAUGHTRY's "Crashed." I had it on repeat while writing. ::grin:: I hope you all enjoy!

In retrospect, Deidara thought that a shower curtain would've solved all of his problems.

Well…maybe not all of his problems. He'd have to get rid of Tobi to do that. And forget he ever knew Tobi. Because if he got rid of Tobi while he still remembered him, he'd have new problems piled on top of the old ones, so really, it'd be easier to just keep Tobi around.

And convince the leader to replace their existing showers with some that required shower curtains rather than transparent sliding doors.

At least shower curtains rustled when they were tampered with and didn't invite a peep show.

"Mm…Deidara-senpai…" Tobi rolled over, draped an arm and a leg across Deidara's chest, his waist. His eyes were closed, and Deidara knew he was asleep. He only talked like that—voice slightly rough and slurred—while he slept. "Make those sounds again…Deidara…"

Forcing himself to breathe evenly, Deidara stared at the ceiling, the darkness of the room bearing down on him as heavily as the weight of Tobi's limbs pressed against his bare skin.

"Holy shit," he muttered. "Holy shit."

Yeah, he'd definitely speak to the leader about those showers tomorrow.

"Or I'm screwed, un…"

The night began normally enough.

"Did you see the way I punched that guy in the stomach?" Tobi said loudly as the pair of them entered Akatsuki headquarters after a brief reconnaissance mission. "I didn't exactly want to punch him, you know, since he hadn't done anything to me except look at my mask funny and make a bunch of silly comments, but I couldn't let him wander off and tell people about us—"

"You should've killed him," Deidara grated, massaging his temples. He was developing a migraine. "He'll run his mouth when he comes to, dumbass."

Not that it mattered. Deidara managed to plant a bomb on the idiot before they booked it out of there, so he was probably nothing more than scattered pieces of meat by now, but Tobi needed to learn sometime. Deidara wouldn't always be around to catch his blunders.

"Oh…I hadn't thought of that."

The tone of Tobi's voice brought an image of a just-kicked puppy to Deidara's mind, and he felt a twinge of remorse. Only a twinge, though. He had every right to rebuke that dumbass, didn't he? Sure he did. Sasori-danna used to snap at Deidara all the time, and about even stupider things than this. Like the way Deidara painted his toenails ("Two coats isn't enough. You need at least three.") or how strands of his hair occasionally wound up in the bathroom sink ("Clean this up. The sight disgusts me."). And that's not accounting for the frequent disputes over whose art was best, which ranged from petty to underhanded to physical.

At least Deidara wasn't a bitch for the sake of being a bitch.

"I'm sorry, Deidara-senpai. I don't mean to make you worry all the time."

Deidara almost balked at that—who said anything about worrying?—but Tobi stopped him by putting his hands on either side of Deidara's face.

"I gave you a headache again, right? You were wincing." He rubbed the pads of his thumbs over the reddened skin that Deidara had been kneading earlier. The rough material of his gloves was cold. "It must hurt a lot."

He had his mask on, so Deidara couldn't see his expression, but he knew Tobi was looking him straight in the eyes, and it took most of his willpower not to avert his gaze. In Akatsuki, Deidara had done a lot of nasty stuff, and he wasn't proud of all of it, but he never turned his face from his prey, never pretended that the deaths he caused were unconnected to him after he set events in motion. How much of a loser would that make him, then, if he couldn't stand there and stare back at a dumbass like Tobi?

"Yeah, it does, un," he said sharply. "No thanks to you," he added under his breath.

He knew very well why he was bent out of shape, though he wished he didn't. Had he understood how vulnerable sex could make a person, he'd have rushed to pledge himself to Hidan's god and vowed permanent celibacy rather than get tangled up in this crap. An artist needs nothing but his art to survive. Deidara should've been content with his damned clay. At least clay didn't have fucking feelings attached to it.

It also didn't have much by way of satisfying his carnal desires, unfortunately. Deidara wasn't a nymphomaniac or anything, but he was human, and his body expected gratification every now and then.

Tobi's fault. It was Tobi's fault for being so…so cute. And stupid. And endearing. He grew on you like a fungus, that kid. An annoying fungus, of course. The kind that you don't want mingling with your food.

Whatever. The point was, Deidara gave in to the attraction he spent more time denying than coping with, and it was too late to take it back. It was too late to push Tobi away before their hands were on each other, touching everywhere, yanking clothes off…

He didn't look at Tobi the same way anymore. He couldn't, not after that.

"Hm…I've heard warm showers help, senpai. Why don't you go take one? I'll report to the leader."

Tobi's gloved hands slid gently down Deidara's face until he had released him, and Deidara silently cursed their difference in height. Tobi got away with half the stuff he did because he was taller.

The idea of a hot shower appealed to him, though.

"Just don't mention anything about that guy, okay?"

"Oh, sure, senpai. I won't."

"You swear?"

"Swearing is uncouth, senpai."


Chuckling, his partner turned him around and pushed him toward the staircase.

"Yes, I swear. "

Deidara had his foot poised over the third step when a thought occurred to him.

"Where did you learn 'uncouth'? That's a big word for you, un."

"From the dictionary," Tobi replied matter-of-factly.

Deidara blinked, and then he shook his head. The dictionary…typical Tobi response.

"Dumbass," he murmured as he ascended the remainder of the stairs. Tobi waved at him when he reached the top landing and disappeared down the hall, leaving Deidara to his own devices.

"You're gonna be the death of me…"

Granted, Deidara didn't expect to live a very long life. Not as a missing-nin, and a member of Akatsuki. But wasn't that why he left his village, to perfect his art? Nothing is meant to last, not even life. Deidara decided early on that his crowning achievement as an artist would be his death, a glorious, spectacular death.

Akatsuki suited his needs. Rather than being drawn in by the promise of power, Deidara joined because he knew the organization would bring him closer to the death he envisioned.

But then his path crossed Tobi's. Then he remembered what it was like to care about another human being more than you care about yourself.

Then he wondered.

Would he die for the sake of his art, or would he die for Tobi?

Deidara reached up and unwound the stiff red band that held his hair in place. He tended to avoid thinking about the impact Tobi's presence had made on him, and what it would lead to in the future. He wasn't prepared to do so now.

Shouldering open the door to his room, he tossed the band on his bedside table and slithered out of his cloak, letting it pool on the ground by his feet. The rest of his clothes followed. Naked, he walked to his closet, pulled his robe from its hanger, and slipped it on. Made of terrycloth, the robe was old and worn at the elbows. It'd been a bright, vibrant blue when he bought it, but the color faded so much it looked like a washed-out child's painting. He ran his hands over the worn, smooth material, grinning. He'd probably keep it until it fell apart.

As if reprimanding him for dawdling, his temples throbbed sharply, and he grimaced.

"All right, all right. I'm going, un."

The bathroom he and Tobi shared was directly across from their room, so Deidara didn't have far to travel. Once there, he flicked the light on, stepped inside, and closed the door behind him. Tobi's ludicrous duck rug with its beady eyes gazed up at him from its place in the middle of the floor. Deidara tried, numerous times, to persuade Tobi to get rid of it, but he always relented in the end because the rug made Tobi happy, and it was only in the bathroom, anyhow.

The shower door was already open—Tobi must've forgotten to shut it. Deidara leaned in and turned the water on, testing its temperature with his hand. He liked lukewarm the best, but in this case, he wanted it close to scalding so the steam would soothe his headache.

Shedding the bathrobe, he got in with his back to the nozzle and let the water pound on his neck for a while, then rotated around and stood with his eyes closed and his face tilted up, the water streaming over his forehead, down his nose, his cheeks. The tension in his muscles seemed to drain out of him as if it were dirt being washed away.

The shower was so comforting, and Deidara so relaxed, that he didn't realize he was no longer the bathroom's sole occupant.

He probably wouldn't have realized at all if Tobi hadn't come up and held him from behind, his chin resting on Deidara's shoulder blade.

His eyes shot open, his body completely rigid.


Tobi kissed his neck.

"Who else?" he whispered.

Oh God. Not this. Deidara didn't need this.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Another kiss.

"You aren't stupid like me, senpai." And another. "You know what I'm doing." His scarred, callused fingers trailed down Deidara's abdomen, down and down and down…

Deidara sucked in a breath through his clenched teeth.

"Tobi. Stop," he hissed.

"Why?" Tobi said in his ear, his voice lower and huskier than normal. "Why can't I make you feel the things you make me feel?" His hand tightened around the relevant portion of Deidara's anatomy, and Deidara gasped, his head falling back against Tobi's chest. "Why can't I take care of you the way you take care of me?" Slowly, lazily, that blasted hand moved on him, and all Deidara could do was bite his lip and deal with it, because Tobi's larger frame had him trapped. "I want to be selfish." With his free hand, he made Deidara look at him. "I want you, Deidara."

The water continued pouring down in a steady stream, covering both of them. Tiny droplets clung to the ends of Tobi's black hair before falling like rain on Deidara's skin.

"You're too fucking tall, un."

Tobi kissed him, hard.

"From my perspective, that's an advantage."

To prove it, he reached up and averted the showerhead so that the water wouldn't impede him, and used his weight to press Deidara forward. In order to prevent being jabbed in the stomach by the brass faucet handle, Deidara had to brace his hands against the slick wall.

Well shit.

Tobi spoke the truth. Deidara did know what the dumbass was doing. And he wasn't sure he liked it.

Then again…

He wasn't sure he disliked it either. This side of Tobi was completely new. Usually, Deidara was the aggressor.

Shit, shit, shit.

"Tobi, this isn't—" He had been about to say "a smart idea," but then Tobi's mouth was on him, licking and nipping, and his hands…

"Let go, Deidara."

Stroking, caressing, feeling everything….oh God

"Let me have you."

Fingers probing that spot, that spot where they will join, where they've already joined when their positions were reversed.

"I'm a good boy, aren't I?" Tobi whispered. "I want to show you how good I am, Deidara. Please."

Deidara's heart dropped to his toes. His eyes glazed, blankly staring ahead at the wet, gleaming shower tiles so much like wet, gleaming skin.

Three times. Tobi hadn't called him "senpai" three times.

He called him by his name.

He called him Deidara.

Tobi's body moved closer still; he put his hands over Deidara's and twined their fingers together.

He was aroused. Deidara felt him, felt his breath on his ear, his lips on his damp skin. He felt desire through the possessive grip on his fingers, the way Tobi leaned into him…the way Deidara leaned back, telling himself he did because he'd fall otherwise.

Shouldn't have listened to him, he thought while Tobi released one of his hands to do what Deidara knew had been coming all along. No point resisting, not when Deidara wanted it. He didn't know when he'd stop wanting it, or when he'd stop fighting it. Maybe never. Maybe they'd do this for eternity, holding off until they couldn't hold off anymore and they crashed into each other, crashed and ebbed, like the violent tide of a storm. Should've skipped the fucking shower.

But, realistically, it wouldn't have mattered if he skipped the shower. This would've happened sooner or later. It always did.

"Deidara…say it." A moan, begun by one voice, echoed by another. "Say I'm a good boy."

Deidara closed his eyes, and he let go.

"You're a good boy, Tobi."


Deidara looked down at Tobi's sleeping face, a face so young and innocent, and yet not.


Smiling, he gently brushed Tobi's matted bangs off of his forehead and watched him dream, felt him breathe.

"You're a good boy."

Perhaps his death, and those shower curtains, could wait.