The Naughty Little Book: 360 Sex Positions

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

Golden boots clanked down the sleek and shiny wooden floor of the well lit book store. He was without a doubt uncomfortable and out of place. Definitely. The bright light blinded him and the staring doesn't help. Hey, it's not every day you see a tall man in a torn red cloak, sharp golden claw, ridiculously long boots, a crow nest of black hair, and to sum it all up, creepy red eyes. The large guns strapped along his waist doesn't help much either.

Vincent Valentine sighed, and stopped walking, staring around him. Immediately the eyes disappeared, going back to their previous task of surveying the thousands of titles on the shelves. Vincent glared at them for a few seconds, daring them to turn around and peer at him. They did not take on his dare, but instead, coughed and moved on to another shelf, somewhere far from him.

How did he end up here? Vincent had questions about this himself. Something about birthday presents. He doesn't really remember. He traveled down the aisles of books, people dodging left and right, like Moses parting the Red Sea—a very sullen and emo looking Moses. God was not on his side this time.

The people were afraid of him, he was sure of it; a monster walking in a bookstore would scare anyone out of their wits. What he didn't take into account was that a psycho in red with a claw and guns can scatter people like a plague too. Too bad they see him as both.

Entering a certain aisle, he found it empty of people. Looking around, he wondered why there was no one bustling about in this section of the bookstore. Was it him?

A book on a display case caught his attention. Like the cool guy he was, he eyed the book, still walking, trying to head towards his destination—whatever it was.

He clanked past the book, his boots really making too much noise on the floor for his comfort. The clanking continued, and then stopped abruptly. Clank, clank, clank, back went the boots, stopping in front of the display case with the book.

Red eyes peered over the title of the book. 360 Sex Positions. Those red orbs widened. He tried to look away, to keep on going, but the picture on the cover… did they manage to bend like that?!

Looking around to see if anyone else was watching, or near, he reached guiltily towards that sinful book. Oh the sins he had to repent for had just increased by tenfold. Black gloved hand gently touched the cover of the book, as if it was going to shock him or an alarm was going to go off warning people that a pervert was reaching for such a book. He grasped the book, and pulled it towards him. Hesitant, his fingers seize hold of that attention grabbing cover—that damned cover—and flipped it open to a random page.

Those sexy eyebrows hid themselves under his red bandana, and his wine colored eyes widened until they can go no more. He was so going to hell for this.

"Vincent?" He gave a small grunt of surprise—still managing to make it sound manly, angsty, and sexy at the same time—slammed the book shut, replaced it on the display case and whipped around all in one graceful swift move. Ah, the power and elegance of Vincent Valentine—definitely envied.

"Tifa," his voice was silky smooth, rich dark chocolate, covering up the nervousness and surprise he was feeling, and his face a perfect mask of boredom and tranquility. He wasn't just looking at naughty books a few seconds ago, nooo he wasn't. Thank Jenova that the woman was too short to do the look-over-the-shoulder trick.

"Vincent? What are you hiding?" That smile, oh how he hated and love that smile. It always gets what it wants.

"I've got nothing to hide." You're a horrible lier. Chaos might have bid him farewell, but there were plenty of other voices to occupy his mind. Sometimes, Vincent wondered if it was Chaos that had made him like this or if he was already crazy in the first place. Her eyes definitely agree with the voices. She couldn't hear them, could she? Well, Tifa doesn't need to wrestle with the almighty Vincent Valentine to see what he was hiding. Just a look around at the surrounding displays tells all. Time to consult the all knowing display cases.

"Erotic Play throughout the Century? 100 Ways to Make Your Bedroom Life More Interesting? Sex for Dummies?" Tifa read the surrounding titles out loud, then turned and stared at Vincent with an amused look. "My, my, my…..Our little vampire's growing up."

The enigmatic Vincent Valentine does not blush, not under any circumstances….well maybe just this one. Good thing he had his handy dandy cloak collar. Too bad he could only hide part of his face. The rest, from the middle of his nose and up was in plain view. His bright red and embarrassed expression almost made the martial artist swoon.

She managed to compose herself, but couldn't help utter out a small giggle. Reaching up, she planted a small kiss on the gunman's warm cheek.

"Let's go to the cookbook section," she smiled at him cutely, and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards their destination. "Unless you wish to dilly dally here."

Vincent shook his head, and followed obediently after her. Anything to get away from here.

Approaching the cashier, Vincent dropped the pile of books Tifa had picked out on the counter, releasing his burden. The cashier was a burly woman, with bright red hair on her head, and on her face.

She chewed on her gum, visible bored, and letting the whole world know it. Picking up the books, she started scanning them, all the while still chewing. Vincent stared at her moving jaw, and that scary facial hair. He backed off, coughing politely.

"That will be—"

"Wait, let me grab something!" The scratchy voice was obviously annoyed at the young woman's interruption.

"Hurry up!" She called out after the running woman, and then stared at Vincent. Vincent stared back, still backing off a bit. Hurry Tifa, hurry…..

"Back!" He turned, a happy look on his normally stoic face. That expression dropped when he saw what was in her hands. It seemed intent on haunting him.

"Tifa…" His low baritone voice sounded out, and the girl lined up behind him thought she was seeing stars and hearts floating around his head. The middle aged woman behind her swooned, thinking that the angels were singing.

"Here, add this to the tab too," Tifa smiled at the grumpy cashier, handing her the item in her hands. The lady was definitely shaken out of her boredom when she saw the book.

She raised an eyebrow at the smiling Tifa, and at Vincent, who was trying unsuccessfully to hide himself behind the mantle of his cloak.

"That will be….900 gils," she dropped the books in the bag, still staring at the couple.

"Have fun," there was definitely double meaning behind that….Vincent glared at her, not that it was much help.

Walking out of the bookstore, Vincent stalked next to Tifa, eying the spiffy paper bag with suspicion.

"I do not think Shera needs that book, Tifa," he informed the woman, in case she had suddenly gone ditzy in the bookstore and forgot. Cid would have a lot to say when he sees his wife's birthday present.

"I know, I know," Tifa grinned, then reach into the sack and pulled out the bag. 360 Sex Positions. Vincent glared at it as if it was some sort of bomb, ready to blow itself up in his face at any second.

"It's for us!" Tifa's grin got wider, and she giggled, dropping the book back in the bag and ran ahead, heading toward their car. Vincent stopped walking, staring at the woman. She was mad!

...Why would they need the book anyways? Vincent wasn't sure if he was flexible enough.

"Tifa?" He asked, not noticing several starry eyed woman next to him collapsing with a squeal.

Yay! Summer! More time for me to write!! OK this story is written for...Kysic! She had some rough time, and maybe, just maybe she'll cheer up a bit when she reads this. I LOVE YOU KY!

Hope you liked it. It's been awhile so I'm kinda rusty. It was originally suppose to be a Yuffie/Vincent pairing….but hey this is for my lovely Kysic and since she like Tifa/Vincent pairings, then it's a Tifatine or whatever you call it for her! Hope you like this Kysic and I hope it cheers you up!

Yes, I made up those titles (except for the Sex for Dummies one…I saw that in my school counselor's office…scary), and no, I'm not going to write 360 chapters each about different sex positions. I do not have that kind of imagination. My knowledge about that is limited.

You know the routine! Hit that little gray, blue, whatever "Go" button. The square one, yes, that one down there, right next to the "Submit Review" command, and tell me what you think!