Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine
Summary: Rin wants to be perfect for her lord, but sometimes, being perfect isn't enough…
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters. I am not making any money off of this and I write solely to entertain.
A/N: Meh, just something I felt like writing. Rin is around 13 in this one. NOT a SesshoumaruxRin fic. I'm not a big fan of the pairing; they work much better as a sort of father/daughter relationship.
Ladya C. Maxine
Rin tilted her head to the left, studied how her hair draped to one side, then tilted her head the other way, again, to see what her hair would look like that way. Sitting back on the riverbank, she ran a hand through the dark mane, wincing when she encountered some knots, a twig and something with wings that she quickly shook off. Ah-Un watched the insect fly away but she was less interested.
"Do I look right?" she asked her pets/friends.
Ah-Un had one body, and everyone else referred to them as either 'it' or 'he', but the way she saw it was that there were two heads, meaning that they should be counted as two creatures who just happened to be joined from the neck down.
"Something's wrong," Rin said, looking down at her body.
Standing, she tugged at her kimono awkwardly. It was pretty new and had been spacious when she'd bought it months ago but now the sleeves were above her wrists and the hem almost till her knees and the middle, around her hips, was a bit tight. It really didn't feel right. Nothing felt right about her lately.
She was a wary person. When she'd begun to notice the changes she'd rushed to Jaken, worried that she had been coming down with something and that she'd hold them all up. The small demon had sat there, watching her rant and wave her arms about and fan her hands, finally interrupting her when the ticking vein on his head began to look painful.
"You stupid girl," he'd said, which was how he always started his lectures, "you're just growing up."
Growing up? Becoming like a grown up? Rin looked back down at her reflection in the smooth water's surface. She didn't look any different. Her face was the same, though maybe a little less round. And everyone still called her Rin, so she couldn't be changing.
Then again, maybe that's why she didn't feel comfortable in her own skin. Maybe, like her body, she should change as well. But what could she change about her? She couldn't shift shape like Lord Sesshoumaru, and she couldn't develop any of the powers he, Jaken and Ah-Un had, because change and all, she was still human.
"I have to change," she told herself, staring down at her puzzled self in the smooth water. "Right, Ah-Un? If I change along with my body, then I'll grow up into a better person…Lord Sesshoumaru deserves having someone better than a stupid little girl. If I change, I'll grow and maybe, one day, I'll be good enough to serve Lord Sesshoumaru properly, instead of just following him and getting in the way all the time."
Ah-Un grunted, heaving themselves to their feet to move closer, plopping back down next to her. Both heads nuzzled her face, trying to tell her something, but only Lord Sesshoumaru could actually understand what their grunts and roars really meant. She scratched their scaly heads with her blunt nails, unaware of their hidden words.
"Something different will do. Anything will do," she muttered, looking down at her body and finding nothing on it she could altered.
Then she felt her hair. It had grown longer, with the good meals and over all care she was getting under Lord Sesshoumaru's guardianship. She hoped to grow it as long as his.
"Maybe…" she wondered, running her hand upwards, to the right side of her head, feeling the much shorter tuff of hair she kept pulled back in a lopsided ponytail. She bit her lip, hesitated, then, taking a deep breath, she undid the leather strip. Her fingers trembled before she buried them into her hair, combing over the section until it was smooth.
Cautiously, she looked back into the water and was surprised at the difference it made. If she looked closely she actually resembled Miss Kagome, Lord Sesshoumaru's brother's friend. And Miss Kagome was someone who would be worthy of serving Lord Sesshoumaru; she was brave and strong and smart and capable.
It wasn't much, but it was a start on her way to changing into a worthy servant of the great Demon Lord of the West.
"Better?" she asked Ah-un, who shared looks with each other and shook their heads, though she'd already looked away. "I'll find something else to change about me during our next stop."
"Rin!" a croaky voice shrieked impatiently. "How many times have I told you not to stray so far in unknown territory!? Where are you, you stupid gi--! AI!! Ah, sorry, my lord!"
Grabbing Ah-Un's reins, Rin ran up the slope, hoping she hadn't held them up. Lord Sesshoumaru had chosen to stop there that morning, for reasons only known to him, but Rin had taken to exploring the area, first under the all-seeing eye of Jaken before Lord Sesshoumaru had sent him off somewhere. Now that he was back Rin supposed they would be moving on.
"I'm ready!" she panted, reaching their latest 'camp'; a small hill surrounded by trees. Only a demon as powerful as Lord Sesshoumaru would rest in such an open area.
Letting the reins go, she passed Jaken, who was still rubbing a lump on his bald head, and stopped behind the tall figure standing at the very top of the hill, gazing off into the sky, something he did when he was thinking, and Lord Sesshoumaru was a very thoughtful person.
"I'm ready, Lord Sesshoumaru," she repeated.
He didn't reply, which wasn't unusual. But he didn't even turn to give a brief glimpse, or even move at all. He stayed as he was, like a statue built to last the toughest tests of time.
Rin didn't speak again. Instead, she waited.
An hour later, they were still there.
But Rin didn't sit down or run off to find something more exciting to do. She waited patiently, doing her best not to disturb him. Jaken had found some herbs for his bruise but other than his pained whimpers it was peaceful. Rin watched her lord's back, his bright mane swaying in the soft wind against his black armour.
How did he do it? Never, ever, ever had she seen his hair dirty or tangled. Never a twig, leave or strange bug in the white mane. It was always sleek and never got in his way. She'd never seen him tend to it, but it was perfect. Like him.
One day, she'd be perfect too. It wouldn't be easy, and she'd have to work really hard at it, but for Lord Sesshoumaru, she'd do anything. She wanted him to be proud of her, just as she was proud of him. She'd probably have to change everything about her, but if that was what it would take, then she'd do it. If possible, she'd become a whole other person, even a youkai, if it meant she'd finally be perfect enough for him to proudly keep on as a follower.
…Rin sighed sadly.
How stupid could she be? Becoming perfect…No one could become perfect. Either they were or they weren't, and nothing they could do could change that. Lord Sesshoumaru never had try to be perfect; he just was. If she were to even try to be like him she'd only be mocking him. Really, she was just a human. A stupid human girl who didn't even know who she was or who she was meant to be.
If she couldn't change for the better, then what would she become? Worse? Would Lord Sesshoumaru tolerate that?
'I guess…I'll never be someone else. I'll never be good enough…'
Her eyes pricked with tears as she dug out her old strip of leather. Easily finding back the shorter hair, she parted it from the rest and tied it back up into the lopsided, little girl ponytail. She let her hands fall to her side, defeated.
"What is better, Lord Sesshoumaru?" she asked, looking up at him with questioning eyes.
He was still staring at the sky, watching as the stars appeared one by one. The rising moon was slowly silhouetting him, only enhancing his power and stature.
"Why did you change it?" he asked, deep voice carefully laced with curiosity.
"I just wanted to be different."
"From who I was when you found me."
"Because…I thought I should be."
"Why?" he repeated.
"Because I'm growing up, Lord Sesshoumaru," she said miserably. "I changing, but at the same time I'm not. If I'm growing up then I can't be who I used to be so I shouldn't look like how I used to look. I can't stay like this forever, but I don't know who I'm supposed to be."
"You're Rin," he said simply.
His deep voice made her choke on her tears. Sinking to the ground, she rubbed them away with her too-short sleeves, sniffing as softly as possible to not disturb his stargazing.
"But that's not enough. Not anymore," she sniffled. "Rin was the little orphan you saved six years ago. I don't want to be the stupid little girl who's always getting in the way. I want to be someone worthy to follow you forever, Lord Sesshoumaru. All I want is to be with you, forever, like a perfect follower should.
Long minutes passed by. The sky was black, thousands of stars sparkling around a full moon. Night animals sang and an owl hooted in a nearby tree, calling them out. Jaken was snoring softly against Ah-Un's side at the bottom of the hill, beneath the trees.
"Are you saying that this Sesshoumaru would allow unworthy company?"
"No, but…that's why I have to change. I'm of no use to you like this. I'm just…Rin."
"And it was Rin who I chose to travel with me."
"Don't ever do that again."
He finally turned away from the sky, looking down at her. His yellow eyes glowed faintly in the semi-dark, pale face framed by silvery hair. It was there, under the moonlight, that Lord Sesshoumaru was his most perfect. His most strongest. His most beautiful. His most wisest. Walking towards her with smooth steps, he looked at her sternly.
"Don't ever change, Rin. For no one."
"But…I want to be perfect for you."
A clawed finger reached down and brushed away the last tear.
"You already are."
His boots soundlessly crushed the grass beneath his feet as he walked past her, ready to continue their journey, the endless one on which he's allowed her to walk alongside him. After all those years, after so many battles, discoveries and changes, he still wanted her, Rin, there with him.
Not a stronger human.
Not a perfect youkai.
She wasn't the perfect companion, but she was perfect just being Rin.
"Then, for you, I'll be Rin forever, my lord," she whispered to the sky. "I won't change for anyone, but I'll stay myself for you, forever."
Raising her moist eyes to the thousands of stars, to her beloved guardian's beloved moon, Rin smiled.
"I can be myself...Forever...For you…"
A/N: And that's about it. Just felt like writing a cute Sesshoumaru/Rin fic.
Read & Review, please.