Title: I Can't be Perfect

Author: TigerLily1221

Summary: A girl is kidnapped and killed by her psychotic sister and her deranged BF. Her death brings up some bad memories for a member of the team.

Warnings: Abuse…death…depression

Genre: Angst/Suspense

AN: Further into the chapters there are going to be references to my first fic No One. You don't have to read it to understand because it will the actual flashbacks.

Disclaimer: Is there a NCIS catalogue?


Omgomgomg! I accidentally deleted my entire story while trying to delete my other one. I'm so sorry to everyone that reviewed. And I'm so sorry! I was uploading the third chapter and deleting the other. I'm so sorry!


Chapter 1-Cause we Lost it All

The thunder and lighting that threatened to bring rain for three hours earlier seemed to break open the sky. Its heavy weight fell to the ground below with pings of intensity, raining like bullets upon the small cottage near a lake and a large forest.

Lily McNamara was afraid. Her head was spinning and she was breathing hard. Her salty, moist tears were sprinkled down her pale cheeks and onto the sparkly, tight blue woven sweater she wore. Her small delicate hands were twisted behind her back and tied with a thick boating rope.

God, she couldn't honestly believe what was happening. She had just gone out to have some drinks with her friends to wash out her old boyfriend and wound up getting mugged and kidnapped. It seemed that she had just so much luck.

She snorted and shook her head trying not to choke on the dirty rag stuffed in her mouth. The large brown wood door creaked in response and Lily stilled.

Trying to stop the whimper rumbling in her throat she bit harder down on the gag. She knew who was coming, the man who had done it to her.

He was so familiar but she couldn't place him. She could have sworn that his voice, that croaky, hoarse voice she'd heard it before.

"Girlie, do you want to play?" the voice whispered. She shivered and gulped rather loudly. The man crept into the room slowly, his left leg trailing behind him with a theatrical limp. He wore a black suit, complete with black gloves and a black ski mask.

"Mahhf" she muttered her words muffled. He laughed—no cackled—at her vain attempt to save herself. It was a pointless effort, she wasn't going to leaver her alone. That was the reason she was here…no to be his play toy.

"Of course you do," he seemed to ignore her remark and leaned down next to the door where a box was situated. He pulled out a dagger with a shiny pointing, very threatening looking blade. He fingered it gently and placed it next to the Lily's left arm. He trailed it down the length of her forearm causing gooseflesh to appear on her skin. He picked it up and grinned happily. He started it at her shoulder and did the same thing except he added more pressure to the tip, creating tears in her skin. She gasped in pain. He seemed pleased with the results and pressed even harder, resulting in a frightened agony filled shriek.

Her crimson blood flowed out of the slit with the likeness of a waterfall. A red, polluted dizzying waterfall. He laughed again at her face, her blonde hair frizzy and her pupils were dilated from non intended drug use and blood loss from previous wounds.

"Ohh, don't cry precious. I know you like it."

He then pulled out a second tool of death. This time it was a small metal bat. He lifted it up and tested its weight. He grinned and flung down.

The first time it hit she had closed her blue eyes knowing the pain to come. She had played softball and had also been at the brunt of an angry ten year old sore loser. The bat hit her right leg with a sickening bang. She could almost feel her knee bone shatter at the contact. She burst with another angry pain filled cry.

The bat hit her many more times softer than the first hit. Some times it hit her fleshy stomach, others to her legs but not a single one to her head. She felt every single one of the hits and it took all of her willpower to not faint and scream and cry.

It wasn't much use. She was already in so much agony that it didn't matter which way she was led into unconsciousness. She yearned to be in her warm, not painful escape. It was so much more peaceful than the shack.

He leered at her through her unwoven top which clearly so the stuffed bra and flat now bruised abs. She flinched at his touch, the tender soft almost comforting touch.

Not a single tear fell down her face as he continued to pet and prod her body. She wasn't about to give in to his sick overly sexual fantasy. If she remained strong and maybe she didn't give in than maybe just maybe he would let her go.

He stopped suddenly a loud when a shout came from somewhere above her. He smiled, showing only some of his teeth. Oddly enough, they weren't abnormally arranged and yellowing as she expected a killer's teeth to look like. They were a brilliant pearly white and arranged in perfect little rows. His eyes, large orbs of brown, lit up and hissed a soft goodbye before slamming the door and turning the key in the lock.

After he had scampered up the stairs, the room was just as eerily quiet as before. The room was small and square shaped. It was a godsend that she wasn't claustrophobic. There was only one small window about the size of a cereal box. She was underground, below the surface, under the scenes. She could barely see anything outside for it was pitch black outdoors. She couldn't scream nobody would hear her and the obvious reason of the gag. She could only listen and pray that she knew where she was.

Even that wasn't a very good plan. Her knee was shattered and there was no possible way she could walk on it. Besides the blood loss was making her light headed.

She was very glad that her team leader wasn't there even her teammates. She was already ridiculed for being a picture perfect blonde and the added effect of not having a body built to kick criminal ass was just a sad bonus of not having the look of a Special Agent.

It was an annoying factor that she dealt with on a daily basis but she had wanted to be a special agent since they made an appearance at her high school. She dealt with it and worked through the problems. She even showed off when she was the one who figured out who did it.

On the other hand, she felt so lonely and scared that even dealing with Special Agent Tyler's teasing was good enough for her. She couldn't stand being in the space. She just wanted to be home. A small helpless sob burst from her throat. She wanted to be curled into bedroom reading a romance novel that her mother rolled her eyes at. She even would be with her estranged sister, Aurora.

At the thought of her sister she sighed her sob caught in her throat. Her sister had died so long ago. Not physically but emotionally. She had once been a very happy bubbly child before Lily was born. She had been their parents pride and joy. She was loud and pretty baby. She had been playful and energetic. When Lily was born three years after her adorableness seemed to have been forgotten.

As they grew, Lily had strove forward in the beauty and intelligence portion. She had perfect grades, talents and friends none of which Aurora had. Her almost perfection had made Lily become the favorite among teachers and family. Unknowing how to deal with the pain of loss, she began to fuel a small fire known as anger and resentment. She had closed up all of her emotion and become unfeeling. She still could perform ordinary tasks but put absolutely knew no emotion other than anger.

She had originally tried working in a preschool hoping to stop her overly suicidal (homicidal?) nature but it hadn't lasted long. She couldn't be around such happy kids all day long it practically killed her internally. She couldn't stand being with the children who were sheltered from the injustices of the real world. The naivety of children who thought that the world was full of rainbows and sunshine were instead of uplifting her growing depression and resentment seemed to cause it to fall even more.

The two were as different as sisters possibly could be. Lily was blonde haired and blue eyed. She was thin and tall. She excelled at math and sciences. She was had an intricate, logical way of thinking that helped with her profession and she could often try to get in the head of a criminal. Aurora was black haired and hazel eyed. She was shorter and not as thin. She wasn't very smart and enjoyed writing and creative activities like acting and painting instead.

Lily thoughts were stopped by the thumping of two sets of footfalls coming down the stairs, which froze her. The lock once again scratched opened and the door creaked open.

"Good morning princess. Did you miss me?" the second mystery voice asked. The voice was deep and husky but clearly feminine. The woman wore the same ensemble as the man but her mask was rolled all the way down her face, not showing her mouth.

"Mah moah mahh." She cried out. The woman laughed harshly and gestured to the first man.

"I think she wants us to play with her." The woman's voice dropped the huskiness and Lily gasped as she recognized the woman.

The woman laughed again at the sharp intake of air. "Jimmy, I think she recognized us." Instead of the shock or surprise Lily expected the woman to have she actually sounded pleased. "Jimmy take out the gag and pull off your mask and gloves. Let Ms. Perfect say a few words before her demise."

'Jimmy' leaned forward and pulled out the wet rag while he pulled off the mask. Simultaneously, Jimmy and the woman pulled off the masks and gloves. He nodded at Aurora and left the room quickly.

"Why? Please just tell me why?" Lily cried. Aurora stopped and gazed down at her, her crisp hazel eyes full of an emotion. It was the first time in a long time that she even showed anything other than anger. The emotion scared her it was pure…enjoyment.

Lily squeezed her eyes shut as she felt the muzzle of a gun against her forehead. She cried quietly, her training to become a Special Agent forgotten. Aurora pulled the trigger easily and simply slipped back out of the door as her blood splattered around the tiny room.

The room was no longer black and dark but now covered in bright crimson blood. Aurora smiled evilly and reentered the room looking down at her sister slumped in the chair.

She was dead, clearly extremely dead. Her eyes were open and glassy. Her blonde hair fanned around her head turning a reddish blonde color from the thick blood she was laying in. Her leg lay next to her limp and at an odd angle. Her body was covered in bruises and the wound from only minutes ago on her arm was slit open, more blood pooling from that wound too.

She sniffed tiredly the word echoing from only seconds before.

Why? Please just tell me why?

Aurora's mouth quivered as she tucked the gun into the hands of her long dead sister. A single tear trickled down her cheek and she chanced one last look before closing the door.

"Because you had everything."


I don't know if this is good/too confusing/horrible so please review and tell me how it is. I promise that next chapter will be more about the team members and the memories I promised.

Now to make this even better I need a beta for another story that I have written even more! I have absolutely no clue where to find one so please contact me if you're interested.

Thank you very much for your support that I know someone will give me!!

Luvs,

Ari