Shadow the Hedgehog: Another Parody
Shadow had been wandering around the city, using his innate ability to track down the Chaos Emeralds.
"Hey, I sense one nearby!" He took off and tracked the Emerald down, right to the offices of the Team Chaotix.
"Well guys, I hope you're ready to take on our new job, one guaranteed to earn us lots and lots of rings!" Vector announced to his team.
"You know, Vector, rings aren't everything." Espio felt compelled to point out.
There was a brief pause, then Vector laughed. "Haha, you're funny."
Before Espio could give his biting comeback, Shadow burst in through the door. "Give me that Chaos Emerald that I know you have!" He said.
"What Chaos Emerald?" Espio asked incredulously. "We don't have a Chaos Emerald."
"Sure we do." Charmy piped up. "It's right over there, in the glass case."
"Darn you Charmy." Vector said. "Don't show off the merchandise before we make the deal."
"Ha! I knew you had a Chaos Emerald." Shadow said. "Now give it over."
Vector considered this. "I'll strike you a deal. You help us fight Black Arms and make a bunch of money, and we'll give you the Chaos Emerald."
"That sounds like fun." Shadow said in a voice reminiscent of Billy from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. "I'm sure my dad will approve."
Back on the Black Comet, Black Doom was sitting at his desk in his study. In one hand, he was holding an extremely oversized coffee mug that he was drinking out of, and he was using the other hand to write.
Suddenly the door opened and a rather beat-up looking Black Oak stumbled into the room.
"Sir, we're being attacked down at the Cryptic Castle. We've taken severe damage, and we can barely fight back!"
"Who's doing this?" Black Doom demanded.
The was a momentary pause, then the Black Oak said, "Guess."
"I'm gonna kill that kid."
Shadow and the Team Chaotix were still fighting the Black Arms in the Cryptic Castle when a rather irritated Black Doom showed up.
"SHADOW!!!" Black Doom shouted.
Shadow turned off his Hoover Shoes and skidded to a stop. "You rang?" He asked in his somewhat back-to-normal voice.
"Yes I did. What are you doing?!?"
"Me and my friends are stopping the Black Arms." Shadow said with a big smile on his face.
"Need I remind you that the Black Arms are my army?"
"Oh yeah. …. Oops."
"Opps isn't going to cut it young man!" Black Doom shouted. "When you finish getting the Emeralds you're going to your room, mister!"
"I don't have to do what you tell me to do." Shadow retorted. "I've gotten along just fine without you for the last 65 years."
"You were in suspended animation for fifty of those years," Black Doom pointed out.
"So? I did just fine doing nothing."
Black Doom scowled. "Stop destroying my army and finish collecting those Chaos Emeralds."
"Fine." Shadow said.
As Black Doom Chaos Controlled away, Shadow turned to the Chaotix.
"Sorry guys, I'll have to take the Chaos Emerald and leave now. My dad doesn't want me destroying his army."
"Aaww," Charmy said. "But hey, what about those?" He pointed at the Black Hawks flying around the sky above the castle.
"Yeah, he didn't say I couldn't destroy birds." Shadow said.
"We're not birds." One of the Black Hawks informed him.
Shadow considered this. "He didn't say I couldn't defeat pterodactyls."
"We're not pterodactyls, either."
Everything within a three mile radius was destroyed.
Vector coughed, sending a cloud of ash flying out of his mouth. "Could you watch where you're aiming that thing?"
"Not really." Shadow replied. "Now give me the Emerald."
"Here you go." Vector pulled out the gem and handed it to Shadow.
"YES!!" Shadow spun around and held up the Chaos Emerald in one hand. "Emerald Get!"
Nintendo's lawyers glared at him. "Hey you, stop ripping off our ideas or we'll sue your sorry hide."
"Sorry sir." Shadow replied. "Now I'm off to get the other Chaos Emerald from Sonic." He held up the Emerald again. "Chaos Control!"
"Stupid Sega ripping off our ideas." The lawyer muttered.
"What do you mean stupid Sega?" Another lawyer asked. "I think you mean stupid authors." He shook his fist at the sky. "Stupid authors!!"
In front of their computer, Caleb and T.A.R.N.S. looked at each other.
"Why are we writing ourselves into legal trouble?" T.A.R.N.S. asked.
"Because it's hilarious." Caleb told her.
In the meantime, Shadow had arrived at Tails' workshop, were Sonic was supposed to be rooming at. He dramatically kicked down the door.
"What'd you do that for?" Tails asked. "Now I'll have to buy a new door…or at least some new hinges."
"Where's Sonic?" Shadow demanded. "I have to get the Emerald he has."
"He's in the kitchen eating all my chili dogs," Tails sniffed.
"Uh-huh," Shadow muttered unfeelingly. "I have deep sympathy for you." He dramatically kicked down the kitchen door.
"Would you quit doing that!?!" Tails shrieked.
Shadow stomped over to Sonic, who was piling chili dogs on a plate, and told him, "Sonic, give me the Chaos Emerald."
"I don't have it anymore." Sonic told him. In the background was the sound of a vinyl record being stopped.
"What? What do you mean you don't have it anymore? I already kicked down two of Tails' doors." Shadow said.
"You're gonna pay for those." Tails called to him.
"Eggman took it. I set it down under a tree so I could go get a chili dog from the chili dog stand. Apparently while I was getting the food, one of Eggman's robots stole the Emerald and left a note saying "you're a loser."
"Sonic, you've got to lay off the chili dogs." Shadow told him.
"I know." Sonic said as he took a bite out of another chili dog.
"Anyway, I've got to get to Eggman's base." Shadow said.
Meanwhile, at Dr. Eggman's base, Eggman sat in his would-be evil dictator's chair, twirling his moustache.
"I've got it!" He announced. "I'll design a new robot. Instead of Metal Sonic, I'll get Robo-Sonic! It's genius."
Two seconds later…
"No, that's a stupid idea." Eggman said. "I got it! I'll make a bunch of 'lost' posters for the Chaos Emeralds. Then everyone will help me the Emeralds because they feel sorry for me. No wait, everyone hates me."
As Eggman was pondering this, Shadow kicked the door in. "Dr. Eggman, give me the Chaos Emerald." Shadow demanded.
"Shadow…why'd you break down my door?"
"Because, it was …locked?"
"No it wasn't.
"Oh," Shadow said. "Anyway, give me the Chaos Emerald."
A light bulb went on in Eggman's head. "I'll make you a deal. You help me take over the world, and I'll give you the Chaos Emerald."
"Can't. My dad wants me to help him take over the world." Shadow replied.
"Since when do you have a dad?"
"Since around chapter one."
"I don't have the Emerald. I put it in Space Colony Ark." Eggman told him.
"So what are you saying?" Shadow asked. "You were going to trick me into helping you take over the world?"
"It worked in Sonic X."
"Wait, what's Sonic X?
"It's better that you don't know. Terrible show. I always lost." Eggman replied.
"Well, it's been fun and all, but I'm going to Space Colony Ark." Shadow told him. "Chaos…Control."
0.00003 seconds later, Shadow arrived on Space Colony Ark. "This place seems familiar me somehow." He said. "Like, someone important, to some sort of plot."
"Shadow, is that?" A voice from behind him asked.
Shadow spun around and saw… "Ah! A Ghost! Don't hurt me!"
Maria sighed. "I'm not here to hurt you."
Shadow's eyes grew watery. "Maria, is that you?"
"Well, kind of." Maria admitted.
"MARIA!" Shadow joyfully shrieked as he jumped towards her to try and hug her, only to go straight through her and fall flat on his face.
Maria sighed, again. "I'm a ghost, you idiot."
"Oh yeah." Shadow said as he picked himself up off the floor. "So what are you doing here?"
"I'm going to pointlessly follow you around as you go through Space Colony Ark." Maria said.
"So you're going to be my partner who follows me around and helps me target enemies?" Shadow asked.
"No, actually I'm just going to follow you around for no particular reason." Maria replied.
"Oh, that makes sense." Shadow replied. "Well, let's go find the Chaos Emerald that's supposed to be here."
And with that, the two of them set off through Space Colony Ark to find a Chaos Emerald.
T.A.R.N.S.: And you thought this story was dead. Anyway, we finally got this finished, so now everyone gets to read it. R&R, please.