"But the curious thing was that under the king-post of keeping faith with himself and with others, he had a contradictory natu

Disclaimer:  Guess what?!  Fujin, Seifer, Raijin and any one else I mention from Final Fantasy VIII are not mine!!!  They belong to Square. I just took them out for a test drive… but don't worry I did not make and money off them and returned them all nice and neat!  Oh and The Once and Future King by T.H. White is not mine either… I don't own a thing… except my Seifer key chain, but that is not really worth much so please don't sue me… the lawyer would cost more than the key chain!

Author's note:  This is a little experiment and our first Saifuu, well sort of a Saifuu,  so please give us a review and tell us what you think!!!  Thanks!

Oh!  And Thanks to Megs and the Muse for the edit!!


By The Pink Apocalypse

It was quiet in our little hotel room in Balamb.  The glow of Seifer's reading light gave the entire room a soft, almost ethereal glow, but I hardly noticed.  Staring out the window, I watched the reflection of the moon dance over the tops of the waves and was content to be alone with my thoughts.  Allowing my eye to slide closed, I placed my head against the cool glass of the window and sighed.  Behind me, I heard the rustle of Seifer's coat as he turned the page of his novel.  I opened my eye and stared at my reflection in the glass.  Against the black back drop of the night, my silver hair and pale skin stood out starkly causing my image to look more like that of a ghost than any real creature of flesh and blood.  I sighed again, allowing my reflection to be swallowed in a gray mist when my breath touched the cold windowpane. 

How long have we been living like this?  I guess time really doesn't seem to matter any more.  Days turn into weeks and weeks seem like months.  It almost feels like we are stuck here, waiting, in a constant state of anticipation.  I keep thinking that if I just keep waiting, something will happen, but, in my soul, I know nothing will.  I think Raijin finally came to that conclusion, and that was why he had to leave.  He just couldn't be still anymore.  At first, when we came back to this place after Ultimacia's defeat, we were happy.  We had each other, but I guess, for Seifer, that just wasn't enough.  He had us, true, but he didn't have his dream any more.  There was nothing left for him to strive for, so he just waited.  Before, when he would read his romantic stories of kings and queens… and knights, he would recite each tale over and over, as though it where a prayer, and tell us how one day he would be a knight - chivalrous and true, like his beloved Lancelot.  He would grab Raijin by the arm and tell him how he would be a hero like the world had never seen. Then, he would turn to me, with his arrogant little smirk, and add that he would be sure to get the damsel, too.  Now, having lived his dream and failed, the stories no longer stir his soul.  He just sits there in the corner, curled up on the couch, reading, and when he finishes one book, he simply picks up another, even though it seems the words have lost their meaning.

I remember when Raijin left he asked me to come with him.  He acted as though our friendship with Seifer was some type of military service we had enlisted for, and that we had served our time.  He said we had tried to help Seifer, but that maybe Seifer did not want our help any more.  He said that we had given up so much to help Seifer have his dream, and even though Seifer still clung to it he was done with it.  I said that we had given Seifer our word and that I was prepared to follow him to the ends of the planet and Raijin said we already had.  I remember him giving a defeated laugh and saying he was done with Seifer's quest and Seifer's dreams and that he was ready to live his life.  When he left he looked me in the eye and said, "When ya finally realize there is no Holy Grail, you come find me, ya know."  So he left and I waited.  I don't know how long it's been since Raijin left anymore, but it has been a while.  And every day it seems like Seifer and myself become more and more like shallow reflections of the people we used to be.

A loud crash shattered my train of thought and I spun around to see Seifer had knocked over the couch and thrown his book at the wall.  Seifer's lamp lay on its side on the floor, causing odd shadows to stretch across the room.  Slowly, I rose to my feet, bracing myself to deal with another of his outbursts.

"SEIFER," I said moving away from the window, "WRONG?"

"It's not supposed to end like this, Fuu!" he shrieked.  Not quite sure if he were referring to the events in his own life or the novel he was reading I allowed my eye to dart over to the book lying limp on the floor.  It's tattered cover read The Once and Future King, another of his tales of Camelot.  Still not sure just what he was referring to my ruby eye met his blazing green eyes as I waited for him to continue.  "The knight is supposed to triumph, rise above everything and win!"  Still confused, I remained silent and let him speak.  He cast his eyes to the ground for a moment before continuing.  "Guess, what?  Camelot crumbles in this one too!"  As he angrily kicked a pillow at the book I stared at him in shock.  He was acting as though if he read the book again he expected the ending to change, as though if he thought about it hard enough he could alter the events of the past.


" 'Real not,'" he sneered, "Just like my fucking dream!  Oh, yeah Fujin, for a moment I forgot that you don't give a damn about anything but the practical shit!  What the hell does my broken dream mean to you?  You just sit there and stare out the window all the time like nothing matters anymore!"


" 'Unreasonable', my ass!  At least I still have fucking feelings! You haven't been the same since we left Garden!" 

"ME?  YOU!"

"Oh, blame it on me!  Real mature, Fujin!" he spat, turning my name into a curse.  I stood there in shock.  What was he talking about?  Me, immature?  He was the one sitting there trapped in his own little fairy tale world, reading the same book over and over, as though reading it would bring back a piece of him that he had lost.  I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder, hoping to give him the comfort I could not find the words to convey.  Angrily, he shrugged it off.  "You don't know what the hell I've been through!!" he hissed.


"No you don't, you left while the getting was good.  You said I could always count on you and Raijin.  We were a posse!"


"Sure," he said with venom dripping from his voice.

"RETURNED," I said, casting my eye to the ground. I was still ashamed for what I did in Lunatic Pandora, but I thought I had explained myself to him.   

"I have nothing!  No honor, no dream, and I am sitting in this shit hole hotel room with no idea where to go next."

"ALIVE!" I shrieked in annoyance, "You've had your fairy tale, grow up!!  You went after your dream… and it didn't work out.  You tried.  That was noble, " I looked away from him for a moment, "but you can't live for a dream forever, or, before you know it, that's all you'll have."  I fell silent and waited, hoping for a response that would never come.  He just stared at me, like I had spoken some sort of sacrilege, like I had dishonored his religion.   Without a word, he turned his back on me and stormed out the room, slamming the door behind him. 

For a moment, I just stood there.  Silence settled over the room once more.   I cast my gaze over to Seifer's book, his tattered bible.  Sadly, I knelt down and retrieved it.  I ran my hand over the old cover, worn with years of love.  The binding was broken and several pages had fallen to the ground.  For a moment, I thought wistfully that that old book had received more love over the years from Seifer than me and Raijin combined.  Despite all that, however, its former glory seemed faded now - like Seifer's dream.

Wistfully, I opened the book.  As I skimmed over random pages my attention was drawn to a dog-eared passage about Lancelot:  

"But the curious thing was that under the king-post of keeping faith with himself and with others, he had a contradictory nature which was far from holy.  His word was valuable to him not only because he was good, but also because he was bad.  It is the bad people who need principles to restrain them…one reason why he fell in love with Guinevere was because the first thing he had done to her was to hurt her.  He might never have noticed her as a person, if he had not seen the pain in her eyes."

I wondered if that was how he saw himself.  A "bad" person in need of a dream to restrain him.  Maybe that's why those tales meant so much to him.  He tried so hard, but he felt in the end none of it ever really mattered. 

Doesn't he realize that he is my knight – that he is my Lancelot?  Both he and his idol always sought after something they could never really have.  They pushed themselves to be the best, never realizing that, in striving for heavenly perfection, they condemned themselves on earth.  Seifer tends to forget, in his hero worship, that even though Lancelot did untold noble deeds he was, in the end, the one who opened the door to Camelot's ruin with his love of Guienevere.  "Traitor Knight", is what they called Lancelot in the tales and traitor is what they call Seifer still, but both followed a dream to its end, no matter what price they paid. 

Turning back to the window, I lowered the book to my side.  Staring at the moon again, my thoughts began to wander.  It was like everyone had their place in Seifer's stories.  Squall seemed to me to be an Arthur of sorts, stumbling into a grand destiny he had never imagined or even wanted.  Rinoa, obviously, played the role of Guinevere, fair princess to be quested after.  But what about Raijin and me?  We had no real place in such a tale.  Maybe that's why Raijin finally left – he finally realized he didn't fit in Seifer's story.

I walked over to the lamp and picked it up off the floor.  Then I tipped the couch back upright.  I sat down on the couch and began flipping though the book again.  For some reason, another passage caught my eye.  This time about Elaine, Lancelot's wife - but not lover:

"Poor Elaine.  You always seem to be nursing me back from something.  You never seem to have me, except when I am half alive"

"I have you for good now," she said radiantly.

"Elaine," he said, "I want to talk to you..."

I let my eyes slip off the page and gently closed the book.  I knew what Lancelot would say.  I did not have to have the tales memorized like Seifer.  Lancelot was leaving, going back to his shining Camelot to chase his elusive dream; leaving Elaine alone with her false hopes and broken promises.  Whenever Seifer told me these stories he never spent more than a few sentences on the girl, but, for all of Lancelot's exploits I have forgotten, I remember the few words he spared for Elaine.  She dreamed of nothing but her love for her knight and in the end he left her for all her troubles.  Seifer always said she died of a broken heart and then, forgetting her and all she suffered for the man she gave her soul to, Seifer always went on to say how Elaine's death caused so much woe for the beautiful lovers Lancelot and Guinevere. 

For a moment, I almost felt sorry for her. 

Stupid.  Stupid girl.  To give until there was nothing left.  Stupid to die for love - no, stupid to die for a love that never existed.  Sighing deeply, I lovingly placed the book back on the shelf and turned my back to it, allowing my thoughts to turn inward.

I gave my life to pursue Seifer's dream – but I could not do it any more – I could take no comfort in the fairy tale.  I closed my eye for a minute and then quickly rose and went to my room.  Hastily, I grabbed a bag and threw what little I had into.  As I headed to the door I paused and turned back.  I went back over to the bookshelf and grabbed the book, a pad of paper, and a pen.  Reluctantly, I put the pen to the pad and scribbled my goodbye.  Taking a deep breath, I placed the book on the couch with the note on top that read:


I can't wait for you any more. 

I won't be your Elaine, but what I would have given to be your Guinevere…