Author's note- Edward's point of view of the night he left Bella in New Moon. enjoy :)
R&R and let me know if i'm doing good with this EPOV
Disclaimer- Don't own anything.
The rain came down hard that night, trying to wash away these terrible ideas that were about to ruin me…about to kill me. The newly wet asphalt reflected my headlights back at me. I stared blankly into the foggy distance. Why was I doing this? Because she needed to be safe…
A vicious earthquake of terror spilled down from my ribs as I thought of her, of my Bella. How could I do this? I couldn't ever leave Bella. I couldn't stand being away from her for a matter of hours when I had to hunt. And now? Now I was planning on moving away? Of leaving her indefinitely to live here without me, to grow, to die, and I would never get to see any of it. No more of her smiles, her laughter, her ruby cheeks, or her divine perfection. I'd be alone, lonely. Doomed not only to Hell but to walk the earth alone for the rest of forever?
And would Bella find happiness? Would she fall in love with someone else? My throat tightened painfully at the thought and a squeaky choke came from my chest.
I could only pray to convince myself that this was for the best. Because it was. She had to live. She had to have the opportunity to wash the toxic filth that I clogged her life with away.
I had caused her near death experiences ever since I had met her. The first moment she tossed her hair in my direction during biology…that should have been the end of her. But then she proceeded to be alone with me even though I would have liked to drain her of every drop of blood in her body; James found her and nearly killed her, and then Jasper almost bit her head off. What the hell was wrong with me? I loved her! How could I even stand to put her through this! I was disgusted with myself. I was endangering her.
I was the most dangerous thing in the world for Bella. Talk about being a danger magnet, I seemed to attract danger to Bella. I attracted lethal assailants to the one thing I treasured most in the entire world. My heart still drooped when I remembered back to the Phoenix Memorial Hospital room that I had lived in for a week. Her sleep in that room didn't comfort me like usual, it worried me. All I wanted was for her to wake up.
Now I was trying to wake her up from this terrible nightmare that I had thrust her into. I wanted her to wake up from this cursedly fatal relationship and live her dreams. My eyes scrunched shut as a brick wall of heat crashed behind them. I wished I had tears. I wished I were human. If only I could be like Bella then maybe I wouldn't be so dangerous to her.
Bella's pleasant eyes and flushed cheeks peeked up at me from my mind's eye. A violent sob shot up through my chest. How could I do this? I was going to die without her…
But I had to do this. She had to live. That was something she could never do with me. She was always having her life threatened, and now she wished to be condemned like me? Absolutely not. I refused to take away her life. I didn't have the strength to replace the glowing sunshine that beamed through Bella with the dank smoke of damnation. I wouldn't do it. And I couldn't bear to see her wasting her humanness on me. She deserved someone as bright and warm and lovely and perfect as she was.
Why did you do this to me God? Why did you lead me to her? Why did you lead me to the only being I have ever loved…that I will ever love, knowing that I was wrong for her? And knowing that I didn't deserve her? Why torture me so? Was I really that awful in my human years? To deserve this cruel punishment? As if eternal damnation wasn't enough? Now it was necessary that I be wrenched away from the only woman that would ever hold my heart?
Even as I would walk away from her later that night…she held my heart. She would always hold my heart. I had tied it to her wrist. No matter how many little things of me I had stolen from her…or rather hidden beneath her floorboards, my heart was tied to her wrist with a string of unbreakable devotion. She held it to her palm anytime she closed her fist and it went with her everywhere she went…no matter how far away I really was.
I was in pieces at this point. My entire back was tensing as I heaved over my steering wheel and tearlessly cried. I spun my Volvo onto the shoulder of the road. I had to gain control over myself and over my emotions before I did this. If I weren't careful she wouldn't believe me. She probably wouldn't anyways. I was a terrible liar when it came to her. Those tender chocolate orbs that sat in her face could make me crumble with just a glance.
A generic melody played annoyingly from my pocket. I flipped the phone open, Alice, of course.
"Why are you doing this?" Her voice was angry, and hurt.
"Alice, you don't understand. I'm going to end up getting her killed."
My chest fell as the words passed through my lips.
"Edward she's going to die without you!" I opened my mouth to reply but the pain in my throat was too great. "And I know that you won't be able to survive without her either!"
"I have to try."
"Edward, you're destroying everything just for the sake of being stubborn! Open your eyes and see what you're doing and all of the pain you're going to cause the both of you." Her voice was growing hysterical. "Please come home before you make the biggest mistake of your life."
"Alice…" I began. The pain that circulated through my dead veins was slowly rubbing me into the floorboards.
"Please, Edward. Don't do this." She was upset. She was going to miss Bella so much if we had to leave. Bella was the only best friend Alice had ever had. And I was about to take that away from her. She loved Bella like a sister, and more than she loved Rosalie. "Edward, I can see this. She is going to fall apart. This isn't going to do anyone any good. Please for once just listen to me!"
Her voice fell to a small whisper, "Don't do this."
I shut the phone and placed back into my pocket. My wrists rested against the fiberglass of the steering wheel as my forehead pressed into my hands. My fingers stretched through my hair.
How could I do this? Why was I doing this? What was I doing? I only had one answer.
Author's note- leave ur thoughts :)