A/N: I think I wrote this chapter six different ways before I found one that felt right. It has a little bit of everything: humor, angst, sappy romance, and of course some good old-fashioned boy-slash. Read and enjoy, and don't forget to review!
A Silly Thing Called Love—Chapter Five
"What is wrong with you?" Lily demanded, a furious spark in her emerald eyes.
James cowered against the wall, eyes wide and fearful. A pissed off Lily Evans was a deadly Lily Evans. "Um…"
"Was I speaking in tongues?" she snapped. "What part of 'James don't go up there' didn't you get? And don't you dare make a smartass remark," she warned.
James closed his mouth, shifting nervously. "Lily. Darling. Love of my life."
"Do you want to be hexed, Potter?"
Lily's eyes narrowed dangerously, and James wisely shut up. "What did I say about smartass remarks?"
They were standing in the stairwell, James hopelessly trapped between the wall and his irate, wand-wielding girlfriend. Around the corner, the common room buzzed with laughter, students crowded around the windows.
Not fifteen minutes ago, Peter had come rushing through the portrait hole, out of breath and clutching at his sides. "Look. Window."
As a whole, the students in the common room had risen and stepped towards the windows…to see Snape, Avery, and the Lestrange brothers bouncing like rag dolls over the lake, each boasting a head of brightly colored cotton candy hair, yellow and black striped skin, and fluffy pink knickers; a trio of sixth year Hufflepuffs stood at the lakes edge looking smugly triumphant.
James had taken one look and bounded off to tell Remus and Sirius, unmindful of what he might have been interrupting and heedless of Lily's outraged voice. Snivellus had just been hexed by a bunch of Hufflepuffs. How could he not tell Remus and Sirius?
"I'm sorry, alright?"
"Please," Lily scoffed, a slight twitch pulling at the corner of her mouth. "Who do you think you're fooling, Potter? When have you ever been sorry for spouting off about a good Slytherin hexing?"
James perked up hopefully, his heart rate calming as Lily tucked away her wand. "So you forgive me, then?"
"Hardly," she said dryly. "I expect a great deal of groveling and flattery before I so much as consider forgiving you for ruining all my hard work."
Slipping an arm around her waist, James pulled her forward, placing a delicate kiss on the side of her neck. "What if I did a little"—he nipped playfully at her ear—"kissing up?"
Lily smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Put in some overtime," she said, her lips brushing his jaw, "and we'll talk."
James grinned, dropping her into a theatrical dip. "Done."
Remus stood at the back of the crowd, staring pointedly at the back of Tracy Temple's head and trying hard to ignore the heat from Sirius's body. He had a strong and sudden urge to flee, to find a nice, cozy hole to curl up in for the rest of eternity—anything to escape the thick, suffocating tension.
"I think we should talk," Sirius said softly, nodding toward the portrait hole.
Remus nodded mutely, terrified of what he might blurt out if he opened his mouth. His wolf was dangerously close to the surface, which worried him more than he wanted to admit. Normally, the first week or so following the full moon was when the wolf was at its most dormant.
Stepping through the portrait hole, he followed Sirius through the corridors, keeping several steps behind to avoid all contact. He was afraid that a single touch would send his wolf over the edge, and he really didn't fancy the thought of what he might do if that happened.
Throw him to the floor and have your wicked way with him? suggested his persistently annoying inner voice.
Yes, and that would go over just swell, he thought sourly. My apologies Padfoot, but I feel I must rip all your clothes off and lick every inch of your perfect body.
What he really wanted to do was turn around and run. He really didn't want to have this conversation. What was he supposed to say? How the hell was he supposed to explain almost kissing him?
By telling the truth. It isn't as though he'll turn you away because you're in love with him.
Of course not, but…
Revealing his feelings was bound to stir up all sorts of tension and awkwardness. Sirius could never return his feelings, not in the way Remus wanted. He was notorious for his persistent lack of emotional attachment. His longest 'relationship' had lasted a staggering six day.
Remus knew that Sirius was capable of love and attachment, but also that he outright refused them. For all his confident bluster, Sirius Black was terrified of being rejected. A life lived among family that scoffed at him, that thought him an utter disappoint, had left its mark on the boastful animagus.
Sirius feared getting close, feared exposing his bruised heart, certain that the moment he did so it would be mercilessly shattered. There was an innate distrust for anyone who might love him, a needling suspicion that they only pretended in order to ridicule him for such a weakness. Like his family had done.
Remus sighed. This was why he never wanted to fall for Sirius in the first place. He wasn't ready to love, not fully, not in the way Remus needed him to.
And if he were?
Yes, but for how long? Remus thought. How long before he strayed? Before old fears resurfaced and pushed him away? Before he started to doubt?
Remus wanted forever, not for now. He refused to be just another notch in Sirius's bedpost. He wanted Sirius wholly and faithfully or not at all.
Remus stopped, looked up.
They were standing outside the Room of Requirements. The corridor was empty, quiet. A portrait of Barnabas the Barmy hung opposite the trick wall, revealing the erratic wizard trying to teach trolls to dance the ballet.
Remus forced himself to stare at that portrait, to resist the urge to turn and devour Sirius with his amber-flecked eyes, to give his wolf the pleasure of forcing its dominance. You control the wolf, he thought. The wolf does not control you.
He felt a touch to his arm and stiffened, pulling away. He didn't need to look at Sirius to know he was hurt, confused.
He followed Sirius inside, closing the door behind him.
The Room was decorated sparsely and in Gryffindor colors. A couch and chair set, coffee table, fireplace. The floor was covered in soft, thick carpet, and the ceiling was spelled to reveal a cloudless blue sky. The air held a faint touch of incense and the spicy scent of Sirius's skin. Remus swallowed hard, sitting in one of the chairs.
They sat in silence for several minutes before Sirius finally spoke, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Moony…what, uh." His gaze flickered to Remus, fell back to the floor. "Did we…? Oh, bugger all," he sighed. "We almost kissed."
Remus sat stiffly, eyes trained to a spot on the coffee table. His tongue felt like a ten pound weight in his mouth. He pressed his hands between his knees to still their trembling. I can't do this, he thought, panicking.
"Remus? Say something. Please."
Oh, god. I think I might be sick.
He was pulled back to the here and now by a hand resting on his knee. He felt the heat of Sirius's palm through his trousers. "I…yes," he said softly. "We did."
Remus almost laughed, almost answered before realizing he had even opened his mouth. His wolf was very close to breaking its chains.
"Talk to me, Moony," Sirius said, and the quiet vulnerability in those simple words nearly broke Remus's heart.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked.
"I want you to look at me for starters."
Please, don't, he thought helplessly as warm fingers gripped his chin, turning his head slowly, gently, until amber-flecked eyes met grey. Sirius stared back at him with a well of twisting emotions: hurt, confusion, inquiry, and something else. Something Remus refused to believe was there.
Sirius pushed a lock of sandy-blonde hair away from Remus's eyes, fingertips lingering against his cheek. "Why have you been so distant with me?"
"The truth, Moony."
Remus closed his eyes. The truth. He'd been trying so hard to swallow the truth, to change it and bury it away. The truth was that he was hopelessly in love with Sirius, so much so it hurt with every breath, every beat of his heart. The truth was that he craved Sirius, his touch, his smile, the scent of his skin and the heat of his body. The truth was that he needed Sirius so desperately he realized that he was willing to be just another fling, another body to satisfy his lust, if only to have him for one night.
I've surrendered my heart to you, Sirius Black. Shall we see what care you take with it?
"The truth," he repeated with a touch of irony. "Okay, Sirius. I'll give you the truth." Looking into those fathomless grey eyes, Remus swallowed and said softly, evenly, "I'm in love with you."
Sirius seemed to petrify, eyes wide and disbelieving. Did I just…did he…? He struggled to find the right words, any words, just to break the thickening silence. "You…uh."
Remus smiled sadly. "It's okay, Padfoot," he said, forcing himself to his feet, ready to flee. "You don't have to say anything."
But Sirius's hand latched on to his wrist before he could take a single step. "Sit, Moony."
Under different circumstances Remus might have been amused by Sirius's authoritative tone, his firm insistence that he sit like a good dog. As it was, he was not amused. He was terrified. But he sat obediently, eyes downcast. "You can let go now."
Sirius's hand stayed where it was, tightening just so. "Why didn't you tell me?" Remus shot him a look. "Right," he mumbled. "Stupid question. Can I ask another one?"
Remus felt his lips twitch. "You don't need my permission to ask a question, Sirius."
A subtle flush colored Sirius's cheeks, a chagrined smile on his face. "I was wondering if, um…if I could—"
"If you could what?"
"If I could kiss you."
Remus nearly recoiled in shock, the color draining from his face. "Why would you want to kiss me?"
Sirius gave him a look as if to say 'Isn't it obvious?' "I just do."
"That's not an answer."
Sirius shrugged, looked away.
"No, Sirius. You don't get to say something like that and expect me to let it go," Remus said. "It's your turn to talk to me."
"I just—" he shrugged again, looking so adorably helpless. "I like you, Moony."
Remus felt suddenly like he'd been punched in the gut. He felt his irritation peak, felt all the anger and hurt he'd been bottling up for weeks finally breach the surface. He had just handed Sirius his heart on a silver platter and he…
"You like me?" There was a growl in his voice, a dangerous flash of amber in his eyes. "Well, congratulations Padfoot. Hope that works out for you."
Run, his mind screamed. Get out of there before you say something else you'll regret.
He was halfway to the door before Sirius caught his arm.
"What the hell, Remus? What did I do to deserve that?"
"What did you do?" he snapped. "I love you Sirius and you tell me that you like me? Do you even know what that word means?"
Sirius flinched, a shattered expression settling over his features. "That's not fair."
Closing his eyes, Remus drew in a long, slow breath. Things were getting out of hand. He was letting his emotions get the better of him. "You're right," he murmured. "You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry."
Sirius smiled weakly, combing a hand through his hair. "Water under the bridge."
"No, it's not. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just…this isn't exactly easy for me."
"And I'm not exactly helping things, am I?" Sirius laughed self-consciously.
"Not your fault."
"No, it is," Sirius said. "My fault, I mean."
He pressed a finger to Remus's lips, a spark of amusement in his eyes. "Hush, Moony. I talk now."
Remus nodded mutely.
"I can see now that I said the wrong thing."
Understatement of the year.
"I agree," Sirius said with a wry grin, revealing his eerie ability to know Remus better then he knew himself. "But I think maybe I can fix that."
Do tell, Remus thought dryly.
Sirius shot him a warning look. "Don't get smart, Moony. Now. What I should have said was I—"
"Give me a second, will you?" Scrounging up the last of his Gryffindor courage, he said, "I think I might be falling in love with you."
You think you might be falling in love with me?
"I am falling in love with you."
Remus swallowed, not at all trusting his voice but needing to say something. "Can I talk now?"
Sirius nodded, refusing to meet his eye.
"Please don't be hurt by this," he said, "but are you sure you're not just…libidinous?"
Sirius snorted, flashing a small, wicked grin. "Horny, Moony. The word's horny. And I'm not. Well, I am. But not for you. I mean I am for you just not only—and I'm going to shut up now.
Remus was smiling, slightly confused. "I'm not sure whether I should feel complimented or offended by that ramble."
"I'm not saying this well at all," Sirius sighed.
"I stand corrected," Remus teased. "That was the understatement of the year."
"Can I start over?"
"By all means."
Remus was astounded, and strangely amused, by the sheer absurdity of their current situation. This was not at all how he had expected this conversation to go. Only Sirius could make him smile, make him feel comfortable, during what should have been a heartbreaking confession.
"This is not just me being horny," Sirius said. "And even if it was, you could never be a one-nighter. I know that I can love you Remus, that I do love you. I just want the chance to make you happy."
"You do make me happy. You've always made me happy," Remus said, a painful clench in his heart. "But how long before you get bored or scared or do something stupid and break my heart? I love you Sirius. I'm just not sure I'm strong enough to take the risk."
He turned away, reaching again for the door, needing to be away from Sirius and the heartbreak written so clearly across his face. But again, he was stopped by a hand wrapped around his wrist, a determined voice refusing to let him go.
"I'll never grow bored of you," Sirius said. "I can't promise I won't do anything stupid, because I probably will. I'll probably do a lot of stupid things. I can't promise I won't break your heart, because I might. What I can promise is that I'll never stop loving you. I'll never stop being amazed by you or feeling so unbelievably lucky that you would love someone like me. I want you in my life, Remus. However you'll have me."
Remus felt his resolve weakening, felt himself succumbing to the sweetness of Sirius's voice, the promise of his words. "Damnit, Sirius," he whispered. "You say things like that and make it impossible for me not to love you."
"One of my many talents," Sirius replied anxiously, heart hammering in his chest. What if Remus said No?
Seeing the nervousness etched across Sirius's face, the hope and honesty written so plainly in his eyes, Remus came to a decision. There was a good chance that things might end badly, that Sirius would end up breaking his heart, but then again…Love is a risk, Remus thought. And what would life be without love?
Smiling softly, he took Sirius's face between his hands. He was trembling, looking very unlike the boastful, confident wizard Remus had grown to know and love. He was nervous, near to a point of panic.
Remus forced his chin up, meeting his impossibly grey eyes. "Here's something I never thought I'd say to the infamous Sirius Black," he said with gentle teasing. "Relax. It's only me."
"Exactly," Sirius replied. "It's you. And me. Us."
Remus sighed, frowned. "Maybe we're moving too fast," he said, stepping away. "I want this, but if you're still unsure—"
Sirius had his arms wrapped around Remus's waist, hauling him forward into a kiss that seared through his body like a bolt of lightning. He felt his knees buckle, turning to putty, and only Sirius's arms kept him from collapsing.
He had never given much credence to the old clichés, but at that moment he understood how a kiss could burn like fire—he was consumed by the passion, the flames of Sirius Black.
Remus had always thought that a kiss was a kiss. Every kiss he'd ever shared had been nice or pleasant or decent, and after a while he had simply assumed that's how all kisses were. But Sirius kissed with a fiery, devouring passion that left Remus trembling in his arms.
"Oh, I want," Sirius whispered in his ear.
Remus sagged against him. "God," he breathed. "Kiss me like that again and you can do what you want to me."
Sirius grinned, all trace of his nervousness gone. "Now you're talking."
The Room had transformed, the couch and chairs replaced by a lush, canopied bed draped in fine, scarlet sheets. The cloudless blue sky had become a starlit night, the quarter moon shimmering faintly.
Nuzzling the crook of Sirius's neck, Remus succumbed to his wolf's desire to taste that soft, golden skin, and felt Sirius shiver as he traced his tongue along the curve of his ear.
Strong hands tugged at the buttons of his shirt, those fathomless grey eyes searching Remus's face, asking silent permission. "You don't need to ask," he said softly, pushing Sirius's shirt off his shoulders to join his own on the floor.
"God, you're beautiful," Sirius whispered, uncaring of how ridiculously sappy he sounded, knowing it was right thing to say by the shy smile and delicate flush coloring Remus's face; he had always been self-conscious about the pale scars littering his body.
Combing his fingers through Sirius's dark tresses, Remus kissed him again, that same fiery passion searing through his body like wild fire. Sirius pulled him close, hands traveling the length of his bare back. Remus moaned, thrusting against Sirius's arousal.
Sirius gasped, tearing his mouth free. "Fuck, Moony."
Remus felt a growl rise in his throat, felt his wolf pull free of its chains and howl its victory as Sirius stared hungrily at his pale chest, tracing each scar with hands and mouth.
Remus felt a whisper of magic against his skin and then…
"Did you vanish my trousers?" he asked, amusement in his voice.
"I'm no good with belts and zippers," Sirius replied against his throat, blunt teeth kneading the delicate skin.
"You're no good with vanishing either," Remus pointed out, nipping at his ear.
Sirius groaned, grinding their naked erections together, eliciting a harsh, strangled gasp. "You complaining?"
Snaking a hand between their bodies, Remus grasped Sirius firmly, loving the way he moaned and bucked against him. "Just making conversation," he said, stroking his thumb over the tip.
Sirius cried out softly, feeling his controlling slipping away. "Bed," he growled. "Now."
Remus arched an amused eyebrow at Sirius's sudden monosyllabism, but crawled obediently onto the bed, mesmerized by the way Sirius watched him with predatory eyes, sliding over him with a hungry look.
He pressed a soft kiss to the inside of Remus's thigh, looking up at him with a wicked grin.
Remus hissed, hips bucking wantonly as Sirius slid his lips over his length, a teasing finger circling his tight entrance. "Please," he gasped, pushing down on his thrusting fingers. "Sirius…"
Kneeling between his legs, staring down into those beautiful amber-flecked eyes, Sirius aligned himself and pushed forward, swallowing Remus's moan in a bruising kiss. God, he's so tight…
Remus rocked his hips encouragingly, legs wrapped around Sirius's waist as he arched upward. Sirius gritted his teeth, holding on desperately to his control as he began to move with long, slow strokes. Remus moaned and panted beneath him, fingernails raking down his back.
He felt Remus tighten around him and warmth flood his stomach, and then he was tumbling over the edge, Remus's name spilling from his lips as he came.
They lay spent and wrapped around each other for several minutes before Remus found the strength to accio his wand and perform a quick cleansing spell. Sirius pressed a sweet kiss below his jaw, a restless finger tracing abstract designs on Remus's chest.
"So," Sirius said, propping himself up on one arm, a lazy smile on his face. "Is that a Yes?"
Remus shifted onto his side, an amused quirk pulling at his mouth. "A Yes to what?" he asked.
"To whether or not you'll take a chance on me."
"No, Sirius, " he replied dryly. "I shag every bloke I plan on rejecting."
Sirius frowned. "So is that a Yes?"
Remus chuckled, pushing him onto his back. "Yes, Mr. Padfoot. It's a Yes."
"Brilliant," he grinned, pulling Remus down on top of him. "Then on with the sexing!"
Maybe things would end badly, and maybe his heart would end up broken, but with Sirius's arms wrapped around him, a beautiful smile on his perfect face, Remus realized that it was worth the risk. That Sirius was worth the risk, and as full, soft lips kissed him with such tenderness, Remus wondered why he ever questioned this silly thing called love.
A/N: Well? I'm considering a sequel (or maybe just a one-shot follow up)—I haven't decided. Review and tell me how much you loved it, LOL.