Late at night, I had a thought... it was of Gaara. What if he found someone kinda like him? Minus the demon, of course. I think, so long as they have a good reason, he'd accept them no matter what. Of course, it's going to be a love story, the perfect mix of morbid and romantic. My character, Deserai (Des-er-ay), is basically a manifestation of my feelings if I were to be doing if I were her. But I am not in her situation. This is just what I would do and how I would think if I was.
No flames because not everyone reacts the same in the same situation. You can message me via e-mail or if you wanna talk about your experiences but please don't contact me just to yell at me. I will be sorry but I will fight back because these are my feelings and I will stick with them no matter who is against me. I work hard to try to understand other people's pain and I learn from others experiences. Thanks for listening to my banter and I hope you enjoy this morbid romance.
Chapter 1: The Meeting
Sometimes, even the most popular people have to reflect upon their lives. Mine sucks. My parents didn't want children after they had them for 10 years so they abandoned my twin brother, Ritsu, and I. We live in a run-down apartment in Suna because I support both of us. I have two jobs-- one at a weapons shop that goes from 9 A.M. to 5 P.M., the other waitressing at a localbar from 7 P.M. to 12 A.M. Both jobs are on the other side of town so I get home at about 2 in the morning. My brother is a genin who's trying to become a chunin. He doesn't work in his spare time.
I'm lonely for someone besides him. I actually am planning on having kids. But who would ever want to have them with someone like me? I'm not populare, too skinny, a workaholic (not by choice), and I'm ugly. So many of my old friends have told me that so I've learned to accept it. They always said that the only way I'd get laid is if Sabaku No Gaara went to sleep and the Sukaku used his body to rape me. Totally not funny but with my luck, very probable. I've never met him or even seen him. Thus, my chances have increased dramatically.
But that's not the worst part of my life. I'm a cutter. During the nights of the full moon, after work, I go into the park on my way home and start running razor blades across my wrists. I knew that it was frowned upon by everyone but those people didn't know anything about true pain. I just wanted it to go away! But I would never commit suicide. My brother was the only thing that kept me alive. I guess the reason I want kidds is so I have more reasons to live. However, I won't stop cutting. Not even for Ritsu.
There was just something about watching my blood, my pain in liquid form, running down my arm, staining my skin crimson, that relaxed me. It made me feel almost... alive. Every other day of the month, the one's without the full moon, had me down. When I wasn't cutting, my body felt numb. Useless.
Something good did come out of cutting, though. It was during the first night of the full moon. In the park where I did my monthly "ritual." I met him.
Blood-red hair, short and messy. Cold sea green eyes. A red tattoo of the kanji "love." My arm was covered in blood and he seemed to come out of the sand itself.
"Why are you here?" a harsh voice asked softly, unemotionally.
My head shot up and my cerulean eyes locked against his sea green. His were outlined in black rings that could only be there due to lack of sleep. I couldn't breathe. My "ritual" had been seen by another and I coudl just hear his next words, asking me why I would do this to myself. Condescending words.
Caught with my cut-up wrists and my razor blad in hand, I simply shrugged. "Relieving my pain..."
He "hn"ed and sat next to me as he looked at the moon. I watched him carefully. Why wasn't he telling me off? Sure, we didnt' know eachother but did that really matter? People liked to believe they were right so if he didn't believe in cutting, he would have told her as much.
"Why are you staring at me?" the boy asked, clearly ticked off.
"Well, I... why aren't you yelling at me? Calling me stupid for cutting? You don't have any wounds that show me that you're a cutter."
He rolled his eyes. "Why should I care? You can do whatever the hell you want. If dying is what you want, I can kill you. And I'd enjoy it."
My eyes widened. He didnt' care? He wasn't going to tell me that I shouldn't cut myself? My eyes watered and a small tear slid down my face.
"Why are you crying?" he asked.
I looked away from him. I didnt' want him to see my tear. When sand crawled up my body adn moved my head toward him, I gasped in surprise and closed my eyes. He growled lightly before picking up my wrist and, when I opened my eyes, looked at the bloody slice. I would have pulled my arm away from him but the sand held me still.
Slowly, he lowered hsi head and slid his tongue across my crimson flesh, tasting my blood. My eyes widened in surprise and slight interest before trying to look away. His warm, wet muscle flet both strange and exciting. Every area of my "cleaned" skin tingled. When teh boy's tongue touched my slightly bleeding scar, I felt my body twitch at the sensation.
He must have too because he looked up at me. Blood stained his lips slightly. But I wasnt' afraid. I was... happy. I gave him a small smile and whispered, "Thank you... for accepting me."
The sand released me and he let go of my wrist. Wiping the blood with the back of his hand, he nodded. "When do you do this?"
I knew he was talkilng about my cutting. "Once a month..." That phrase reminded me of my "red river flow" so I added, "... during the three nights of the full moon."
I nodded, looking at the razor in my hand. His eyes followed mine and he took it from me. It glinted in the silver moon rays. I watched as his tongue flicked out and slid across the cold, bloody blade.
"You... really like blood, don't you?" I asked softly, clearly interested.
He looked at me carefully. "Hn..." he mumbled, returning his attention back to the blade.
Eventually, he got all of the blood off and he gave it back to me. Then he stood up and I knew he was going to leave. "Um...! Bye... what's your name?" I said quickly.
I could have smacked myself but when I looked up, I saw that he wasn't even looking at me. Instead, his beautiful, lonely eyes were fixated on the full moon, a look of remembrance in them. Pain momentarily flashed in them before he murmured, "Gaara... Sabaku No Gaara."