Big Island In The Sky
A/N: I dunno how the idea for this story came about, but I wanted to write something funny again. So this is about the dead characters of Lost, talking about the show.
"See, here, on the Big Island in the Sky, we don't EVER run out of water. And we don't have to run to the springs in the caves to get it, either. It's all just right here at our command," Shannon told him.
Charlie looked around, impressed. "I like it here a lot more. And no monsters, right?"
"No monsters on the Big Island in the Sky."
Charlie froze. "And Mikhail?"
"Yeah, he's not dead."
"Yeah, I know. I don't think he's going to die…ever…but he wouldn't come to the Big Island in the Sky, anyway. He would go to the Big Island Under Ground."
"That's funny," Charlie said. "All the journalists that talk about Lost never mention the Big Island Under Ground. Every time one of us dies, they say 'So-an-so goes to that Big Island In The Sky!' or 'So-and-so goes to Boone Hill!' What about the bad characters? Where do THEY go?"
Shannon shrugged. "Just saying that everyone goes to the Big Island in the Sky is kind of a supportive thing to make the fans of the character not go crazy. It makes them feel like the character is still around."
"How does it do that?"
"Because they're on an island still."
"In the SKY. I don't think they can get camera equipment up here. I don't think we're going back on the show."
"Hey, I came back on the show!" Boone called over, walking towards them. "I was a vision! For Locke!"
"Yeah, for about two minutes in one episode," Shannon said, rolling her eyes. "I came back, too. In Nikki and Paulo's episode. With you."
"For about two seconds. In one episode," Boone countered back.
'I see you guys are still bickering," Charlie sighed.
Boone blinked at Charlie.
"What're you doing here, man?"
"I DIED. What do you think?"
"…I watched the finale, but I thought you were still alive! JJ Abrams said you would never get killed off…you're the Hobbit! You brought in like, a huge fan base!"
Charlie sighed. "And when, exactly, was the last time you heard about JJ Abrams being associated with Lost? Like, mid-season one or something!"
"But it's in print! From the TV Guide! What jerks…they went back on their word."
Charlie shrugged. "I can see where they're coming from, though. That would've been a cheat – to keep me alive when Desmond was saying I was going to die."
Shannon frowned. "Desmond? Who's Desmond?"
Boone scowled. "Haven't you been watching? Desmond's the guy from the hatch. And season three he told Charlie he was going to die. He had like…these trippy visions."
"I don't watch it anymore. It's too confusing. I just came for that one episode they wanted me to be in during the flashbacks. Other than that, screw it. That plot sounds stupid anyway. I mean, come ON…when a character is supposedly going to die, you don't kill them off."
"It was reverse psychology," Charlie explained bluntly with a shrug. "Genius, really."
Boone blinked. "You're pretty Zen about this whole thing. What's up with you?"
"Oh, they made me be at peace with absolutely everything before I died. It hasn't worn off yet."
Charlie turned around and saw Libby coming towards him. She hugged him tightly, and then paused.
"What are you doing here?"
"I died. In the season finale."
"Oh, damn it! Why'd you tell me?!"
"I haven't SEEN the finale yet! How'd you die – WAIT – don't tell me!"
"I have it on TiVo, though. I'm going to watch it tonight."
"That finale was intense," Boone said.
"Don't talk about it! I haven't SEEN it yet."
"You can leave then! We want to talk about it!" Boone yelled.
"That's ok…" Charlie said with a shrug. "We can talk about the Grey's Anatomy finale, instead. Can you believe that they didn't get married?!"
"La la la la la!" Libby sung loudly. "I'm not listening!"
"We're not talking about Lost…" Boone said.
"I haven't seen the Grey's finale either!" Libby exclaimed. "I have it on TiVo, too!"
"Just leave and go somewhere else," Boone said, pointing down the beach. "Charlie and I want to talk about the Lost finale."
Libby scowled and left.
"Ok, so, did you get the whole 'Not Penny's Boat' thing? That's where I got lost. So Naomi really is bad?"
"Of course I got it," Charlie said, showing Boone his hand with the writing still on it. "I'm the one who TOLD Desmond."
"You didn't tell him, technically."
"I let him know, then," Charlie said with a shrug.
"Lost is so confusing. I mean, what the hell were they thinking? Now there's going to be this whole 'Not Penny's Boat' drama and YOU'RE not going to get the attention you deserve. This is bull."
Charlie shrugged. "That's ok."
"…What does it take to make you mad?" Boone asked.
"I dunno," Charlie shrugged. "I'm still at peace with everything. It was the right choice."
Boone rolled his eyes. "They screwed you up with the whole death premonition thing, man."
"Charlie! Hey baby brother!"
Charlie turned around and saw Liam, who hugged him. Charlie pulled away, shocked.
"Liam! What're you doing here?!"
"C'mon, don't you remember my line in Greatest Hits about how I wouldn't live past thirty in the state I was in?"
"Yeah, but that was a trick! See, you're the one who got married and had a baby and I'm the one who didn't live past thirty!"
"Yeah, well, the writers stick with their word. You and I are proof."
Charlie frowned. "How'd you…?"
"Remember my shrimp allergy? Yeah…I accidentally had something with shrimp sauce at this restaurant."
Charlie shook his head. "This is ridiculous. Since when did they stick with their word? Locke looked like he was about to die – he didn't. Sawyer's been shot, like, ten times! If everyone that looked like they were about to die DID die, there wouldn't be a SHOW anymore!"
"They only keep alive the A-team, Charlie," Shannon said. "If you haven't noticed that."
"The A-team?" Charlie asked.
"Yeah. That's the term we use to put all the important characters in a category. They don't die."
"…I guess I wasn't in the A-team," Charlie said.
"Nope. The A-team members are Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Locke. Sayid and Hurley are kind of on the A-team borderline. They could still kill off Sayid, but Hurley might as well be considered the A-team because he's the comic relief. He won't die," Shannon explained.
"I was comic relief!"
"Now we're getting some hostility," Boone said.
"The B-team is everyone else," Shannon said. "And people that just kind of hang out and don't do anything are called Redshirts."
"What am I called?" Liam asked.
"Oh, flashback characters don't really have a name. People call you 'Charlie's brother,' In this one book, called The Lost Chronicles, they even call you Ian Pace. It was a typo, or lack of caring, I guess." Shannon said.
"Who comes up with this stuff, anyway?" Charlie asked.
"Journalists, fans…" Boone said.
"So do you think that Sun is going to die, since she's pregnant? I mean, now that they've said she is, she has to…right?" Charlie asked Boone.
"Sun's pregnant?" Shannon asked. "Why does that mean she has to die?!"
Charlie shrugged. "Should've been watching the show."
A/N: I hope you liked it. Let me know if I should write more. Notice how the characters are based kind of after fans and how they act. There's the person who stopped watching, and the person who freaks out when you talk about it around them when they haven't watched a certain episode yet…yeah. I thought it would be fun to do.
Please, let me know if I should continue this and if you have any ideas for further chapters!