I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters.

Chapter 1

Ed got out of the car, suitcase in hand and looked at the rather large imposing house in front of him. His mind still couldn't believe the situation he was in.

It was ridiculous.


Yet here he was standing in front of Colonel Mustang's house. He was about to go up the sidewalk, into the man's house and live with the bastard as his own personal slave.

He couldn't fucking believe it.

Well it wasn't as if he had any choice in the matter. It was blackmail pure and simple.

It had been yesterday afternoon when Hughes told them certain people in the military had found out about Al not having a human body. General Basque Grand was pressuring the Furer to make Alphonse property of the military so he could do experiments on him. Grand was the last person on the planet Ed wanted to have anything to do with Al. Mustang had generously agreed to intervene, using his influence to send Al away and keep him away from Grand.

Everyone had been so relieved, including Ed. He'd found it hard to believe that Mustang would ever put his career on the line like that for him and his brother. It was only afterwards when he and Mustang were walking out of the office alone that Ed found out that the bastard colonel really wasn't being generous at all.

"I'm not doing this for free, Fullmetal," the Colonel had said smirking at him. "I do expect some compensation. After all, the law of equivalent exchange must be satisfied."

"What do you want?" Ed had asked confused.

"Hmmm…how about you come and live with me and be my personal slave," Mustang had answered. "That shouldn't be too much to ask." Then the bastard had walked away laughing leaving a stunned Edward standing in the hall.

So what choice did he have but to agree or Al would end up in the hands of General Basque Grand.

Be his personal slave – the fucking bastard. He was lower than Ed ever imagined taking advantage of the situation like this.

He still couldn't believe it.

Still it was for Al and Ed had been through a lot worse situations. He got through them and he'd get through this. Eventually he'd find the Philosopher's Stone and the problem would just disappear when Al's body was restored.

He took a deep breath, strode up the walk and rang the bell.

After a few moments the door opened. Roy Mustang stood there dressed casually for his Saturday off in a short sleeved shirt and pants holding a newspaper. He had the nerve to look surprised to see Ed standing there.

Ed pushed his way past him.

"Fullmetal, I wasn't expecting you…" Roy began as Ed put his suitcase down and turned to glare at him. "….until this afternoon."

Ed folded his arms across his chest. "Well I'm here now," he said sulkily.

Roy shut the door, still seeming at a bit of a loss. "I can see that," he said. "Well, I'll show you where you can put your things." He turned then and Ed picked up his suitcase again following him down the hall.

Mustang showed him to a bedroom at the end of the hallway. It had an unmade bed covered in piles of suits and winter coats. There were stacks of papers, files and boxes of junk everywhere behind which Ed could see a dresser and a closet.

Roy waved his hand at all the stuff, saying "You can have this room. I mostly use it for storage. There are blankets and sheets for the bed in the hall closet. The bathroom is the first door on the right. Make yourself at home." Then he turned around and left.

Ed looked at the room in disbelief. What a pigsty! The bastard couldn't even give him a decent room to sleep in? He put his suitcase down, took off his coat and went to work.

An hour later, Ed was surveying the room with satisfaction. With some good old fashioned sweat and a little alchemy the room finally looked livable. He dusted off his hands and wandered out in to the house to find Mustang. He found him curled up in a large chair still reading his paper.

Ed cleared his throat to get his attention. Roy looked up at him.

"What now?" Ed asked peevishly looking at Mustang expectantly.

"Now?" the colonel echoed looking around him. His eye stopped on his empty coffee cup. "Hmmm…how about something to eat? The kitchen is right through there." He pointed at an archway and went back to reading his paper.

Ed went into the kitchen to find it even more of a mess. It looked like the dishes hadn't been done for a month. The garbage was overflowing with all kinds of take out containers. The floor was a dull grey covered with crumbs and spills. There was a partial transmutation circle on the stove and the wall beside it looked a bit charred. Ed shuddered almost afraid to open the fridge. Thankfully there wasn't much in it. A few jars of pickles, some milk, a partial carton of eggs and some green fuzzy objects that Ed guessed were once some kind of vegetable.

Ed shook his head. How could anyone live like this? There was no way he could cook in this disaster. He rolled up his sleeves and started cleaning. By the time he was finished the place was gleaming. He had the coffee percolating, the eggs done and was just buttering the toast when Mustang wandered in.

"How much longer is it…going…to…be?" Roy asked stopping and looking around the room in amazement when he came in. "Wow! I don't think I've ever seen the place look this..."

"Clean?" offered Ed as he cut the toast in half and put it on a plate.

Mustang smirked at him. "I can see its going to be useful having you around, Fullmetal." He looked at the shiny floor. "White? The floor is white?"

"Yes. Who would've known?" answered Ed handing him a plate. "I finished fixing the stove too."

"Really? You are a busy little alchemist, aren't you?"

Ed glared at him. "Little? LITTLE? Calling me a tiny insignificant little microbe!?!? Is that anyway to thank me for all my hard work here?" he fumed.

"Thank you? Fullmetal you're forgetting this is equivalent exchange. You're doing all of this so Alphonse remains under my protection. Wasn't that the agreement? You do whatever I say - I keep Al safe?" Roy asked smugly.

"Yes," admitted Ed bitterly his anger deflating.

"Don't forget my coffee then. Black," Mustang said biting into his toast and chewing it as he looked in amazement around the room. "I will admit though the place has never looked better."

Edward brought his coffee to him and then sat across from him with his own plate, still sulking as he ate.

Mustang appeared not to notice. "And who would've thought you could cook too," he said as he ate. "I think this afternoon you should work in the yard. The grass needs cutting. The hedge needs trimming. I'm sure you can find plenty to do. I brought some work home from the office so I'll be doing that."

He finished eating, drained his coffee then got up to pour himself a refill. "Oh and don't forget the dishes and whatever else," he added vaguely before walking out leaving his dirty dishes on the table.

Ed was still fuming. What a complete asshole. He couldn't even take the dishes five feet to the sink! Would it have killed him? But he guessed that if you had a SLAVE to do it, why would you? He got up cleaned up after their meal and went to work outside.

The yard had been a disaster as he expected. There was more than enough to keep him busy. He took out his anger out on the lawn and the hedges. Even though he wasn't much of a gardener the yard looked a damn site better than how he'd found it. He went inside hot, sweaty and in need of a cool drink. He had to settle for water and once he'd quenched his thirst, he went to find Roy.

He finally found him in what looked like might be a den. On a low table there were military papers spread out, a black fine tipped marker lying across them. There was also a glass of amber colored liquor with half melted ice floating in it. Next to the table was a large rather comfortable couch on which Roy lay sleeping. He was snoring softly.

Ed felt his anger rising. The man couldn't even sign a few papers! He had to be the laziest person on the planet. He grabbed the drink and downed it on an impulse. The alcohol burned his throat and he shuddered as he swallowed. Then a wave of warmth washed over him. Ed picked up the pen. He had half a mind to scribble all over the papers lay strewn about but realized there was no point to it. It would only give the bastard a reason to put off doing his work longer.

Then writing on the pen itself caught Ed's eye. The words "permanent marker". An evil look spread across his face, he went and knelt down next to Roy. He looked so peaceful, so innocent, so easy to write on. Ed uncapped the pen and considered his options. Finally he decided on cat whiskers.

Roy was quite cooperative, lying there quietly gently breathing and holding perfectly still. Ed bit his lip as he drew, concentrating. He was careful to get the whiskers even. After all he didn't want it to look stupid.

He capped the pen and stood up to admire his work. It was perfect.

Just then Roy's eyes fluttered open. "Fullmetal?" he inquired sleepily. "What are you doing?"

"Oh I finished the yard," Ed answered smiling sweetly. "I just thought maybe I might be able to help you with your paper work." He held up the pen.

Mustang sat up and rubbed his face with his hands. Ed was happy to see none of the whiskers smudged. "No time for that now. I have a date tonight. What time is it?" Roy asked as he craned his neck to look at a clock on the wall behind him. "Five thirty. I guess I'll go take a shower."

"Okay," Ed agreed with a silly smirk on his face and sat on the couch. He heard Roy head down the hall and close the bathroom door. Then the sound of running water. Ed decided he was a bit sleepy himself and lay down on the couch.