For those of you who know the stories I've written so far, I can't say whether or not you'll recognize this style. I don't think I use it often. You'd also know that I haven't been on fanfiction for like...a year, maybe?? lol. Hey, the schoolyear's out, and I finally have free time, so yay for not being swamped with physics. So yeah, I look back on the writing I did last year and stick out my tongue with disgust at it's averageness. I still like my subject matter, but it just seems completely and poorly written. Ick.
Also if you've read anything else of mine you'd know that this is my first Harry Potter fic. Yessss. I'm a wreched and accursed HPfic newbie. So live with it. I can only get better if I have a starting point, okay??
So bear with me, be honest in your criticisms, but please keep it kind, so not as to scare me into forever excluding myself from the HPfic world.
Do you know why I hate Diagon Alley? Because it's so frightfully easy to get kidnapped in. When I say "kidnapped", I mean stolen, taken away, vanishing from the spot you were a millisecond before, without anyone noticing. It's surprisingly easy to do in Diagon Alley. And you'd think that, with all those administrators, wizards, and parents strolling about as they pick up their tike's school supplies, some of those shady warlocks would know better than to try anything that stupid.
First of all, I do take the blame for it. I mean, my curiosity really has gotten to be a problem. It certainly hasn't lead me into any…safe situations in the past, and it only endangers either myself, Harry, or Ron. But do I ever listen to that perfectly understandable left part of my brain that tells me to get my arse out of there? Of course not. I always have to check. Why do I always have to check? Harry didn't ask me to go looking for information on his little horcruxes. I volunteered for it. Well, scratch that. I didn't exactly tell him that I'd be helping him out by sneaking around in shady places like Nocturne Alley. And I had good reason, too. He would have gotten all protective and everything, saying how I could get seriously hurt, injured, or kidnapped.
Well, congratulations Harry, one of your symptoms of paranoia has finally paid off. But did I listen? Why didn't I listen!? Oh, he's going to be so mad at me. Mad for endangering myself. Mad at himself for letting me endanger myself. He didn't even want Ron and I to help him at all with this whole horcrux thing, just so that the two of us would stay out of harm's way…
Now I feel bad.
Not that getting abducted in the first place made me all cheery and bubbly inside. Especially when your abductor is none other than Lucius Malfoy. I don't know what it is about him that creeps me out. I hate Draco to the point of homicide, but his father…he has something about him that just…makes looking him in the eye the very last thing I'd want to do.
And it's not like I was lured into some clever little trap by him, either. I wasn't like some raccoon that became magnetically awed by shiny colors and goggled across a trail of glitter into a dark and suspicious corner before being trapped by a giant box triggered with string. Very much the opposite. It was me and my determined will to help Harry. I love the boy. I'll say it now. I'd do anything for him, and I'm pretty sure he knows it. Which is probably why he didn't want Ron or me on this little Voldemort escapade. And he probably knew I was going to pull a stunt like this, too.
Why don't I listen? I follow the rules all the time; why can't I do it now, when "the rules" are the ones which ensure my survival into the next day? Those rules some would call streetwise common sense, but to others who think bravery is more powerful than the odds against them, this common sense has no meaning, and their string of boundaries become thinner and thinner with each passing death that happens to those they know and love.
It's sad, really, how such sadness and pain can lead to such a loss of reason. I mean, look at me! It's way too late for me to be pondering how I could have handled this better. I acted stupidly and naively. We all do it, don't we? Can't Lucius cut me some slack? I wasn't bothering him! Not snooping, not researching, not delving into the possibilities which a certain object could be potent, and of course I wasn't memorizing the faces of every shady trader on the lane, no! I wasn't looking for any trouble, and definitely wasn't looking to draw attention to myself. Especially not to him.
And even though my last attempt at finding information at Nocturne Alley was…a little less than a miserable failure, I was somehow confidant that I could find some sort of important revelation regarding these stupid horcruxes. Wrong again. Is optimism really an ally to me in this case? I'm starting to think it really isn't. Was it wrong to want to find just an inkling of a clue to Harry's puzzle, to see his face light up in the way it only does when he's beginning to figure something out that we'd never thought of before? How can that be wrong? How can you blame me for trying?
Lucius didn't blame me for trying.
Oh God. Don't make me think about it. Please don't. He's so smug with his 'pureblood this' and his 'mudblood that', I wonder why in all this world he felt the need to put my life in his cold hands. Well, it's not too hard to figure out, I guess. The best friend and possible girlfriend of the Boy Who Lived, I mean come on….I suppose some attack on my life or Ron's was to be expected. But now? Of all times, now?? Ugh, leave it to a Malfoy to ruin your life in just the right moment.
And him! Why was he the death eater on the prowl on Nocturne Alley that night? Why couldn't it be someone a little more on the…Crabbe and Goyle side? Someone who would be a little less aware that a Hogwarts student was nosing her way through a dark arts market? But no. It had to be him.
I've seen the way he's looked at me before. His stare is one of those kinds that make you want to fold your arms even more closely around your chest, even though you already have tons of layers on. A stare that tells you that he's undressing you with his eyes. If there's anything I hate it's the defenselessness of a person to someone else's mind. I can't change what sick fantasies he conjures for himself, no matter how much I try to physically cover what he already can't see. It's sickening, and more than anything, it scares me. He has that demeanor about him that says that he's raped a woman before, is proud of it, and would do it again. It used to enrage me, but when you're subjected to that very stare, especially when he has you cornered and you know you can't get away, you don't only begin to wonder, you know you're his only concern.
Yes, he somehow managed to get me into some dark corner, then stunned me. I guess I wasn't much better than that raccoon after all. He looked at me with that terrible smile, and pointed his wand directly at my face. I didn't even hear the incantation before my whole world went black.
I said I didn't want to talk about it. But I guess I'll have to now, since I have no idea where I am, no idea what's going to happen to me, and I pray to God Lucius isn't there when I open my eyes.
I won't be as bad at updating this time. Promise. Reviewwww!! It makes me happy!