SNAFU
Situation Normal: All Fucked Up


Normally Roy loved hanging out with the Titans, first or second team. Even the third team, the younger crew. It reminded him of better times gone by.

Of course, 'normal' only applied in his own universe. Somehow, someway, the Fearsome Five (mainly Jinx) had opened up a portal and he'd been dumped into another universe. It was strangely…bright. And the Titans were pretty odd, almost caricatures of their hero selves.

One thing this universe had going for it: the alternate version of himself sure dressed better than he had during his Titans' days. Though how his original team had ended up split between two teams, and a lone hero, Roy didn't know. Here, Speedy had ended up on the Titans East with Bumblebee, Aqualad and Mas y Menos, while Vic, Gar, Raven and Kory had ended up on the original team. Kid Flash was off doing his own thing, and as far as he'd been able to find out, Wonder Girl didn't even exist.

Still, for all their weirdly nostalgic mannerisms, the 'original' Titans had been willing to take in a poor dimensionally castoff hero, so Roy couldn't really complain.

But after a week living with them, Roy was about to go insane. Starfire had a pet mutant silkworm that was just plain creepy, and her personality was like his Kory's but on crack. Beast Boy was a vegetarian, and acted like an immature idiot – even more so than he ever had in his universe – and Cyborg was obsessed with his car. Raven was more sarcastic than he'd ever seen her, though the purple hair was kinda cool, and Robin was even more like Batman than his Nightwing. He was pretty sure the alternate-Robin hadn't ever taken off his mask in public, for Christ sake's.

He also hadn't stopped trying to find a way to return Roy back home, which paid off eight days, sixteen hours and four minutes after Roy first dropped out of the swirling blue vortex into the rooftop pool of Jump City's Titans' Tower. Now there was another swirling blue vortex, through which Roy could see the inside of the Outsider's HQ. As the portal had first started expanding from a dinner-plate sized hole, no one had been visible on the other side. Then Indigo had shown up, neon-pink eyes widening, quickly followed by her lips. She'd disappeared, and then quickly reappeared with Shift in tow. Word had spread after that, and now everyone save Nightwing was over there.

"Well…I guess this is so long," Roy said, running a hand over his hair and smiling ruefully at the gathered teens. In truth, while it had been a crazy week, he'd had fun seeing nostalgia for the old days warped and turned on its head.

"Yeah," Beast Boy agreed, grin wide as a shark's, but much less scary. "It was great to have you here, dude."

"Ditto, man," Cyborg said, giving him a thumbs-up.

Speedy just sulked in the corner. The news that day had had a segment of some kid whose cat he rescued from a tree calling him 'Robin' and that was just the topper to a really bad week. Roy might have been driven crazy by the antics of the teens, but Speedy was nearly rivaling Trigon for anger at how much his supposed 'friends' seemed to like his alternate self.

And Speedy was sure they like Arsenal better than him.

With a final shake of Robin's hand – and a rib-crunching hug from Starfire – Arsenal went through the portal, landing neat as a cat on the other side.

Arsenal's friends barely got a chance to welcome him back before they were interrupted.

"Daddy!" a high-pitched voice squealed. The shout was followed by the sound of small feet running closer, and soon a dark-haired little girl in pink overalls and a flowered T-shirt entered the room.

Roy grinned. "Etai yazi…" he said, and knelt, holding his arms open.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy!" Lian shouted, throwing herself into her father's arms. "You gots losted," she scolded him, clinging tightly to Roy as he stood up, his daughter held tightly in his arms.

"I know, sweetheart, and I'm sorry…" Roy said, murmuring comforting words to his daughter. He didn't even notice the dumbfounded expressions of shock on the faces of the otherworld Titans still looking through the portal at them.

"I have a kid?" Speedy mouthed.

"Apparently," Raven replied, then smirked. "I can't believe you spawned."

Speedy's angry retort was cut short by the portal starting to close, cutting off his words past, "Speaking of spawn, you're one to t–"

"Don't do it again, okay?" Lian demanded, turning tear-filled eyes towards him.

Roy wanted to promise her, but he knew he couldn't. Being a superhero was dangerous, after all. "I'll try very hard not to get lost again, princess, I promise."

"You better." She scowled into his neck, voice muffled by his hair.

Beast Boy giggled at the little girl; Speedy might tout himself as a ladies' man, but himself as a fly on the wall knew better. The guy got henpecked by every girl he dated, and this just proved it. Luckily Speedy was so caught up in his argument with Raven that he didn't hear the green one's laughter.

Robin had just finished breaking up Raven and Speedy's fight when Nightwing showed up on the other side of the portal. He turned to survey the two with interest, wondering if this was an omen for the future days of the Titans.

Nightwing shook his head at his partner. "Bowhead, where have you been?"

"Another universe, 'Wing; sorry, must've taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque," Roy replied unrepentantly, as he let Lian down. She ran over to the portal, careful not to touch it as her Aunty Indigo had warned her. She started unabashedly at the other Titans, and they in turn, eyed her right back.

"Yeah, well, next time check the map, okay?" Nightwing scolded him

"Will do, Boy Wonder."

Grinning, Nightwing said, "Good," and moved in for the kiss.

The last sight the other Titans saw – behind Lian – before the portal finished closing was Nightwing pulling Arsenal in for a long liplock.

Even Raven couldn't think of anything to say. Speedy, however… "I'm with him?!" Speedy glanced back and forth frantically between the portal and Robin. Robin looked equally as off-put.

Beast Boy just laughed and laughed, since it actually made sense; Speedy would probably rather hook up with a guy than be henpecked all his life.

Nightwing pecked definitely worked for Arsenal. "Mmm," Roy said as the kiss finally ended. He looked around, noting that only Indigo and Lian remained, the one taking readings of the portal sight and the other waiting impatiently for her two fathers to finish saying hello.

"Yeah," Dick said with a slow smile, before her reluctantly pulled back to a more sedate distance. There was a child present, after all; their child. "So those were us?" he asked, gesturing towards Indigo.

Roy nodded, and, unable to resist Lian's pout a moment longer, bent down to pick her up.

Dick blinked. "Huh."

Roy just nodded. That had been pretty much his reaction, too. "They looked weird," Lian opined. Then her nose scrunched up. "But I liked the other you's costume."

"Me too, baby," Roy told her.

Dick just gave Roy a look filled with innuendo, as he could remember a time when Roy had worn that costume, or something similar. Playing dress-up in their old suits was a rather large part of their sex life, and that costume was the only one of Roy's to have both gloves and easy access.

Except for the first one, and getting Roy to wear it was more difficult than getting Dick in the original Robin costume. "Bet you're glad to be back home, where things are normal, hmm?" Dick said.

Roy brayed a laugh at that, and hugged Lian close, throwing an arm over Dick's shoulder as they walked towards the exit. "Can't say much for normal, short pants, but at least I'm used to the weirdness."

Lian hugged his neck and said, "Weird is home."

Which pretty much summed it up.


THE END