Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Note: Italics is present. Please read 'White Wedding' in order to understand what's going on.
Who's Crying Now
One love feeds the fire, One heart burns desire
I wonder, who's cryin' now
Two hearts born to run, Who'll be the lonely one
I wonder, who's cryin' now - Journey
"Pregnant?" Dean stated in disbelief.
Julie nodded and sniffed. Her eyes puffy and face blotchy from incessant crying spells.
"Is it mine?" He said looking up timidly to meet her eyes.
"I'm not sure." She whispered. "It could be his. Even though we drifted apart, we still slept together occasionally." Jacob liked to pretend that they were somewhat a normal couple, contrary to reality.
"When does the doctor think it was conceived?" Dean cringed when he heard his sentence repeated over in his head. He called the baby 'it', not knowing whether or not she carried his unborn daughter/son.
"After we started hanging out. But it still doesn't-"
"You were sleeping with both of us." He finished her thought for her. He knew he had no right to be angry. Julie said she wasn't ready to end things with her husband and Dean continued to see and sleep with her. In fact, Julie said she understood if Dean wanted to see other girls while they were hooking up. He thought it was a nice notion, but he could never see himself with another girl while he had Julie in his bed.
She nodded to confirm the already known answer. They sat across from each other in the restaurant booth not speaking. Both found it hard to make eye contact. "How would you feel if it was yours?" She said meekly.
"I'd be excited and I'd be there for you."
"What if I said, regardless of who is the father, I want an abortion?"
"Can I be open and honest with you?" She nodded. "I don't condone that type of thing. As a man I know I'll never know what it's like to make such a big decision but personally, I don't like the idea. But I cannot stop a woman from making a decision about her own body." She had hoped Dean would help make her decision, but he had straddled the fence.
"So, what do we do now?" She had no idea where to go from there. This was not something she could ignore or sweep under a rug. Whether she liked it or not, she was going to have to make a decision that would change her life.
"It's up to you." He said taking her hand from across the table. "You should probably start with telling him about what's been going on."
They sat in silence as the waitress filled their glasses with water. After a few moments Julie found the courage to speak again. "At first, I thought it might have been cancer because there's a family history." She said shaking her head.
Indianapolis, Indiana - 6 months ago
Julie couldn't face reality. Instead, she did what she thought was the right thing to do. She got married and pretended her run-in with Dean never happened.
When she received the invitation to the baptism of Fulton and Tammy's son, Dylan, she knew she couldn't hide anymore. She figured it would be common courtesy to attend after they had all come to her and Jacob's wedding. However, she knew Dean would more than likely be the god-father and speaking to him would be inevitable.
She hadn't faced him since refusing to leave her fiancée for him. Her entire honey-moon was spent guilt-ridden, wondering if her husband suspected anything and whether Dean would ever look at her again. She didn't seem him during the ceremony and gave up when she couldn't find him at the reception. She had pulled Fulton aside and asked him, but he stated that he hadn't seen Portman in months.
Packing up her luggage she prepared to drive to Minnesota.
Julie had made it to her hotel in time to change before she was supposed to be at the church. She had made up her mind to avoid Dean. If he tried to talk to her about the wedding, she would simply tell him this wasn't the time nor the place to talk.
Walking up to the building she realized it was probably a basilica, not a simple church. Julie assumed the entire idea was Tammy's because Fulton never struck her as the religious type. Marrying his childhood sweetheart had drastically changed Fulton for the better.
Julie could remember how he and Dean would slack off and party as much as possible in highschool. They were known for pushing the limit as to how much they could get away with. Connie had once told Julie how Fulton had been cited by his R.A. for his incessant partying and disregard for the rules. She wasn't surprised to learn that Dean was still his partner in crime.
She was able to sneak into the back pew, without having people notice. Once she settled into her seat she couldn't help but notice how times had changed. Fulton and Dean were no longer those rowdy, outspoken teenagers she knew. Both of them were dressed properly and conducted themselves accordingly. She spotted Tammy's sister, Jamie, and Dean standing next to the priest. Tammy and Fulton stood on the other side holding their son as the priest recited.
It was mind-blowing how a marriage could change things.
"What do you ask of God's Church?" The priest queried.
Dean and Jamie both replied, "Faith."
Taking the Easter candle the priest said, "Receive the light of Christ."
Julie watched in marvel as Dean lit the baby's candle. He looked so paternal and responsible during the ceremony. What she found so appealing about him was the way he knew exactly when and how to react. She figured it was rehearsed, but it still struck a certain chord with her.
"You have been entrusted with this light so it will be kept burning brightly. Having been enlightened by Christ..." Julie tuned out the rest as she watched the happy couple beam with pride. Dean looked extremely proud and clapped a hand on Fulton's shoulder at the end of the celebration. The priest congratulated the parents and shook hands with everyone involved.
Julie watched as Dean posed for pictures with Fulton and the others. She hoped he wouldn't spot her and try to start a conversation. Just then a tall, brunette joined in the photos with Dean. She was tan, thin and strikingly good-looking. Julie presumed she was Italian from her features. Dean stood with the beautiful girl and new god-son, initially unaware that Julie was watching. He was so wrapped up in the commotion and excitement.
She decided to slip out before anyone had time to approach and ask her about her marriage. There would be plenty of time for that at the party.
Fulton and Tammy Reed's house - Minnesota
Dean watched her enter the room with Tammy. She had on a simple white blouse, nice jeans and what he could identify as a Louis Vuitton pouchette on her shoulder. He normally hated high-maintenance girls, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't hate her.
"Jules, I love your shoes!" Connie said as the trio formed an all-girls circle.
"Are those Jimmy Choos!?" Tammy exclaimed.
"Yeah." She said nonchalantly. "Hope you don't mind, I brought my own." She said holding up a box of Black Box Wine. "Nothing says class like boxed wine."
"You said it."
"I figured now that the baby is born, you could use a few drinks." She said turning to Tammy.
"Damn, I'm going to have to marry a rich real estate dealer." Connie said as she and Tammy fawned over their friend. Julie seemed unaware of this and was less interested in talking about clothes.
Besides the obvious, she looked different to him. At first he couldn't put his finger on it, but after watching her interact with the other two girls she seemed to stick out from the others of the group. Although she smiled and laughed with the two other women, he couldn't help but notice she looked tired and worn-out. And as usual, she was unaware of how beautiful she really was.
"I'll be lucky if I can ever wear nice shoes again. When I was pregnant with Dylan my feet swelled up for months." Tammy said filling a glass for each other them.
Dean figured this was the perfect time to pull her aside. He got up and walked over to the group of former female ducks. "Hey ladies, would you mind if I stole her from you." He said putting a hand on Julie's forearm. He could feel her flinch under his touch.
"If you must." Connie said nonchalantly filling her glass to brim.
"Thanks." He said pulling her away from the group. He lightly tugged on her arm, forcing her to follow him without causing a scene. He was discreetly leading her into the family den off to the side. Julie followed silently, unsure of how to react.
Dean shut the door behind them and Julie remained standing. "Look Jules, I just wanted to come out and say there are no hard feelings." He didn't exactly sound warm and inviting and his eyes couldn't meet hers, but it was far better than she thought it would be. He didn't seem angry or hurt, just uncomfortable.
She nodded, "Thanks, Dean. I appreciate it."
He nodded and turned away from her. "We should really catch up sometime." It sounded forced and insincere. It was something people said when they felt obligated to be polite. It was the 'let's say we'll get together but never do it' conversation.
"I'd like that." She said playing along.
"Charlie, Connie, Russ and I are going out tonight for drinks, you should come." He said stoically.
Julie had decided to join the small group for drinks after Connie had pleaded with her. She figured there was no harm in going, and Dean couldn't corner her again in such a public place.
"You'll have to bring Jacob next time." Connie said taking a sip of her Manhattan.
"Yes." Julie agreed plainly. The entire evening was spent trying to make small talk with the friends she hardly knew anymore. She didn't think anyone suspected any foul play between her and Dean but the tension was thick in the air.
"How are you two newly weds doing?" Dean asked facing Julie. No one else recognized the menacing tone in his voice. Even though he had come to her with a truce earlier, Julie could feel the anger as he spoke.
"Great. We're settled in our new house and everything's wonderful." She said trying to ignore the cynicism in his voice for the sake of their friends. "Is there a special lady in your life I should be meeting?" She said trying to prevent anymore awkward silences.
"No, you've already met Mama Portman." Mrs. Portman was a large Italian woman who always urged her son to bring his girlfriend over for Sunday dinner. Although she didn't come from an Italian family, Julie had been a favorite among the females in the Portman family.
"What about that girl I saw at the Baptism. She was quite attractive." Julie offered without a hint of jealousy or malice.
"Adriana? She's just a family friend, not my girlfriend." He said casually.
"I haven't heard that one before." Julie said sarcastically rolling her eyes.
"Honestly, we're not together." Dean said as the rest of their friends looked at each other in bewilderment.
"Bet you've slept with her." Dean remained silent. Julie smiled triumphantly and took another sip of her Cosmo. Here he was trying to make her feel bad when he had probably moved on months ago.
"It was a one time thing." He finally said looking down at the beer bottle he was cradling in his hands.
"Of course it was."
"So Julie, where are you living now?" Connie interrupted, trying to ease the tension between the two.
"Indianapolis. We also just bought a summer home on the lake. Very nice, quiet area. Beautiful shore."
"Indianapolis? You're just next door to Portman in Chicago!" Charlie said happily. Connie nudged him under the table and tried to change the subject.
"So Fulton and Tammy having kids, bout time, right?"
"Definitely." Russ agreed trying to move the conversation along.
"Those two have been in love with each other since our pee-wee days." Charlie stated.
Julie ignored Dean for the rest of the night as punishment for his taunting speech. She spent the rest of the night talking to Connie and Charlie who were seated closer to her and made Dean regret his scornful behavior. She could see he was no longer interested in hanging out with the group. He had order six drinks to their two or three, and it was going to catch up with him.
Eventually, last call came and went. They all said their parting good-byes outside of the bar. After spending the night, Julie was exhausted. She hugged Connie and they vowed they would try to keep in touch. The group had dwindled down and Julie said her final good-byes. As she headed towards her car she heard someone call her name.
She didn't have to turn to know it was Dean's footsteps that were running to catch up with her. He overtook her while she was walking between the rows of cars. His large hand slipped into hers and pulled her body close to his. It was so unexpected that she didn't have the chance to fight or struggle.
He savagely pushed her up against a random automobile, crushing her body between him and a rusty pick-up truck. The force of his body slamming into hers caused a jolt of excitement. Her blue eyes were wild with excitement as he spoke.
"Babe, I'm sorry I was such a jerk. I missed you." It was obvious from his voice that the drinks had taken their toll on him. His body was positioned between her legs as his lips met her pale skin. He was no longer the indifferent or angry guy from the beginning of the night. He laid kisses down the nape of her neck as she unconsciously snaked her arms around his neck to pull his as close as possible.
Adrenaline pumping, both of them got lost in the moment. He could feel her nipples harden beneath her shirt in anticipation. He smiled, realizing how it was nice to see that some things never changed. He gruffly tugged at her blouse to untuck it from her pencil-skirt, opening some of the buttons in the process.
"It's like riding a bicycle, you never forget." He whispered reaching his hands up under her blouse. She jumped at his touch and realized what he had planned. He always seemed to have that type of control over her. No matter what was going, it seemed like she was always under his spell.
Julie tried to push him off of her. "You're drunk!" She struggled against him but he outweighed her by at least fifty pounds. His hands were now gripping onto her forearms, forcing her arms down to her sides.
"That's supposed to stop us?" He said slurring his s's.
She tried again, struggling to get free from his hold. "I'm married, in case you forgot. I love him." Her face was slightly flushed from all of the excitement and anger.
He finally released her arms. "You don't have to remind me, but maybe you should send yourself a memo, Princess." He said rubbing the back of his index finger against her cheek. He turned his back to her and started to walk away. "Say 'hello' to your husband for me." He refused to even speak his name.
2 weeks later
"Tammy, I need to know Julie's address in Michigan." Dean said hoping his cell phone wouldn't die.
"Why don't you call and ask her yourself?" She said sensing something was amiss.
He sighed. "We had a fight and I just wanted to send her some flowers and try to smooth things over."
"A fight? About what?"
"It was about something stupid that happened during highschool. There were some pretty vicious rumors going around and I think she found them hard to ignore. Anyway we ended up saying some things we both regret and I just don't want any tension between us" He hated lying to his friends, but he was not going to explain how they had almost hooked up again.
He wasn't sure if she bought his story but she gave up the address and Dean thanked her. Although he was hoping to fix things with his ex, he didn't plan on sending her flowers.
Dean pulled his SUV up the curb of a large house. He put the car in park and looked in awe at the massive building in front of him. It was an extremely large house for two people. He got out of the car and slowly made his way up to the door. He finally brought himself to ring the bell after a few minutes of debating whether he should leave or not.
Julie opened the door, "Dean?"
"Can we talk?"
She allowed him in and behaved like a perfect hostess. She grabbed them a few glasses of wine and Dean apologized profusely for his behavior, blaming the alcohol and a recent breakup. He wasn't sure if she actually believed him, but she accepted his apology and they went on as if the incident never happened.
"It's good to see you smile." He said setting his glass down.
"Thanks Dean, that means a lot."
"So seriously, is he taking good care of the Princess?" Dean said filling her glass to the brim.
"He's doing his best to." She said.
"He better. If he slacks off at all, let me know."
"Truth is, he's always busy with work. He's never really home. And when he is home he's not really there. I can't be angry, I knew this would happen before I married him."
"It sounds like he works hard for the both of you." Dean offered.
Julie nodded, "He does." She took another sip. "But having wealth isn't any good unless you have someone to share it with." She swished her wine glass around. "You were right Dean, he could never possibly love me the way you could. You don't have to say 'I told you so.'" She was now crying hard, her body starting to shake.
"Jules, I still...it doesn't make me happy to hear this." He said unsure of what to say. He reached forward and pulled her into his arms for a hug.
"I was such a fool!"
Dean shook his head, "Have you told him how you felt?"
"I've brought it up before, but he always says that everything he does is for me. I tell him that I don't want him to think I take him for granted but I don't like being left alone all of the time. We both get frustrated, argue and it usually ends with us not speaking for days."
She shook her head and laughed bitterly, "This doesn't make you feel at all better?"
"Well maybe the fact that I was right. But seeing you miserable makes me miserable. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy." He kissed the top of her forehead.
"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I had left with you?"
He wanted to tell her he had thought about that afternoon every day since it happened. "I don't know. Does it matter, Jules? You can't go back in time so there's no point in dwelling."
"I do." She rested her head against his chest. "We would have run off and I wouldn't have wasted six months with a man who is never around." She hadn't planned on revealing all of her dirty laundry to him, but after several glasses of wine her inhibitions were low. His hands playing with her hair didn't help matters. "During the entire ceremony all I could think of was you. It was like old times, wrapped in each others' arms and holding on for dear life. That was the best sex of my life." She confessed.
"Me too." He whispered involuntarily as their faces were centimeters apart.
"I had almost forgotten."
She made the first move to kiss him. Dean was almost startled by her aggressiveness but kissed her back. Slowly, she got up and managed to straddle him while he sat up. His hands rested on the small of her back and her arms were wrapped around his neck. There was lots of grinding with clothes still on, both aware that her husband could walk in the room at anytime. He gave her bottom a squeeze as she started to grate herself against him even faster, creating a nice traction between their bodies.
The bottle of wine they had split was showing its power as Julie attempted to unbutton his shirt. Dean finally grabbed her hand after many failed attempts. "We can't, Babe. I couldn't. At least not with another man's wife."
She shifted her hips causing Dean to groan. "You were fine with it when I was minutes away from marrying him. And you practically tried to rape me that night in the parking-lot" She spat.
"Believe me, you're making it really hard to say 'no'."
"You picked a hell of a time to start thinking of the consequences of your actions." She said rolling off of him.
Dean ran a hand through his hair trying to get rid of his obvious erection. "It doesn't change how I feel about you."
"Shut up, I know you want me too." She said noticing what he had failed to hide. "I can keep a secret, and it'll be a one-time thing." She whispered kissing his neck as he was still lying back into the couch. "Like you and Adriana."
"You had to throw that in my face? It meant nothing to me. I can't bring myself to have sex with another guy's wife, even if it was always best with you Babe."
She didn't want to beg, she had already forgotten so much of her pride in telling him the truth. She would not allow herself to be humbled any further.
"Bullshit." She sat up to adjust her clothing and hair. His eyes never left her even though her back faced him as she sat on the edge of the sofa. She wiped a stray tear from her face while Dean's hand traced a line down the back of her slip. He silently wondered about the woman he loved. He could picture her sharing a bed with a man she cared for who rarely made it to home after work. She was constantly alone in that large house. Julie hadn't said anything, but Dean could tell she even suspected infidelity on Jacob's part.
Growing up in a Roman Catholic family, the sanctity of marriage was a very grave matter. Although he had a lecherous reputation, marriage was something Dean viewed as sacred and binding. He had no problem pursuing unwedded woman but steered from others. Being an unfaithful spouse was something he frowned on, and he secretly vowed to never become one. Although he approached her in the parking lot a few months ago, he knew at that time he wouldn't force himself on her no matter how much he cared. This time it was different.
He grabbed her arm roughly and she yelped out in surprise. He pinned her small body down to the cushions underneath him.
"It thought you said-"
"Fuck it." He said parting her legs with his knee. He figured he was entitled to a slip-up every once and a while.
Their affair didn't stop there. After the first time they slept together each went back to their respective homes and vowed they would talk later. Jacob came home Monday evening to find his wife in one of the best moods he had ever seen since they married. She stood at the sink humming a song while rinsing off the dishes to be loaded into the dishwasher.
"Honey, what do you say we go out for dinner tonight?" He said wrapping his arms around his wife's waist. He nuzzled his nose into her neck and Julie responded by cuddling back.
"Ooh what's the occasion?" She said turning off the faucet.
"It's our anniversary."
She turned to face him and gave a suspicious look. "Our anniversary is Friday."
"I know but I have a big-"
"Jacob you promised we would spend our anniversary together. We're newlyweds!"
"Come on now, Jules. Don't pout. Besides, I have to show a big client some homes in the Hamptons. I figured you didn't want to be dragged out there."
"I don't. But I also don't want to be alone for our first anniversary." She said folding her arms.
"I know. But you know we're going to have to make sacrifices if we want to continue to live this lifestyle. Besides, I have to find some way to pay for this." He produced a teal Tiffany's box from his pocket.
To his surprise, Julie did not budge. She couldn't be bribed with jewelry and clothes anymore. She turned away and threw a dishtowel onto the counter. "Material things are not a substitute for a husband."
He picked up her hand and placed the box in it. "Here, now go get ready for dinner. I'll be packing while you do that." He walked away contently, unaware that this time she would not be swayed by gifts and promises. Once she was sure he was upstairs she grabbed her cell phone and texted Dean the address to their summer-cottage. Having her husband gone all weekend would give them the perfect opportunity to talk without worrying about sneaking around.
This first chapter felt a little rushed but I wanted to get it out there. I may go back and revise this in the future.