Hochi in a Single's Bar

Hochi in a Single's Bar???: A Madd Stupid Broken Sky Story

This is just something madd stupid I wrote when I was feeling serious…that's just what happens when you kill off your main character! (I need a tissue….and $100,000,000,000,000,000 for King Drake's funeral…). Anywayz, please read and review, this is my first Broken Sky fanfic, so be gentle.

(Hochi is leading Kia, Ryushi, Elani, Gerdi, Ty, Jaan, and Peliqua through a series of streets. The sky is grey, and it appears they are in Kirin Taq, or, "Tweentime." He pauses at a sign reading "WELCOME TO PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND!")

Hochi: Well, here we are!

Kia: Good. Now we can leave Kirin Taq.

Gerdi: We're not in Kirin Taq. We're already in the Dominions.

Ryushi: For real? This whole town in so dull and gray I could have sworn it was Tweentime!

Hochi(fuming): Mmmmm…," Hochi fumed.

Kia(to Hochi): This Providence town isn't that lively anymore, is it?

A VOICE: Heard that!

(They whirl around to see who it is. It is Elizabeth(me), and the author, Christopher Wood. Elizabeth's eyes are bright red and puffy like mushrooms. A tissue is trapped hopelessly inside her fist.)


(They drop and kiss his feet. After a few seconds of prostrating themselves, they get to their feet and begin spitting.)

Ty: What are we doing?

Kia(skeptical): Why are you here, anyway?"

Chris Wood: I'm here for a funeral. Drake Stonewash passed away.

(At this, Elizabeth bursts into a chorus of wet sobs.)

Gerdi: Who was he?

Elizabeth: A character in my book. He died of Marburg Hemorrhagic Fever.

Gerdi: That's all?

Elizabeth: Well….that and being trampled by a mob of angry kittens. That'd be enough to do anybody in, let alone a 69-year-old Marburg patient.

Chris: It was the end of his natural lifespan anyway.

Elizabeth(brightening up): Yeah! (toning down) But that doesn't mean I don't still have to go to Jeremiah's funeral tomorrow…

Chris(as Elizabeth bursts into more sobs): Oh boy.

Ty: Why, who's Jeremiah?

Elizabeth: Another character in my book. He was murdered by another character.

(Thinking of Banto, they nod in sympathy)

Chris: How old was Jeremiah again?

Elizabeth(in tears): NINETEEN!!!!

Gerdi: Oh well, can't always get what you want in life. Come off it, you don't always get to keep your life.

Hochi: Let's just go now.

Elizabeth(brightening up again): But Providence really isn't that bad once you check it out. In fact, I think they're shooting that NBC drama show over at the hospital now.

Ryushi: What's it called?

Elizabeth: "Providence."

Kia: Clever.

Elani: Sooo…what are we waiting for? Let's go check it out! We could be on TV!

Hochi: Oh, I don't wanna….

Peliqua: Me neither…

Jaan: I do!

(Peliqua glares at him.)

Jaan: * gulp * On second thought…I don't wanna….

Gerdi: Fine! We'll go ourselves.

Hochi: Okay. You all go and check it out. Me, Peliqua, and Jaan'll go check out a single's bar.

Elani: Are those even open during the day?

Hochi: Let's hope so!

Kia: Okay, we'll meet you three right here at six.

Elizabeth: No! Not there! That's where I'm building Drake's memorial!

Kia(rolls eyes): Okay! * takes one big step to the side * Right HERE, then. (to Elizabeth) Have any problems with THAT?

Elizabeth: Nope. Just fine.

(They go in their set directions.)

Elani: Think we'll get to be on TV?

Ryushi: Maybe.

Ty: Look! There's a bookstore! I can buy Elizabeth's book!

(all heads turn to him)

Kia: Ty, sometimes I worry about you.

Ty: I'll meet you back at the spot on six.

(they kiss and he goes into the bookstore)

Elani(sadly): Guess Ty won't be on TV.

Gerdi: Who cares! We will! There's the hospital! Pretty soon, we will be—


(Everyone turns around. A dark, menacing shadow is on the outside wall of the hospital.)

Gerdi: That long hair…

Kia: That unmistakable profile…

Ryushi: That sadistic laugh…

Elani: That scary music playing in the background…

Gerdi: AHHHHH! It's Magus!

(All eyes on Gerdi)

Elani: You need to quit playing Chrono Trigger, Gerdi.


Gerdi: Oh! Now I see!


ALL: RUN FOR IT!!!!!!!!

Macaan: You will not escape my wrath!

(they run into the hospital, closely pursued by Macaan. They run into a surgery room.)

SURGEON: What are these people doing here?

Ryushi: Listen, people, you have to run for it! Macaan's coming!

SURGEON: Macaan? What has made his majesty honor our hospital with a visit?

Ryushi(to Kia): I forgot that they don't know the truth…

Sydney(* this is the star of "Providence" *): Uh oh…could it be those words of treason I uttered while putting on my makeup?

Kia: In front of a mirror?

Sydney: Yes. It's so hard to get my lipstick on without a mirror! I just smear it all over my mouth…

Kia(to Ryushi): Somehow, though, I don't think this is why he's here…

Macaan(bursting through the door): Ha! I've found you! Parakkans, surrdender! And you, Miss Sydney, I have a bone to pick with you about those words of treason you uttered while putting on your makeup this morning!

Sydney: Aw crap.

SURGEON: Your majesty, this is a sterile environment. I'll have to ask you to leave.

Macaan: Awww! Then how come you let these fools in?

Sydney: They're…um…interns!

Macaan: Aw….

(leaves. Everybody sighs in relief)

Macaan(peeking through the knocked-down door): Aha! You forgot this door was knocked down! I will KILL you all!

(he blows the surgery room apart. The "patient" prop dummy is blown to smithereens and everybody is thrown to the floor, unconscious)

Macaan: Well, that's that.

(leaves. They all sit up)

Ryushi(holding bleeding wound on forehead): Ouch! That smarts.

Kia(to Sydney): Fix it!

Sydney: What? You expect me to treat a simple cut? I'm not a surgeon, I can't do that!

Gerdi: Doctors these days. They're trained to do less and less.

Ryushi: You can say that again.

Gerdi: Doctors these days. They're trained to do less and less.

Ryushi: You can say that again.


Kia tried to report Sydney for practicing medical services without a license. But since she was a celebrity, they didn't accept Kia's claim. Ryushi and Gerdi continued their chain of conversation forever. Elani became the co-star of "Providence," playing Rhode Island's youngest-ever doctor who becomes Sydney's rival. Ty purchased Elizabeth's book, "Triad Final," along with various other titles in Oprah's Book Club. He became vice president of Oprah's Book Club and made numerous appearances on the show, preaching the virtues of using Kotex instead of Always. O.o . Hochi met up with a nice young girl named Joanie who already had one daughter at the single's bar. They got married and she and her daughter joined Parakka. Gerdi and Elani got married and lived happily together forever in her $40 million mansion, but she did tire so of his quotes of "Doctors these days. They're trained to do less and less." Peliqua met up with a nice guy named Robbie who spent all his money trying to get on a game show, just to lose. They leeched off Elani and Gerdi for the rest of their lives. Ryushi, insanely jealous of Robbie, did the same as he did, and also had to leech of Elani and Gerdi forever. Peliqua was not impressed. He married Calica, who wasn't impressed either, but felt bad for him. Jaan married Sydney, and shared her jealously for Elani.

Elizabeth married her boyfriend(whoever he may be J ) and they lived richly(Elizabeth wrote more than 40 best-selling novels in her lifetime), though not completely happily(she had to attend many funerals) ever after.

As for Macaan, one day the same horde of angry kittens that killed Drake trampled Macaan, and Aurin died of happiness(sadist!). Parakka, having nothing left to fight, dispersed. Kia lived happily ever after, having nothing left to take revenge for.