Skywalker Matrimony

Author: LVB

Disclaimer: They belong to George Lucas and LucasFilm. If they belonged to me they would come out to play more often.

Summary: AU. Anakin and Padmé discover something peculiar about their marriage. Interlude set after Father of the Bride.

Warnings: The humour is a little racier in this fic and a little more schmoopy. I think that deserves a warning.

A/N: Quick, I know! I would like to thank Stephanie C for planting this idea in my head. I'll elaborate more on the idea next chapter. It's a 'What If' within my already established AU Skywalker Universe. Not the official sequel to FotB, more like an interlude. Kinda like the Star Wars Christmas Special but with no Life Days ;)


Chapter One: The Holiday

Today was what Anakin would consider a good day. Leaving behind the weekend from Sith's hell at Alderaan, Anakin had been glad to sweep his beautiful wife away for some time away from their kids. It wasn't that they didn't love their children; they just made them want to bang their heads against a wall…repeatedly. Now with Han and Leia settling into married life far, far away from the two of them, Anakin felt like he didn't have to worry about anyone being kidnapped or emotionally tortured—particularly himself.

Being back on Coruscant certainly had its perks. For one thing, Han and Leia had "borrowed" Threepio for a while which meant Anakin would be able to sit and meditate in peace. Unfortunately that also meant Anakin would actually have to get up to fetch his own Holonews and lunch. He momentarily contemplated using the Force to bring him his coveted items—he was Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Master and it would not have been very difficult.

Laziness is of the Dark Side.

Sighing and not wanting to get lazy, or worse, fat, in his old age, Anakin resigned himself to the fact that he would have to get up. Groaning, he stood up and felt a muscle twitch in his back. Apparently back pain for the elderly did not even escape renowned Jedi Masters. Anakin scowled thinking about his wife who suffered from no such ailments, even though she was five years older than him. Anakin was very glad it was not common knowledge that his wife was in fact older than he was—he was sure the Holoreporters would have a field day with that information. In fact, most people assumed Anakin was the older one. Padmé's face showed no signs of age or stress and Anakin was yet to find a revealing wrinkle on her body. Anakin however, was sure he looked at least a decade older than he was. Even without the intuitive knowledge he possessed of the Force, he knew it was due to being the father of twins who managed to find themselves in all sorts of trouble that their father always seemed to rescue them from.

Hunting for something to eat in their kitchen, Anakin frowned as he caught sight of the Holonet that was strategically placed next to the dining table. They were playing another "Chancellor Exclusive" story. Padmé had been the Chancellor for years now—if they hadn't gotten any dirt on her yet, he was confident that they wouldn't. That didn't stop them from reporting all sorts of ridiculous untruths. For example, this week the current gossip was that the illustrious Chancellor Padmé Amidala Skywalker once had a sordid love affair with a younger man. Anakin couldn't help but smirk as he heard the reporter state, "I wonder what Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker, husband to the Chancellor would think of this?"

I think that she should continue to have a love affair with her extremely sexy and in no way aging younger Jedi lover…

Anakin was so engaged in the idea of having an affair with his own wife that he didn't even notice her sneak up behind him. "I don't know why you still insist on watching this poodoo," a stern voice from behind interrupted him. He turned to come face to face with his beautiful wife, ridiculous make-up and all.

"Milday," he said and suavely lifted her hand and gently kissed it. Padmé's face softened and Anakin knew she would be in the palm of his hand. "You're home early." Padmé sighed and sat down next to Anakin, who automatically moved his artificial hand to massage her shoulders. She moaned in response and this bought a huge smile to Anakin's face.

"What happened?" he asked, genuinely concerned for his wife.

"Anakin I need a holiday. A nice long holiday; one without children, servants, droids, politics and especially no holoreporters!" she said, rubbing her temples as Anakin continued to massage her back, now with both hands.

"If you're worried about that stupid Holonet report, don't be. They don't even realize you are married to a…" he leant forward and kissed her neck, "younger," he kissed the other side of her neck, "sexy" and he pulled back listening to her gasp, "man."

She turned to look at him crossly. "That wasn't fair," she protested.

He took her hand and pulled her to stand up with him. A really spontaneous idea suddenly hit him. The Force seemed to be on his side finally as his face lit up with realization that he was having a plan. Not only was it a plan, but it involved something romantic. Romance meant a happy wife and a happy wife meant a very, very happy husband.

"Padmé, why don't we take a holiday?"

Silence.

Silence wasn't good. Silence meant she was thinking.

"A holiday? Now? Anakin, I'm the Chancellor of the Republic! I can't simply drop everything to go away on a holiday! I have things to do, people to see…"

Anakin rolled his eyes as his wife continued her tirade. He turned around and walked into their bedroom, her following him and wiping off her make-up, still talking.

"…Bail cannot handle the Bironian Delegation on his own, especially with Leia away. Mon Mothma is away on sick leave and I have meetings scheduled with the Queen of Naboo and…"

She noticed him packing. He was haphazardly throwing her very precious, very ceremonial and very expensive gowns into a worn old suitcase. "Anakin what are you doing?!" she screeched, frantically re-arranging her clothes the way she liked them, neat and tidy. Anakin grinned and moved to his side of the wardrobe, yanking out several Jedi tunics and chucking them on top of hers in the suitcase.

"I'm packing."

Clearly Padmé's common sense had flown out the window if she was unable to see that. Padmé glared at him and Anakin suddenly had a funny feeling that he had married a mind reader.

"I can see that," she replied icily and rearranged his clothes next to hers in an orderly manner. "What for?"

"Milady, I am about to commit a crime against the Republic and kidnap the Chancellor," Anakin replied and proceeded to lift his wife over his shoulder, levitating their suitcase behind him. Ever the independent woman, Padmé shrieked and began to beat her fists against his back.

"Let me down!"

Anakin had two options. He could either A, let his wife down, listen to her lecture him on the finer points of not acting like an Bantha and slowly go crazy or B, keep walking and hope that she would find it in her heart to forgive him for kidnapping her. He was not stupid…he was going to go with B.

"You Madam Skywalker, are about to have the time of your life."

--

Anakin was sure Padmé would start speaking to him soon. Maybe. Eventually. He had contacted the Chancellor's office on Padmé's behalf and informed them the Chancellor was taking an extended leave of absence. He had then contacted Obi-Wan and informed him that the great Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Master extraordinaire was not to be disturbed as he was on official husband business. Obi-Wan had laughed and wished him good luck.

Padmé was sulking in the quarters of the Skywalker family ship the Coruscant Wings while Anakin was busy scrolling through an enormous list of possible honeymoon destinations. Kessel: too dodgy. Naboo: too obvious. Mustufar: too hot and something about rivers of lava made Anakin shiver. Tatooine: no.

Anakin had lived on Tatooine long enough to know the sand that made his home planet unique had a tendency of finding every nook, cranny and crevice to embed itself in. And the activities he planned to be doing on said planet would involve the exposure of his own and Padmé's nooks, crannies and crevices to be exposed.

Anakin finally took note of a system named K'Larna. While not being close to the Coruscant centre, it provided enough distance between the Skywalkers and the rest of the world. It had a very secluded resort planet and one of the highest levels of security apart from Coruscant itself. Anakin frowned as he read on the datapad that all weapons would have to be checked in with security upon entering the facility.

That would mean he would be lightsaberless, for the entire two weeks he was planning. If Anakin had been a lesser Jedi he would have mumbled his discontent.

A Jedi is nothing without his weapon

A Jedi is nothing but a man with a fancy laser-sword and delusions of grandeur

Ignoring Han's influence in his head, Anakin decided that he would be able to live for two weeks without his favourite accessory and proudly announced to his wife, "We are going to K'Larna."

And for once, I don't have a bad feeling about this…

Famous Last Words

The last words said by a person before the inevitable happens, often creating a deeply ironic underpinning to the original statement. For example, Obi-Wan remarking, "What's the worst that can happen?" and immediately falling into a pit of gundarks.