Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or these characters. In fact, Edward's description comes from the books. Thanks!

Happy Birthday, Bella

Okay, I admit these little indulgences weren't the best for my sanity. At this particular moment I didn't care. This was my ritual. For some disturbingly masochistic reason I couldn't quite explain, I had grown fond of this once a year indulgence I allowed myself.

I apprehensively walked over to the white porcelain claw-foot tub and sighed as I sat on the side. I knew what this would do to me, but I couldn't resist. Go ahead, rip yourself open. I turned on the water and watched as the tub slowly filled with water. I lovingly caressed the small ball of fragrance I knew would take me over the edge. Well, if I were being totally honest with myself, I would help with the final dive into oblivion. I knew it and I didn't give a shit. I dropped the bath bomb into the water and smiled as the water began to fizz, releasing the scent throughout the room. Freesia . My mind began its descent. I was ready. I actually welcomed it. I slowly stripped as the tub filled with heavenly water. The water was hot.

Umm. I smiled as I slowly sank into the tub. It was so hot I knew I'd be red when I got out. I settled in and grabbed my own personal heaven, or hell depending on how you look at it- my silver cocktail shaker. It contained my brand of heroin- well beside him: one shot of cranberry juice (organic, of course), one shot of Triple Sec, one shot of Rose's Sweetened Lime Juice, and two shots of Grey Goose Orange (the secret)-my Cosmo. I poured it into my martini glass-4 cherries waiting to go for a swim. I took a sip, closed my eyes, unlocked my carefully guarded mind, and let it all back in.

I knew my memory wouldn't do him justice, but he saw to that didn't he? "It will be as if I never existed." He took everything- my pictures, my CD, my plane tickets, my heart. But he couldn't take my mind. Even though I couldn't hold him, I could, once a year, hold onto a memory. And I embraced that realization with my entire being. I didn't open my eyes until I had finished my drink. It took one full drink before I could say his name. I poured the rest of the shaker into my glass. Yeah, it's self-destructive, but I knew what came next. I took another sip and said his name aloud. No one was home anyway.

Edward.

When I opened my eyes, there he was. He sat motionless as a statue at the other end of my tub. My eyes hungrily devoured his pale white features: the square jaw, straight nose, high cheekbones, full lips, wide butterscotch eyes framed by thick black lashes. He was so fucking beautiful. I sucked in my breath. How much vodka did I put in that damn drink? This delusion was quite good. If I were to make another drink, I bet I could touch him. No. I'd have to break the spell to go back to the kitchen. Fine. Next year, I'll make two shakers of Cosmos. I focused back on my hallucination and my eyes traveled from his face to his smooth throat to his perfect chest then on to the perfect muscles of his abdomen slowly disappearing into the water.

"Bella," my dream sighed. He closed his eyes. He looked so peaceful. He took a deep breath, breathing me in. Then he slowly exhaled and I couldn't help but lean forward in the tub. I swear to God I felt his cool breath on my face, smelled his sweet, intoxicating scent. My body began to react. Jesus, you are drunk Bella. His velvet voice caressed my skin. "I've missed you so, Bella. I love you. I will always love you." His voice was husky, full of longing. As if it had a mind of its own, my hand traveled down the path he always took from my face down my neck. But I didn't stop there. I continued down my chest, resting finally on my breast, giving away just how much I still wanted him. Oh, Edward. I love you too.

Obviously, I had gone too far this time. I pulled the plug and watched as he vanished as the water escaped down the drain. Three years and my heart still ached. Three damn years! Slowly I got out of the tub and dried myself off. I slipped on my pajamas and climbed into the bed. As I drifted off to sleep, I swear I heard his sweet voice whisper "Happy Birthday, Bella."