Swing123's intro: This is a remake of my one of my very first stories on Fanfiction, Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie. After reading it again for the first time in quite a while, I figured I could probably do better, now. So, putting every shred of my effort into it, the way I'd really want to see it in the theaters, I have rewritten the entire movie. And this one, only, I'm not remaking Lost at Sea, or Double Trouble
Also, you'll notice that in the original Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie, Earl's crews of aliens are actually intelligent and viscous. When we move into the second movie, Lost at Sea, they begin to get lazy and less attentive and in Double Trouble, they're the morons we all know them as today. This remake shall include the alien crew being incredibly stupid and moronic, just like in any of my other of my stories.
Also, I don't want to set off a chain reaction, here. I really don't want everyone to be rewriting their Calvin and Hobbes movies just because I am. So... don't. OK?
One more thing and then I'll shut up. This story will still be taking place at the same time as the last one: The summer after the last strip. Therefore the Time Pauser, MTM, Mini Duplicator and all the other inventions have not been made yet and Socrates, Dr Brainstorm, Jack and the others have not met Calvin and Hobbes, yet.
And now, without further a due, I give you the new and improved Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie. All criticism is welcome.
It was a regular day in a semi-regular neighborhood.
Except for one particular detail.
It was the beginning of summer.
A school bus rolled down the small street, until it came to a yellow house on the edge of the block.
Slowly, the bus came to a stop at the front of the sidewalk.
The very second the bus came to a standstill, there was a large explosion from the doors.
"I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" Calvin screeched at the top of his lungs.
Nearly ripping to doors off their hinges, Calvin flew down the sidewalk and came to a direct stop at the front of the door.
He spun around and faced the bus.
"HA HA!!" He screamed at it. "You tried and tried to break my will! You thought I'd crack!! You thought you'd drive me over the brink!!! BUT I DIDN'T!!!!! You've failed! FAILED!!!!!"
The bus driver rolled his eyes and closed the bus doors.
Calvin watched it go.
"Look at it run..." He growled.
Then he whirled around back to the door.
"THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR, besides Christmas, of course, HAS ARRIVED!!!! SUMMER IS HERE!!!!"
He yanked the door opened.
"TALLY-HO!!!!" He screamed.
Suddenly, something orange collided with Calvin, sending him flying in the other direction.
"AAAAAAAAAAUUGH!!!!" Calvin screamed, as he and Hobbes went plowing into the dirt.
There was a long moment of silence.
Hobbes was the first to climb out and dust himself off.
"Another successful greeting." He decided, examining the trail of dirt that lead from the front door to their current location.
Calvin, who was beat up and covered in dirt, climbed out of the hole and rubbed the dust out of his eyes.
Then, he turned an evil look onto the tiger.
"Thanks a lot, you maniacal cat!" he spat. "Look how far away from the house we are, now!!!"
"Calvin, we're twenty feet from the house." Hobbes said.
"EXACTLY! TWENTY FEET! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WALK TWENTY FEET TO GET TO THE HOUSE!!!"
"Uhhhh..." Hobbes began.
"I'm a very busy man! I don't have time for walking!!"
Hobbes heaved a sigh.
"And to make matters worse, I HAVE TO CROSS THE ROAD!! Who has time to cross a road!!!"
"Calvin, if you don't mind, I'm just going to leave, now."
"OH YES I DO MIND!!" Calvin hollered. "I'm in a bad mood and you're going to hear all about it!! SIT DOWN!!!"
Hobbes sighed and sat down.
"First of all, you caused me to forget all about the first day of summer! So you'll pay for that!!! second of all, I managed to get through today without Moe beating me up and then you did that!!! You'll pay for that, too!!!! Third of all..."
At that very moment, the wind picked up and started blowing the trees and bushes around.
Calvin and Hobbes looked around as the trees and bushes all started leaning in the direction the wind was going.
"Heavy wind." Hobbes commented.
Suddenly, a large high pitched shrill emitted from Calvin's backpack.
"AAAUGH!" Hobbes screamed, leaping into the air, and covering his head.
Calvin shouted, as well, and threw his pack off.
He unzipped it, and looked inside.
"What is that?!" Hobbes demanded.
Calvin rooted through the junk in his backpack, and finally pulled out a small box.
"Oh, here it is, it's my long distance walki talki. I took it to school for show and tell." He paused. "A couple weeks ago, actually, what the heck is it still doing in here?"
"Never mind." Hobbes said, holding his ears. "Can you shut it up?"
"Nope. I have no idea what's wrong with it." Calvin replied, shaking the walki talki, as the screech continued to emit from it.
"CALVIN!!!" Hobbes screamed.
Just then, as suddenly as it started, the wind stopped.
And, right on cue, the shrill from the walki talki died down too.
There was a moment of silence.
"Huh." Calvin said. "Anyway, where was I?"
Hobbes stared at him for a long moment.
"You were about to give me reason number three on why your in a bad mood." He said, glaring at the walki talki, which Calvin threw back into his bag.
"Ah, now I remember." Calvin said. "THIRD OF ALL, Moe is a big fat ugly toad and his mother is a compost pile and he has a chopped up ham for a brain and he's..."
"Right behind you." Hobbes yawned.
There was another moment of silence.
Fourth one of the day in case your keeping track.
Calvin stared at Hobbes.
Finally, he spoke.
"Hobbes, that's ridiculous! Moe is pretty stupid, but he'd never come within twenty feet of my house!"
"Now that I think about it, we might be twenty one feet." Hobbes considered, staring back at the house.
"Exactly! Therefore is impossible for that ugly gorilla to be behind me right now! Besides, he goes to that summer camp. Camp Pine Tree or some such nonsense, therefore he has to be home at whatever hole in the dirt he lives in, packing all his dead squirrels and severed hands, since summer camp lasts all summer long!!"
"Summer camp only lasts two weeks, Calvin."
"Whatever! It is physically impossible for Moe to be behind me right now! Now shut up so I can continue to complain about him!"
Suddenly, Calvin became aware of a large finger tapping him of the shoulder.
Calvin spun around.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU CREEP!!!" He screamed. "This had better be good, or else I'll..."
Moe was standing in front of him, glaring at him through his overgrown hair and his mini gang behind him.
Have we ever discussed Moe's gang? Maybe so, but it's been a long time. Moe's gang consisted of two members. A kid about as tall as Moe with blond hair, a green basketball T-shirt and black jeans and another smaller kid that wore his cap on backwards, with black hair, a yellow T-shirt and blue jeans. Calvin didn't know their names, but they were just as cruel and weird as Moe.
Oh and they never talk. I don't why, but they never do.
Calvin stared at Moe for a long time, then whirled around back to Hobbes.
"Hobbes, I blame you for all of this."
Then, he spun back around to Moe.
"Moe, let me begin by discussing the Declaration of Independence, which clearly states that anyone has the right to free speech and their own opinion."
Moe began cracking his knuckles.
"Let me also say that you're breaking all of our treaties and agreements by coming within twenty feet of my house and I must warn you that I have a lawyer for a father and he can sue you for all you owe!"
"Twinky, I'm here because you missed out on your daily beating. And this was the last day of school. And that's the most important beating of all."
"Huh." Calvin said. "Well, let me state that you had your chance to beat me up, today, but you blew it. I won, fair and square."
"You deliberately spent recess and lunch in the classroom." Moe said.
"Do have any evidence to back that up?" Calvin asked.
"Listen, twinky, I'm in a good mood, today, so I'll let you off the hook for a dollar."
"A DOLLAR!!" Calvin hollered. "I don't have that kind of money! What do I look like, a bank teller?!? What happened to the regular quarter?"
"I raised the price, because of all the insults you threw at me." Moe said.
"I see..." Calvin began. "Well, let me just take Hobbes into the house here and I'll fetch you a dollar."
Calvin turned around and walked towards Hobbes.
Suddenly, Moe's two buddies stepped in Calvin's way.
Calvin stared at them.
He spun back to Moe.
"Very well, Moe, I shall be forced to resort to desperate measures." He said.
"You mean begging?" Moe asked.
"Right." Calvin nodded.
He dropped to his knees, held his hands up and began moaning.
"PLEASE DON'T KILL ME, MOE!!! I don't have any money! I'm broke! I'm bankrupt!! I can't pay my nonexistent debts!! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!!!"
Moe stared at him.
Then, he motioned for his crew to come here and they discussed the situation in whispers.
Calvin cut his eyes around.
It was then that he noticed that Hobbes had vanished.
His eyes narrowed and he muttered to himself, "Stupid cat."
Finally, Moe and his gang turned back to Calvin.
"Okay, Twinky, I'll let you live..."
"HEAVEN!! I'M IN HEAVEN!! " Calvin sang, throwing his arms to the sky.
"...on one condition."
Calvin's eyes blanked out.
"You have to attend Camp Pine with me."
Moe's gang began chuckling.
Calvin stared at Moe for a long time.
"And what would be the point of that?" He asked.
Moe raised his fist.
"You're going to be my personal punching bag." He grinned, putting a punch into his palm.
Calvin continued to stare at Moe.
"And if I don't go?" He asked.
Moe bent down to Calvin's eye level.
"You'll never see the light of day, again." He growled.
Calvin's eyelids lowered.
"Moe, what's the point of not killing me now if your just going to kill me when I go to summer camp?" He asked.
Moe paused, as if thinking about that.
Then, he raised his fist.
"You're saying you want to be clobbered, now?" He asked.
"No, of course not. See you at Camp Pine, old buddy, old pal..." Calvin grinned.
Moe and his gang then turned around and started walking in the other direction.
Calvin watched them go.
When he walked into the house, he found Mom in the living room, talking on the phone.
Calvin ignored her and began shuffling towards the stairs.
"Okay, thank you." She said. "Goodbye."
Mom hung the phone up and cleared her throat.
"Calvin!" She called.
There was a moment of silence.
"CALVIN!!" She called, again.
Again, there was no answer.
"CAAAALLVIN!!" She called a third time.
"CALVIN! GET DOWN HERE!!!" She screamed, finally.
Calvin slowly climbed down from the stairs and walked towards Mom.
"Death row, next in line speaking." He said.
Mom rolled her eyes.
"Calvin, I just wanted to tell you I've signed you up to a summer camp."
Calvin stared at his mother for a long time.
"Very nice." He said, finally. "Don't bother to consult me."
"Well, I knew you were just going to say no, so why should I?" Mom replied.
"Uh huh, and let me guess." He said. "It's called Camp Pine?"
Mom's eyes popped open, surprised.
"How did you know that?" She inquired.
"I've been physically intimidated and threatened to be there."
"Uh huh." Mom said. "Anyway, I have the brochure, here, if your interested."
Mom handed Calvin a small booklet.
"Thanks, Mom," Calvin said, expressionlessly. "This will make excellent final reading."
Calvin took the booklet and walked up the stairs with it.
"If you need me, I'll be up in my room, writing my will." He called.
Calvin slammed his door behind him.
Mom rolled her eyes.
"Those child psychology books were such a waste of money." She sighed.