This is the result of too much time to daydream. Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, so it's all hers. But I can borrow them… hehe.

22 Ways to Scare, Anger, Harass, and/or Generally Confuse Carlisle:

1) Ask him to define random medical terms, especially when you know the definition.

2) Tell him you saw Esme with another man.

3) Call him at work and tell him you forgot why you called.

4) Ask him awkward questions about health.

5) Repeat everything he says in a British accent.

6) Offer him tea and crumpets…

7) Force-feed him if he refuses.

8) Tell him he would look younger with blue eyes.

9) Ask him if you can nickname him 'Carl'.

10) Wink at Esme. Often.

11) When he questions anything you're doing, verbally or nonverbally, tell him his is too young to possibly understand the concept.

12) Tell him you're converting to atheism.

13) Buy him tight pants.

14) Call him Dr. Cullen…

15) All the time.

16) Stare at him and look abruptly away when he looks at you.

17) Tell him he has no soul.

18) Ask to see his ID.

19) Give him a home gym for Father's Day.

20) Tell him his name is old fashioned.

21) Ask him if he enjoys X rated movies.

22) Sign him up for the YMCA.

That was stupid… but it was in my head all day XP