A/N: Hey guys! Long time no update! This is my holiday present to you. Hope you like it :D

Chapter 3 of Stolen facts about Uchiha Itachi

Leading causes of death in the ninja world? 1) War. 2) Itachi. 3) Cancer.

Itachi has two speeds. Walk. and Kill.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of things Itachi allows to live

Ninja's don't kill people. Uchiha Itachi kills people

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Itachi

Itachi counted to infinity. Twice.

When Itachi does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up. He's pushing the earth down.

Itachi is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Itachi doesn't get frost bite, he bites frost.

Itachi goes from march 31st to april 2nd. Noone fools Uchiha Itachi.

Itachi can speak Braille

On the final exam in the Konoha academy Itachi put down violence as the answer to every question. He got a 100 because Itachi solves all his problems with violence.

Orochimaru sent one of his snakes to bite Uchiha Itachi. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

Orochimaru owns a pair of Itachi pajama's

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards you can hear Itachi banging your sister.

Itachi doesn't have hair on his balls because hair doesn't grow on steel.

Itachi can play the violin with a piano.

Ghosts are actually caused by Itachi killing ninja's faster then Kami can process them.

Itachi doesn't pop his collar. His clothes just get erections from touching his body.

Itachi is always on top during sex because Uchiha Itachi never fucks up.

Uchiha Itachi likes to knit cloaks in his free time. And by 'knit' I mean 'kick', and by 'cloaks' I mean 'babies'.

Deidara once beat Itachi in a game of tic tac toe. In retaliation Itachi took Deidara's left eye.

Itachi doesn't use pick-up lines. He simply says "Now."

Itachi doesn't play "Hide-and-seek" he plays "Hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Itachi is currently in a legal battle with Bubble Tape. Uchiha claims "6 feet of fun" is actually the trade mark for his penis.

Itachi once had an erection lying down. The people in China-feeling that their own penis' were pathetic in comparison- now have the smallest penis' in the world

Kunai's dodge Uchiha Itachi.

We all know the magick word in a sentence is please. As in "Please don't kill me." Too bad Itachi doesn't believe in magick.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Uchiha Itachi has been there, then it's soaked in blood and tears.

When observing a Uchiha Itachi roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Uchiha Itachi actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Asuma, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

If you have 500yen and Itachi has 500yen, Itachi has more money then you.

When Uchiha Itachi was denied a Udon soup at Ichiban Ramen stand because they only served ramen, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Someone from the Akatsuki once asked Uchiha Itachi how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF Uchiha Itachi!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his team member's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "What the fuck? Why a Woodchuck!?" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

A/N: Okay! That's another chapter…the last rhyme I had a hard time with…lol. As long as there are Chuck Norris facts then these chapters will keep coming. Happy new year and holidays!