Thank you, thank you, thank you, sincerely to everyone who has given me such wonderful feedback! I do not mind concrit at all. I am writing this for you, the readers.
I do hope you enjoy the upcoming chappies. I don't know where I will take the characters until I begin writing. That is part of the beauty of fanfiction, the journey from beginning to end is a wild ride for the readers and author alike.
Nothing's changed. Dean isn't mine. Sam isn't mine. Danielle, Delvin, and the story are mine.
When Dean awoke, the words "the box" kept repeating themselves in his head. He knew he should do what he had been asked, but a part of him felt as if he were invading Danielle's privacy.
His sense of duty overcame his respect for privacy. If Dani had not wanted him to see what was in the box, Dean rationalized, she would not have told him where to look. There was always the possibility it had been just a dream.
The room was still dark, as dawn had not ascended. Dean quietly made his way out the room. As he passed the door to Sam's room, the big brother in him made him stop and peek in. Sam was lying on his back, in only boxers. He could see the shine of the salt on the windowsill, which made Dean smile. His brother could be a pain, but there was no denying his OCD was helpful.
Dean backed away from the door and made his way farther down the hall. He had to pass Delvin's room to get to Danielle's. Delvin's room door was slightly ajar and Dean took the opportunity to check on the man. Delvin was asleep on his side. Along his windowsill, as in Sam's room, was an unbroken line of salt.
Dean moved back into the hall and walked to Danielle's door. He hesitated before finally opening the door and padding in. He flicked on the overhead light long enough to locate a lamp on the bedside table and turn it on. When that was done, the overhead light was extinguished.
The closet. He told himself he would find nothing there and he was stupid for even rummaging through her things. He chuckled softly when he thought about her punching him in the gut for being nosy. She would accuse him of being a pervert and getting cheap thrills.
He hoped she would get to chance.
He found himself reaching on the top shelf, all the way to the back and on the right. His hand touched a wooden face. He felt side to side and up and down, ascertaining the box was at least a foot wide, a foot long, and six or seven inches deep.
He slowly pulled it toward him, trying to be as quiet as possible. He really did not want to have to explain to Sam and Delvin what he was doing in Danielle's room. Sam would probably think along the same lines as Danielle. He thought Delvin may actually understand. There was always the possibility both men would think he was a perv. Why did everyone think that about him, he wondered.
The box was stained pine. On the top was a carving of a rose, which was painted a deep burgundy. Dani's initials were underneath.
Dean held the box close to himself as he walked to the bed. He sat down and swore he could smell Danielle's scent all around.
"Dani, Ima open this. If you didn't really tell me to do it, something did. It's to help you," he said while looking around the room, as if she were standing just out of sight.
He lifted the lid and found what she wanted him to see. Dani had kept her old diaries. He picked up one, lavender and covered with unicorns. Flipping to a random page, he began to read:
June 23, 1994
One of my friends told me she thought Dean was cute. I looked at Cheryl, then looked at Dean. I mean I know he isn't ugly, but I could kinda see what she was saying. I guess if you look hard enough, he could be kinda cute. I would never tell him that. I think he already knows. That shit-eating grin, which makes me want to smack him, those prettygreen eyes, and his lips...his lips are too perfect for a guy. I wonder if he wears cherry chap stick to make them so pink and...
What the hell? This is Dean! The same Dean who takes pleasure in annoying everyone within a hundred miles. Cheryl was talking about him in that weird voice we talk about guys in. I just listened to her babble on. I told her I guess he was cute for a guy. She laughed and told me I must be blind.
I looked at him again and this time, he saw me. He was talking to Eddie about something under the hood of Eddie's car. He winked at me and smiled. I smiled back.
He is one of my best friends. I could never see him that way. Cheryl told me I am full of shit. Like Cheryl knows anything. She just wanted to see if I would get mad that she liked Dean. I told her go for it.
Dean flipped through a few more page and read another random entry.
Something weird happened to me. We were all down at the beach. I was hanging out with Cheryl and Samantha at the snowball stand. We were pretending to look at the
water, but our shades hid that we were really watching guys. I don't think anyone even
knew! We are that damn good!
Anyway, Cheryl pointed to the guys playing some football. They were shirtless, wearing their trunks and running into each other at full speed. What the hell is the point of that? That isn't a sport! It's a reason for guys to beat the hell out of each other and flex their muscles. I ain't complaining though. The way they line up before they snap the ball is better than watching any movie!
I remember Dean got the ball and took off running. He was laughing and having a good time. I never would have looked twice before, but his arms were tensed, holding the ball. His legs were pumping and the muscles...Oh God! His hair was slicked down from the sweat. The sweat was making his body shine, too. I was staring and my girls caught me.
I told them the truth, you know, that I was just watching the game and all.
Cheryl laughed at me and told me she knew it. I told her if she didn't shut up, I would drown
her ass. She told me she couldn't understand how I could not notice the weird looking kid was becoming damn fine! She said she had been worried because maybe I was watching her instead. She is such a smart ass! Ugh!I told her even if I liked girls, she
wouldn't be on the list. She flicked some of her snowball at me. I took a spoonful of mine
and dropped down her bikini top. She was running around and screaming "Ahhh! Ahhh! Cold! Dammit! Cold!" That was too much fun!
When Samantha headed for the water, Cheryl and I started talking. She told me it was ok to like him. I told her I did not and he was my friend. She asked me what was wrong with liking a friend. She pointed out he was cool, hot, smart, hot, a total trip, hot, had a great chest, nice ass, and that he was hot. She ain't shallow or nothing.
No one knew I had kissed him. I never let on. If I didn't tell anyone that, I sure wasn't
going to tell them I liked it.
Dean closed the book and placed it back in the box. So many thoughts were trampling through his mind. He was getting a look at a Danielle he never saw. The cockiness that rivaled his was masking the insecurity and shyness she felt when he was the subject matter.
She obviously had not realized his showboating was for her. Her encouragement and praise were always forthcoming. Now, he knew she had seen it.
Dean chose another book. This one, purple with a silver dragon, had hearts hand drawn in each corner. Dean flipped to the first page.
June 12, 1996
Well, I am not a virgin any more. It feels kinda weird. I feel different, but I don't. I can't explain it.
It happened late Monday night or early Tuesday morning. Dean and I were here alone. Dad, John, and Sammy were off taking care of something. Sam is old enough to go onlight trips, so John took him. Dean stayed with me.
I didn't mean for it to happen, but it just did. I don't know what made us do it. We were sitting there, watching TV. The next thing I know we were kissing and making out. We went to my bedroom and we didn't mean for it to go that far, but we ended up doing everything except IT. We fell asleep, got up later, and took a shower. Together. I wasn't nervous or anything. It felt so right, like he was supposed to be there.
We ate dinner and ended up making out on the couch again. We went back to my room and this time, we did it. It felt so good. Some of my friends said it hurt and they regretted it. Yea, it hurt a little, but I didn't feel ashamed or bad after. I felt...happy.
We did it again and again and again. No one was home and we did it wherever. It was crazy! We couldn't stop. We slept in my bed and I was cuddled under him the whole time. I liked the feeling. When I am with him, I feel totally safe. He would never let anyone hurt me.
I don't understand. Dean is my best friend. We grew up together. I have other friends, but they don't know about the life. Dean understands that I got left behind a lot because Dad was chasing a case. He understands why I am always on alert.
He doesn't even know I have had a crush on him for a long time. I didn't want him to feel weird about it. When he got here this year, I walked out to say hello and he looked amazing. He grinned and winked, then punched me in the arm. When we were finally alone,
we said hello like we always did when no one was watching. He grabbed me and gave
me a big bear hug, but my feet weren't touching the floor. I wrapped my arms around his neck, but this time, I didn't want to let go. I hope this doesn't ruin what we have. I kinda hope we could have more.
Dean remembered that day. Danielle had come out the house wearing blue shorts and a white tank top. Her hair was down and she was smiling. Dean had wanted to grab her right there, but their dads were there, which made it impossible.
He flipped through more pages. He stopped on another random one.
July 6, 1996
Dean has the Impala now. We have not been home much at all. Everyone went down to the beach to watch the fireworks. Daddy and John went with Sam, who was going to
meet up with some new friends he made. They are actually pretty nice. They are all
Dean and I drove down to a place we knew. It's deserted. I surprised him with a picnic. He rolled his eyes and told me I was being too girly and I needed to chill. His eyes gave him
away. He liked it.
We threw a blanket down and watched the fireworks. He was laying on his back and I
had my head on his chest. After the fireworks, he went back to the car and turned on some music. He tried to put on Skynyrd, but I just glared at him. He finally let me listen to the
We turned on the radio after a while and this really sweet song came on. I was going to
turn it off, but he reached out and grabbed my hand. He helped me up, wrapped his arms around my waist and told me if I ever told anyone he was slow dancing, he would give
me the Texas Titty Twister from hell.
We danced like that, even when some horrible pop song came on. We ended up doing it
under the stars. It was slow and sweet.
We were lying there when I had to say something stupid. I told him that I kinda liked this and would be a little sad when the summer ended. He rubbed my hair and told me not to think about it. We still had time. That's when I told him that this meant more to me than
he thought. He didn't even say anything. He just rubbed my hair a bit harder and stayed quiet.
I felt like such an idiot. He didn't say anything about it the next day, but I knew I had
scared him or something. He was having fun and I think...I think I may be in love.
Dean thought back to that night. He didn't know why she couldn't understand. When she brought up the end of summer, it hurt. He knew it was coming and they would be parting ways again. He rubbed her hair harder, trying to memorize the feeling of it against his fingers. He didn't want to let his girl go and was trying to think of a way out. He had one more year of school, but after that...
His girl. That is how he thought of her. They never sat down and made a contract or anything, but he didn't want anyone else. He wanted her. She didn't notice how he hovered over her? She didn't notice that when she pulled him by the hand, he would lock his fingers with hers and not let go?
Dean spent some more time flipping through diaries. Eventually he saw an envelope, yellowing from age, amidst the journals. In Danielle's girly, loopy handwriting, his name was written.
He carefully picked up the envelope. Turning it over in his hands, he wondered what he would find inside. He meticulously opened the envelope not wanting to tear into it and read, which was the urge coursing through him. When he finally had it opened, he pulled the letter out and began to drink in the words.
Maybe you will read this one day. Maybe you won't. That doesn't matter.
After all the years of seeing the evil in the world, I know life is short. I also realize some of the mistakes I made. You were one of them.
You know, every guy I ever looked at, I compare to you? They never win. I don't know
why we grew apart. I try not to think about it. I know even after all this time, I still
want you in my life. I miss my friend more than anything, but would be lying if I said I didn't
Some would say I will never get over you because you were my first. I don't agree. I think
I was lucky. The first was someone that I had a deep connection with. How many people
can say that?
Daddy asked me once, a long time ago, if you and I had ever considered dating. I
laughed and told him no. He raised an eyebrow, but let the subject drop.
Dean, I promised myself I would tell you one day that I love you. We lived in a seriously
fucked up world, but we managed to find some happiness. I like to think one day, we will
have the chance to see if we can find it again, but if we don't, hey, I at least had a
If you are reading this, don't you dare laugh at me and call me a girl. I know what you
mean when you say that! You mean it as weak and emotional. I know you better
than you think, you smart ass!
I want you to read everything in this box. Everything here is about you. Some of the
pages are missing. Those are things even you do not need to know. Don't bother looking
for the pages. You won't find them. Don't ask me what is on them. It's none of your
business and I ain't telling.
There is something you do not know about me. I do not want to put it here. If something
ever happens, please contact my maternal grandmother or aunt. They will give you
everything you need to know.
I know you had it rough growing up. Guess we both did, huh? I want you to know that
never mattered to me. I was always happy when I was with you and was proud to say we were friends. I loved you more than I probably ever let on. I still do. I even liked Sam. He was so smart and sweet. I hope he never changes. You, well hoping for you to change is
a waste of time, isn't it? Ha Ha! Dean, love him or leave him, but he ain't gonna change.
Dean, you are a one of a kind. You are annoying, conceited, and downright rude
sometimes, but I think it's a part of what makes you so damn charming. Even if you do
not find happiness with me, I want you to find it somewhere. You damn sure deserve it.
April 20, 2004
PS- Yes, I know what today is and no, I am NOT high!
PPS- I am a little tipsy. Damn tequila.
PPPS- Ok, I am a little bit more than tipsy and it was tequila and vodka.
PPPPS- I'm a lot more than tipsy. Time for bed. I see two of everything and my
On the next page were the names and contact numbers of Danielle's grandmother and aunt. Dean made a mental note to call them as soon as possible, choosing a time which would not encourage the person answering answering to curse at him and disconnect the call.
He reread the letter again. Taking the box with him, he turned off the lamp, before exiting the room. As he crept to his room, he could not help but remember how many times Danielle had been the reason for his smile and his showing off. At least now he knew, his actions had netted him the attention of the only person they were meant for.