A/N - Hey just a random one-shot about Brucas' relationship. It will be sad! That's your warning! Please READ, ENJOY, and REVIEW! Thanks!
I Watch Him-
I watch him. I watch him every day. I watch him everywhere. I watch him as he walks with Peyton attached to his arm. I watch as he smiles at her. I watch him as they both laugh. I watch him as his blue eyes glisten as he whispers softly something in her ear. I watch as her face lights up. I watch him. I watch him and realize that I'll never be with him. I'll never be what he wants.
I remember watching him for the first time as I sat in the back of his car -unclothed that is- waiting for him to come to me after his first game played as a Raven. He told me that he thought I had the wrong car, but I assured him it was no mistake, I just had to get out of that uniform.
I remember watching him as he mentioned that book, "The Winter of Our Discontent" by that Steinbach guy. He said that if I read it, he'd do something for me. So I did. And then we went on our first date which consisted of drinking, fake ids (his name was 'Henry'), pool (which I may add, I won), and of course who could forget the tattoos. I remember watching his face grimace in pain as the needle pricked his skin and the symbol for 'fun' started to form on his upper arm. I sorta felt bad for him as tears from the pain rimmed his eyes. But then after he gently whispered in my ear that "it was worth it".
I remember when I told him that I never really cared about anyone before him and that I was scared. I remember watching him give me a small smile as he told me that he gives a rat's ass about me, too.
I remember watching him the times that we had gotten "caught" doing um certain things. His face turned a crimson as he became shy. Like when Deb found us buying whipped cream and condoms. And when Keith found us almost having sex.
I remember watching his lifeless body after the car accident he had gotten into with Keith. I remember going in that room each time just hoping I'd see his blue eyes once more.
And then not long after, I remember watching him from that horrid web cam. And there I saw him with Peyton in her room. I don't remember ever being so hurt. I thought maybe my eyes were tricking me, and that wasn't my Lucas. It couldn't be. But there he was. I saw him with my own eyes. Him and Peyton.
And then I remember watching the look of anger and sadness in his eyes after the pregnancy scare. I had told him that I lied, I wasn't pregnant. I felt I betrayed him so much just by the look he had given me. But it wasn't like he was innocent either, right? I mean with the whole Peyton thing?
Everytime I watched him he'd just stare back at me with the blue eyes and some emotion would be displayed in them. Whether it be sadness, anger, or happiness, each emotion would touch my heart in a way nobody else could.
I remember watching him after I told him that I would be moving to California because my dad had gotten a job. For a while we had tried to be friends. And things actually were pretty good. But then I saw his facial expression when I told him that I would be leaving. He looked so sad that I thought maybe there was something left in our relationship. But then again maybe not. And he just stared at me and said "What are we going to do?" And I just couldn't answer.
I remember watching him the day before I was leaving. We just spent our time talking. I really was going to miss him. "What are you gonna miss about me the most?" I asked him and then continued. "And it can't be something like hanging out with me." He looked at me. Those deep blue eyes that had become so familiar to me. "I'm gonna miss the girl behind the red door." And then he showed me his door which he had painted red. I couldn't help but smile at him. I wasn't moving!
As we had started getting closer I realized that maybe I was ready for Lucas Scott again. But then I saw it. The box under his bed. The box of Peyton possessed objects. From drawings to cards - they all were Peyton! And then I started acting weird towards him and I watched as he looked confused. I realized that I wasn't ready for him.
"Tell me that was just a goodbye kiss." I mumbled low but he heard. I watched him but I couldn't determine the emotion on his face. It didn't matter though. I was leaving. And besides, I wasn't ready to let him have my heart again. I just couldn't. "I have to go." And I walked out. I was going to California for the summer. Who knows what would happen later, but for now, I wouldn't let him own my heart just yet.
"I'm the guy for you. I know we're just part time and that's cool. Do whatever, have your fun. But one of these nights you're gonna realize I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis, you'll see." I remember watching him say this at the end of summer beach party. He smiled and walked off. And in that moment, that specific time, I became more confused than ever. That Lucas, the Lucas that said those things that warmed my heart, made me want to try again with him. But the Lucas that cared about Peyton made me not want to. Which confused me very much.
And then I remember the expression on his face when he saw me in bed...with Chris Keller. He looked so hurt. I never thought I would be just like he was to me with Peyton. But I guess it wasn't exactly the same because we weren't really official, as we were when he cheated on me with Peyton. But still. He looked like he had died inside.
And then I remember when he forgave me. "There are eighty-two letters in here and they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all this summer, one a day, but I never sent them because I was afraid." "Brooke." "I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before because you hurt me so bad and I was afraid to be vulnerable and I was afraid of you and the way you make me feel. I know that it doesn't matter now after what I did, but I just thought you should know. This is how I spent my summer, Luke, wanting you. I was just too scared to admit it." I remember saying as I cried and shoved the box of letter in his hands while starting to walk away. "Brooke," He called after me, "What you did with Chris, it's okay." He said. From his face I think he was just as surprised at the words that came out of his mouth as I was. "It's not. It can't be. It's too much to forgive." "Well, that's too bad because I forgive you." "You can't." "I just did, so you're just going to have to deal with it. I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis, and I know I hurt you last time we were together-." He said while I cut him off. "I love you." And then I knew I was ready for Lucas Scott again. So I thought...
I remember when Peyton first started getting in the way...again. "Why me this time? Why not Peyton?" "I can't say anything bad about Peyton. She's my friend and she's your best friend." "That's okay, you can say bad things about her." "No Brooke. The truth is I care about Peyton."
"Then what's the difference?" "The difference? The difference is I love you, Brooke. I want to be with you not Peyton." "But why? I need to now why." "Because you kink your eyebrows when you're trying to be cute. Because you quote Kamu even though I've never actually seen you read. And because you miss your parents but you'll never ever admit that. And because, I've given exactly two embarrassing speeches my entire life, and they've both been with you. I mean that's got to mean something. And because we're both gonna get pneumonia but if you need to hear why I love you, I can go on all night." I remember how he said that whole speech. The whole time he just stared at me, with his serious face, through the heavy rain fall. And in that second I fell in love with him all over again.
I remember the day of the shooting. I remember when he got out. I watched the concern look on his face. Except I wasn't sure if he was concerned about me...or Peyton who had gotten shot. But I had to trust him.
And before I knew it, it was all about Peyton again. And at Nathan and Haley's wedding, he accidently told me about the kiss they shared in the library during the shooting. Though he, well they, had betrayed me like this before, this hurt more. I thought he had grown since then. Apparently I was wrong. I remember watching him as he looked confused because he thought I knew about it. That being the reason why I was in a fight with Peyton. But he thought wrong, as did I when I thought I was making a right choice when I let him in my heart months ago. I told him I wasn't mad, I wasn't. But I was so confused I don't know what I was. Peyton would always be better than me.
I remember watching him as I told him that we weren't working anymore. "Listen, I know it's been difficult for you lately, losing Keith, and your heart condition, and giving up basketball. I feel like I've been keeping you close to me to protect you from those things. Like I'm hanging onto the two of us for you, not me." "I'm sorry I kissed Peyton. I should have told you."
"It's not about that Luke. It's not, I mean I thought that it was, but this is not about her. This is about me. I love you Lucas, and I probably always will, but we go days without having a meaningful conversation. And I used to miss you so much when that happened but it never seemed like you missed me. And I guess because of it I stopped missing you. I mean look at today, there was a horrible accident and you haven't even called me...it shouldn't be like this Luke. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore." "Brooke, I'm sorry." "Yeah me too." I wished he would had said something else like, 'Brooke, we can make this work.' Or Brooke 'I love you, please.' But he didn't. He just sat there, or stood, my memory isn't that clear. I do try to forget about that painful memory. But I do remember the look I saw on his face. That he was sad but in a way also relieved. He looked like he was confused about what to do.
And then I remember watching Peyton and him together. They eventually hooked up. It pained me, but maybe it was all for the best. I remember that we went to the banquet together and both realized that we just weren't meant to be. Thinking back, I still don't know if I was telling the truth or just trying to convince myself that. Watching him, I think he was telling me the truth. Though hoped he wasn't, hoped he was still in love with me. I still don't know.
I remember as I watched him after his car accident in the hospital. How he just lay there, I told him that he needed to wake up...for Peyton.
"She was fiercly independent. Brooke Davis. Brilliant and beautiful and brave. In two years she had grown more than anymore I'd ever known. Brooke Davis is going to change the world someday and I'm not even sure she knows it." I remember watching him as he showed me his bound book and showed me a page and urged me to read it. And I did. "You're gonna do great, Brooke." He said once I had finished reading. What he wrote melted my heart. It was so sweet. I was about to ask him what he had wrote about Peyton...but I figured I'd leave it alone. If I become upset it would just make what he wrote about me seem insignificant. But that was far from true. What he wrote was possibly one of the sweetest things I'd ever read. I'd just leave it at that. We were going separate ways for college and I wanted us to end on a good note, well as good as it could be.
And now I watch him, as he stands at the end of the aisle waiting for his bride to walk down. And then I see Peyton in her wedding gown and I just can't help but feel so jealous. I bite my bottom and close my eyes, hoping this would help me contain my tears.
I watch him all the time and I know I'll never be what he wants nor be with him.
A/N - Good? Bad? Lemme know, leave a review:)