Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. It is the sole property of Masashi Kishimoto. All rights reserved.

And Now for Something Completely Different!

Genre: Humor/Parody/Romance/Friendship

Pairings: Sakura/Everyone, other minor pairings

Rating: T to M

Summary: Series of pointless, random, fluffy, plot-less, and humorous one-shots focused on Haruno Sakura. OOC-ness ahead!

Warning: Cursing, sexual hints & humor, character poking, OOC characters, not very canon, and lot of mindless humor.

Dedicated: To the lovers and fans of Haruno Sakura and all of those who really just want a nice, good laugh!

Story One: Sakura's stay at the Akatsuki.

An Akatsuki's Sleepover

"How the hell did this happen?" Sakura asked to no one in particular as she sat on her bed in the well-furnished room. It really was a nice room. Lovely even. There was a large bed, bookshelves filled with medical books, even a bunch of stuffed toys in a corner.

It was like this room was primed with all the details for her.

It creeped Sakura out.

"Friggen old lady. Stupid puppet." She grumbled, glaring daggers at the door.

Her situation was not a normal one that was for sure. Hell, she never expected something like this to happen. Sure she was the apprentice of the current Hokage. And yes, she was the student of the infamous Hatake Kakashi. And, ok, sure her best friend (and possible love interest) was Uzumaki Naruto.

But still didn't mean she should've been kidnapped by the Akatsuki! It just wasn't fair!

The pinkette girl grumbled, getting very upset by the passing seconds.

As she was fighting against Sasori one of his limbs grazed upon her skin filling her with venom that led her to be paralyzed in a matter of seconds, if she wasn't Haruno Sakura she might've been killed instead of limp.

That wouldn't have been so bad. She had a comrade at the moment. All she needed was a few seconds of help and she would've been right as rain.

Too bad she never got that friggen help.

Chiyou-Baa-sama had left her behind with laughter and a peace sign, chortling something about great-grandchildren. Whatever that meant.

The point was, the old hag had betrayed her. She had been in communication with her grandson and had planned for this to happen from the start.

To think that Sakura liked the old hag.

She thought she would be killed. There was no way she could counter-act the venom with the Akatsuki member approaching. If he fell and cracked his pretty little skull, maybe. But not when he was hurrying to her side, more venom at the ready.

But instead of killing her, he picked her up once he was sure she would remain limp (and not rip his teeth from his gums) and left.

Sakura had been in a panic. He took her to the secret base and she had found herself surrounded by members of the dreaded Akatsuki. With half-lidded eyes she watched as they talked to each other. Everything had been incoherent thanks to the drugs so she was unable to make out their plan, sadly.

But she gathered that they were arguing over something. Heck, Kisame even had the gall to slap the blond, Deidara if her memory was functioning right, over the head.

Finally they seemed to agree on something and she was found in the arms of none other than Uchiha Itachi.

Oh, Sakura had wanted to scream. She wanted to snarl, bite, and punch. This was the man that caused Sasuke to go all bastard on all of them! When she was able to move without feeling high the man's ponytail was going to be his noose!

He had brought her to the room she was currently in and with act of tenderness she didn't know an Uchiha had tucked her in and brushed a strand of hair from her face before leaving.

A few hours later, present time, Sakura was now wide-awake, fully capable of moving, and waiting for someone to come in and explain what is happening.

Too say she was pissed was beyond an understatement. Her ego was bruised, her trust shattered, and she was starving. The first person to walk inside the room was going to receive absolute hell. Banshee-level hell.

The coral-pink-haired girl stiffened when she heard and felt movement from the other side of the door. She remained calm, ready to pounce and kill the man who walked in the door.

With a creak the door slowly opened and a pale blue hand with black-nail polish flicked a switch, leaving her momentarily blind by the light. Looking up she was ready to begin cursing at Itachi's partner when her jaw dropped.

There was Kisame with a big grin and a blush on his face, an apron around his body, a tray of food in one hand, and an Akatsuki style cloak (though it appeared more feminine) in the other.

"Hello Sakura-chan! I hope you slept well!" He chirped.

"Urm…Yes, thank-you?" She squawked back, not one for being rude when she was being spoken to so politely. His grin went wider as he handed her the tray, looking down she was in awe too see the amazing breakfast selection before her. "Um…Thanks." Looking up she noticed he was fidgeting. "Did you make this?"

"Oh!" He looked around bashfully. "Yes I did."

"It looks marvelous." She took a bite, her charka all set to counter-act any poisons. She was pleasantly surprised when it not only did not have poison it was very good. "And it taste as good as it looks. Thank you er…" Well he was calling her Sakura-chan so her guess was that she could call him his name with a Kun. "Kisame-kun?"

His face went from its normal blue to a bright red as he began to sputter, "O-oh, i-it's not that good! Um…Here!" He shoved the item of clothing under her nose. "I made this just for you!"

"Dwah?"

Here was a deadly shinobi part of the most deadly-shinobi-group and he was acting like a schoolboy with a crush. Not fully understanding what was going on she grasped the cloak and looked up at him.

Was this another ruse? Was he trying to get her guard down so he could kill her without looking?

Kisame fidgeted again and did something she thought no man would do; he cried out and ran from her room and into the hall, looking much like a certain white-eyed female she knew. "Um…uuuh…wait…what?"


Shizune gasped as her sensei told her the news; Haruno Sakura is now the prisoner of the Akatsuki.

"Wh-what?! How did this happen? Have we received any news from the group yet? Are they using her as bait or ransom to get Naruto-kun? Dear Kami-sama! What if they're raping her?" The black-haired woman's sorrows were cut off when her blond teacher gave off a sob.

Holding on to her hand-made Sakura-plushie, her desk surrounded by pictures of the pink-haired girl, the Hokage cried. "MY BABY!" She wailed as she hugged the doll tighter to her chest. "MY PRECIOUS BABY!"

"Er…Tsuande-sama?" The younger woman asked stepping away slightly from the woman. It was known that during the training Tsunade gave Sakura the two had grown very close, like mother and daughter, and the blond was more than over-protective over the small teenager. "Sh-should we form a group to go and get her back?"

"I WANT MY BABY BACK!" Somewhere in the background the Chili's theme song began.

"That's a yes." Shizune sighed as she began to make the arrangements for a group to bring back Konoha's Cherry Blossom.


Grasping the handle of her door, Sakura wanted to hit herself on the head. It was unlocked; it had been the entire time, meaning she has been sitting on her ass, staring at the door waiting for someone to come in, and it had been unlock the whole time.

"Stupid Haruno." She grunted. Taking a moment of preparation, she inhaled and exhaled. She needed to be ready for anything she would be facing outside this door.

Growling she pushed the door opened and looked around the hall-way blinking at all the many doors that she saw.

"Damn it. I had hoped this would be easy." She muttered angrily as she looked back and forth down the hallway, not knowing which direction she should take.

Her plotting was cut off when arms wrapped around her waist, "Saku-chan!"

Squealing she elbowed the intruder in the stomach and spun around and landed in a fighting position only to stop and blink at the sight before her. A feminine looking blond-male, whose hairstyle was quite similar to her rival and friend's, was gasping but grinning like an idiot as he hunched over clutching his stomach.

"Nice shot Saku-chan! Yeah!"

"Err…? Thank you?" He looked familiar; she believed he was the one that Naruto and Kakashi-Sensei went after. 'Oh yeah, that's right. He stole Gaara-san and the two went after them—Deidara or something.' Scratching the back of her head she gave him a nervous grin, "Um…what's your name?"

His grin grew wider, "I'm Deidara! Please to meet'cha Saku-chan!" He chirped.

'What. The. Hell?' Sakura thought, twitching.

The Akatsuki was well known as being cold, cruel, calculating, and merciless. But so far the ones she has met have been like little boys.

Kisame was shy and Deidara is a mischievous kid that looked like he wanted to blow something up.

"Why am I here exactly?" She mentally cursed, that certainly did not sound threatening. "I mean—What the hell am I doing here you bastard?" She growled out, now that sounded better. Much more menacing.

But instead of having the male grovel at her feat in fear at her strength and amazing ways of the ninja, he laughed. The type of laugh Kakashi use to do whenever she tried to perform a task but failed. The 'aw-you're-to-cute-to-yell-at' type of laugh that made her sick. She made sure her sensei understood that she was not just a pretty face.

And she was about to do the same to this jerk.

"Stop laughing at me!" Sakura screamed as she punched the ground, shattering it beneath their feet. Her chakra hadn't been sealed. That was nice to know.

The blond flipped back with a squeak.

"S-sorry Sakura-chan! I really am, yeah!" To her confusion, amazement, and horror, his eyes began to tear up. "I r-really a-am! Don-don't hate me, un!" He then began to sob as he fell to his knees. Every so often she could hear a whimper of "yeah" and "sorry".

Sakura, being the easily moved and kind person she is, had guilt instantly sweep over her. She truly had a very tender heart that really never did her any good.

"O-oh, um…it's ok. I guess I was being too sensitive…" Of course she wasn't! She was still far too naturally inclined to apologize for something that wasn't her fault! "It's ok Deidara—er—kun? I don't hate you?"

It came off more of a question than a statement, but the blond didn't seem to know this as his visible eye brightened as he tackled her to the ground.

"OOOOH! THANK YOU SAKU-CHAN!" He sang out as he nuzzled himself against the side of her face. "You're so kind and forgiving! Have my babies!" And his mouth descended on her what almost appeared to go in slow motion.

"HUH?!" She squeaked as she froze up.

However just as when his mouth was about to brush against hers an artificial hand grabbed his hair and tossed him over a shoulder. "WHAAAA!" The clay-maker cried out as he connected to the wall, face-first.

Sakura blinked when she found herself scooped up in another pair of artificial arms. Looking up she came across two cold brown eyes and a messy mop of red-hair.

"YOU! YOU PUPPET-ASS-BASTARD!" She screamed and punched him square in the face.


"WHAAAAAT!?" The normal soft-spoken and withdrawn Hinata screamed at the top of her lungs as the rest of the chunins gasped out and looked on in horror. "SAKURA-CHAN HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!" She then spun on her heels and punched Naruto, but grabbed his collar to prevent him from flying off. She then gave Kakashi an uppercut to the jaw but grabbed the mask and pulled him down to her eye level. "AND YOU TWO MORONS JUST ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN?!"

The two males were knocked out at the moment and were unable to answer the unstable Hyuuga-female, which lead to her anger to grow. "ANSWER ME YOU DAMN IDIOTS!"

"WHAAAA! I WANT MY CHERRY BLOSSOM BACK!" Tsunade cried out, clearly unaware at what was happening seeing as she was too consumed with her anguish. "MY BABY! MY ADORABLE LITTLE BABY!"

"Tsunade-sama," Hyuuga Neji began as he stepped foreword looking as calm as ever, though inside he was pissed off as hell. 'MY SAKURA-CHAN IS SUROUNDED BY MEN! SHE SHOULD BE SUROUNDED BY ME!' At the moment he didn't really care if that made sense or not, right now he was about to kick major ass, starting with the two people who should've been protecting her on the mission. "We will get Sakura-san back."

TenTen and Lee were moping in a corner. Gloom was the only term that could be used to describe them. They were cultivating mushrooms in a corner, rain clouds dumping water on them.

"We left her alone. We left Sakura-chan alone." The brunette moaned, tears pouring down her face.

"My Sakura-san…." Was all that Lee produced.

"CHAAAAA!" Ino screamed. "MY BEST FRIEND IS OUT THERE AND ALL WE ARE DOING IS TALKING! SCREW THAT!" She then punched her open-palm. "Let's get it on! I'm ready to kick ass and take no prisoners!"

Her two male teammates nodded in agreement.

"We're ready to do what it takes to get Sakura-san back." Shikamaru stated as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "We're not about to let those in the Akatsuki get away with taking her." In case none of you knew, the Nara genius had a rather large crush on the pink-haired beauty.

Chouji gave a nod as well, "Sakura-san will be rescued!"

"THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOUR BEST FRIEND!" The raging Hinata screamed at Ino. She threw the two males against the wall with super-human strength that only appeared when she was angry—and in this case she was about to maul something and now her sight has moved to Ino. "LAST TIME I CHECKED BITCH, SHE WAS MINE!"

The blond snarled and looked over at the Hyuuga Heiress. "Your best friend? I don't think so you stupid white-eyed-freak!" Ino placed her hands on her hips as her blue eyes flared. "Sakura is MINE!"

"SAKURA BELONGS TO ME!" Hinata screeched as she then tackled the blond, her battle cry echoing in the room.

TenTen, who normally would've joined the battle, continued to sob in the corner of the office. The brunette was now rocking back and forth, racked with guilt. "My precious Sakura-chan—I left her alone with that old woman…OMIGAWD! WHAT IF SHE WAS MOLESTED!" She screamed out as she stood up.

Everyone in the room paled and looked at each other before fire burned in their eyes. Looking over at the Hokage they cried out, "We'll take the mission!"


"You ass! It's all your fault! And your grandma's fault! And your fault!" Sakura screeched as she tried to escape from his hold.

"You said it was my fault twice." He stated with amusement, his gold eyes shinning with mirth and another emotion Sakura wasn't too aware of.

"Well—it's doubly your fault! Hah! Take that! And what are you smirking at? Do you know how weak you are making me look? I'm—once again—the stupid damsel in distress! JERK! I HATE BEING WEAK!" She complained as she continued her best to escape his strong grasp on her. "Let me go!"

"I think not."

Sakura felt her eyebrow twitch and a vein in her head throb. She was dealing with another 'I-am-emo-and-hot-and-total-bad-ass-so-fear-me-and-my-cold-sexy-ways-of-doom' type of person.

As if Gaara, Neji, and Sasuke wasn't enough.

"Drop dead you puppet." She huffed out as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well technically I'm already dead."

Sakura stopped and blinked only to then curse. "You know what I meant! Why did you kidnap me anyway?"

Walking towards the room she was in before he chuckled, "Well there are many reasons why I was sent to kidnap you." That made Sakura blink. "Yes my mission was to obtain you."

"Bu-bu-bu-"

"But what about the Jinchuurikis you mean? Well of course we are still aiming for them—but we were to first obtain the One-Tail. With our recourses we discovered that you and the Nine-Tails would be coming which made everything all the easier." He said.

"Wha…b-but…"

"Hatake Kakashi and the Godaime Tsunade are your teachers, Uzumaki Naruto the Nine-Tails, Uchiha Sasuke, Sabuko no Gaara the One-Tail and the Kazekage, Hyuuga Neji, Inuzuka Kiba, Nara Shikamaru, Aburme Shino, and Sabuko no Kankuro all are after your heart and body. You are, of course, the prime target as a hostage."

Now that made Sakura blink in confusion, "Huh?" She knew about being the student of powerful shinobi, and that her and Naruto were BFFs, but…what? What the hell was he talking about with the rest of them?

He shook his head, "You are way too innocent." He purred out. "You are unable to see that you are the most sought out female."

"Dwah?" She squeaked out still obviously not getting it, her eyebrow twitching. "What do you mean I am the most sought out female? I would've known it I was!...What do you mean be sought out female?"

Sasori chuckled again, "Just what I said—many males want you."

Her sea-foam-eyes blinked. "Ok, want me how?"

Sasori sighed. For someone so intelligent she sure was dense. He thought she was a medical-nin, yet she didn't seem to understand the concept of sex and desire of men.

"Don't worry—I'll teach you everything."

"Uh—Ok?"


"Damn-it!" Hinata cursed as she looked around her surroundings. "SAKURA-CHAN! WHERE ARE YOU!?" She screamed out.

"Don't answer to the Hinata-bitch! Answer me! Your best friend—YAMANAKA INO! DON'T WORRY SAKURA! I'LL SAVE YOU!" The blond cried out as she shoved the girl with long purple-hair out of the way.

"THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU'LL SAVE HER?!" The Hyuuga Heiress screeched as she grabbed Ino's long hair.

Behind them, most everyone else was having similar arguments.

"She's going to be Hyuuga Sakura!" Neji hissed.

"No, she's going to be Uzumaki Sakura!" Naruto snapped back.

"Nara Sakura is better." Shikamaru stated, the leader of the mission.

"PAH!" Kiba spat out. "She's going to be an Inuzuka!"

"I happen to think Aburame Sakura fits her quite well." Shino stated bluntly.

Leaning against her boyfriend's shoulder TenTen continued to cry, "My Sakura-chan!" Lee was going right along with her.

"Um—" Kakashi began. "We should probably go to Suna first and tell them what is happening. They need to know that they have a traitor in the midst and that Sakura has been captured by Sasori."

"NO!" They all screamed.

Kakashi blinked his visible eye. "Why not?"

"Temari." Hinata, Ino, and TenTen hissed out.

"Gaara and Kankuro." The males, minus Chouji and Lee, growled out.

"Oh…well our mission is it retrieve Sakura-chan and we need all the help we can get. So we are going to Suna."

"NOOOOOO!"


"Oh Naruto! You are so much better than Sasuke-teme!" Sakura purred out as she kissed along the blonde's lips and whiskers. "I don't know why I went after that lame bastard when I could've had you all along!"

"It is ok, my precious blossom. Now we are together and that is all that matters." Naruto purred right back as he kissed her up along her neck.

"Oh Naruto! TAKE ME NOW!"

Sasuke sat up screaming, clutching his stuffed Sakura doll to his chest, black eyes wide. 'That was horrible!' He wailed internally as he hugged the doll closer. "My precious Sakura—You wouldn't leave me for that dobe!"

He shuddered again, trying to get the images out of his mind. It was nightmarish. Sakura, no longer in love with him? That was the most disturbing thing he could ever think of. And with the dobe of all people!

"Wait a minute, my Sakura-senses are…are…are…TINGLING! SAKURAAAA!" He screeched as she jumped out of his bed, which was covered with dolls of Sakura, a pillow shaped like Sakura, and his comforter that had pictures of Sakura.

In simple terms his whole room was a shrine to his ex-teammate.

He quickly stripped himself of his pajamas, also having imprints of Sakura, and placed on his Sound uniform. "Sakura is in danger! Those bastards! I knew I should've brought her with me! We could've already been making babies!"

He zoomed out of his room, knocking over Kabuto and burning the clothes off Orochimaru.

"Was that Sasuke-kun?" An Orochimaru clad in puppy-dog briefs asked.

"I believe his so-called, "Sakura senses" were "tingling". Meaning she is being hit on more than likely. The same thing happens to you when Tsunade-sama is being hit on."

"Ah yes. Poor Tsunade-chan always being hit on by that pervert instead of by me—that and she thinks I'm gay and a pedophile."

The silver-haired man twitched, "Can you really blame her?"


"WHAT!?" Temari cried out. "My Sakura-chan has been kidnapped? You!" She pointed to the girls. "How could you let this happen to my future sister in law!? THAT GIRL BELONGED TO ME!"

TenTen looked at her rival square in the eye, "Sakura is MINE! And she will be with Neji—that way she's like my sister-in-law!"

Hinata nodded her head, her thoughts along the same line, "Or with Kiba-kun or Shino-kun—but if she is married to my cousin then I will live with her! HA!" She pointed at the brunette who frowned.

Neji could be seen smirking triumphantly at the boys who were growling and their eyes twitching.

"Feh! She's going to be with Shikamaru and then she will be part of Team 10." Ino huffed out haughtily as she flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder. "Besides she is my best friend and was my best friend first!"

"Yeah, but she broke it off because you were a suffocating bitch!" Temari screeched out. "She prefers me anyway and she should—right Chouji?" She flirted to the pleasantly plump and pleasantly tall man.

Ino snarled "Don't drag my Chouji into this!"

The girl with blueberry-purple hair twitched, "You mean my Chouji—don't you?"

"Now I know how Sakura-san feels." The male being argued about groaned as he rubbed the back of his neck in an awkward fashion. "Listen, right now we shouldn't be arguing about who owns who—Sakura-san has been captured by the Akatsuki who are ruthless and merciless and not to mention it is because of an elderly woman in you village that this has happened."

Gaara nodded, as he continued glaring at the male population. "I will have someone obtain her right away and begin the interrogation." He then moved to his desk and took off his cloak, placing on his gourd. "I will assist you in your mission."

Kankuro stepped foreword, "And so will I."

"HELL NO!" The males, besides Kakashi, Lee, and Chouji, yelled.

"I will too." The eldest sand-sibling stated, making the girl's screech with distaste.

"No." Gaara ordered.

"What?" Temari gasped out, ignoring the smug looks from the females.

"You and the rest of the females will stay here and help the interrogation. You all seem to let your emotions for Sakura-san blind you—you argue more than you work." To say he was being a bit hypocritical would be an understatement. "Besides I need someone to keep things in order while I am gone. And since I do not trust you all too actually get along and do work I am placing Ackimichi-san here as well."

Three girls' eyes sparkled and turned sharply as they looked at the sweating male with a very creepy grin.

"B-But shouldn't someone like—er—Lee or Kakashi stay? They can help the girl's out more so than I can."

Gaara closed his eyes and nodded, "Good idea—these girls are maniacs, you need all the help you can get. Rock-san and Hatake-san, you two will also remain here; the rest of us will go obtain Sakura-san." 'And make her my WIFE! HAHAHAHA!'

"Yeah baby! You get your girl!" Shukaku cheered on. "The girl belongs to us! Let's see that stupid fox get her now!"

'Please, Naruto is a pathetic chump—no where near as sexy or as bad-ass as me.' Gaara stated with a smirk, forgetting that Naruto had defeated him some time ago.

'Why do I have the feeling that Gaara and that stupid squirrel of his are making fun of me?' Naruto asked as his eyebrow twitched.

"Because they most likely are." Kyuubi hissed. "That Shukaku—he was never able to get over that I am so much more powerful and so much better looking then him." He huffed.

'We both are better looking than those bastards! Sakura-chan will be MINE!'

"DAMN STRAIGHT!"

Kakashi cleared his throat, "Are you sure that is a wise decision Kazekage-sama? All of you are very…Sakura-obsessed as well. You all have a tendency of fighting over her."

Shikamaru looked at the older male, "We understand the importance of this mission Kakashi-sensei—we all can and will put our differences aside and rescue Sakura-san. We would not let our…battle endanger her. But the Kazekage is right. We need some to remain here to interrogate and keep the village in order."

The other males nodded as they tried not to glare at each other in rivalry.

'Damn-it, my precious Sakura is going to be molested.' Kakashi thought as his shoulders slumped.


"SAKURAAAAAAAA!" Sasuke cried out as he jumped over the wall of Konoha and burst into the room of the Hokage, who was still moping. "You! The old hag with the rack! Where the hell is Sakura? And—are those new pictures of her?" He asked as he reached over to take a picture and see how she has changed.

He had no chance.

The Hokage grabbed his hand and flipped him over her shoulder, pinning him to her desk, a knee on his windpipe. "Don't touch my shrine of Sakura! You traitor!" She then began to bitch slap him. "You caused my Sakura so much pain! I should kill you where you stand! In fact—I think I will!"

Sasuke growled and with a POOF disappeared from her grasp, reappearing behind her, he grabbed one of her arms and twisted it behind her back and used his free arm to wrap around her throat. "I do not have time for this—where is Sakura!?"

Tsunade stopped struggling and everything that happened came back to her and she began to bawl. "MY BABY! MY BABY WAS TAKEN BY THE AKATSUKI!"

Sasuke stopped short, "The Akatsuki—the one my stupid big-brother is apart of?" His eyes went wide. "MY SAKURA!" And with that jumped out the window and ran faster than he ever has before towards the secret location of the Akatsuki.

But if it was so secret how the hell did he and the rest of the gang know where it was? Let's just blame it on laziness partaken by the author of this particular episode.


"So um-" Sakura began nervously as she was placed on her bed with Sasori sitting next to her. "What exactly are you going to show me?" She asked as she rubbed the back of her neck in a familiar fashion as Chouji had done.

She squeaked when she was shoved gently on her bed—Sasori encasing her body with his. "Uh-uh…Sasori wh-what are you doing?"

"Just showing you what it means to be wanted." He purred out.

"Oh—shit." She cursed when he began to kiss her up along the neck.

The redhead was about to lean down and kiss the girl on the lips when a dark aura and charka filled the room. Sasori snarled before he looked over his shoulder and saw Uchiha Itachi, his sharingan glowing with rage and his lips pulled back tightly.

"Sasori-san, what do you think you are doing?" He asked his voice stone cold.

"Just teaching our guest a few things." He mocked back. "I would appreciate it if you leave so I can continue the lesson."

The elder Uchiha frowned, "I will not leave—if you would please get off our guest, she seems a bit uncomfortable." The two glared at each other, while Sakura remained underneath Sasori watching the two. "Leader wants to speak with her."

The redhead growled, but picked himself off her small body and allowed her to get off the bed. Itachi stepped aside opening the door for the pink-hair girl, Sakura flushed at his action and brushed past him, failing to see the normal aloof and control Itachi stick his tongue out at the puppet master with a smug grin and she also failed to see Sasori began to throw a tantrum at his loss.


"This is bullshit—and stop glaring at me you stupid squirrel!" Naruto barked as he pointed an accusing finger at the redhead. "My Sakura-chan is in danger! And we said we weren't going to fight if it will place her in danger!"

"Stop calling him a squirrel you stupid dick." Gaara snarled out, a vein throbbing in his head. "Just because I have-"

"Raccoon—squirrel—a rat—a disease-carrying-feces-sputtering-rodent?" Neji asked sarcasm in his voice as he glared at the Kazekage. "Have your choice—either way that's what's inside of you."

The male twitched and his sand began to swirl threateningly and his green eyes seem to glow with rage. 'I'M NOT A RODENT!' The inner demon roared.

"Stop calling him a rodent." Gaara hissed out as he clenched and unclenched his fist trying to calm his fury. "You stupid fate-obsessed-bastard."

Neji growled, "Don't insult fate—it will come back and bite you in the ass, it always does."

Gaara smirked, "For you that is."

Shikamaru sighed and intervened the fight that was starting up, "That is enough you two. We have a mission and if we fail Sakura-san could be harmed." It was obvious he didn't want to say killed when it concerns the Haruno girl. "We must not allow this stupid spat we all are having to endanger her." He shoved his hands in his pocket. "Besides if she is harmed in anyway the girls and Tsuande-sama will beat the living manhood out of us."

The other males shuddered in fear—they all have faced a female's wrath and it was a very frightful experience. They all had nightmares for weeks; Shino didn't even sleep after he accidentally pissed Hinata off during her time of the month.

Besides, no one hurt Sakura!


The Haruno girl sneezed. 'Whoa, that came out of no where.' She thought as she followed Itachi through the maze of the hideout, taking time to memorize the path. If able she would try and take out the leader later. 'OH, HELL YEAH! I'M GOING TO TAKE DOWN THE AKATSUKI ALL BY MYSELF! WHOSE YOUR BITCH?!'

"Please keep up; he does not like those who are late." The older Uchiha stated.

Her head snapped up, her green eyes narrowed, "I do not take orders—especially from traitors who kidnapped me!"

"If you didn't give your trust to anything that walks by, you wouldn't be in this position." Itachi calmly retorted back.

"Ouch—that was below the belt." Sakura snapped sarcastically. "And how was I supposed to know that old fart was still in communications with her so-called-grandson and this organization? She was a highly respected kunoichi in Suna!" She crossed her arms over her chest. "I feel bad enough as it is—I really liked and trusted that hag."

He raised an eyebrow, "Feeling betrayed?"

The small girl snorted, "Yeah and not the first time either—with your ass of a brother. Really why did you have to go and kill your entire family? You screwed up your brother pretty damn good. It's all, "I'm an avenger!"—"I'm better than you cause I'm an avenger!"—or "Sakura you are annoying cause I'm an avenger!" Ugh!" She shook her head. "He has serious OCD."

The tall male smirked at her, "Does my foolish little brother speak like that?"

She shrugged, "He might as well—he has called me annoying and said to Naruto that he was better than him. HAH! Naruto just held back during the fight so he wouldn't kill the bastard…WHOSE THE ANNOYING WEAK-ASS NOW BITCH!?"


Sasuke, who was running through the trees, cried out in absolute agony and clutched his heart before falling down to the ground. On the ground his eyes were wide, he was panting, and it appeared like he was close to tears.

"S-Sakura just insulted me…NOOOOOOOOO! LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY?!"


The elder Uchiha smirked at her insane-ways. "You are quite an interesting character, Sakura-san."

She stopped her plotting of Sasuke's demise at this. Looking up her eyes wide and her cheeks red she did the only thing she could, stutter out gratitude. "U-u-uh…th-thank y-y-you." She had a right to be like this—it wasn't everyday the all-so-sexy-bad-ass Itachi complimented someone.

"Welcome."

And he was so polite! The complete opposite of his good-for-nothing brother!

And is it kinda weird and out-of-character that these two normal enemies are having a civil—almost flirty—conversation? No? That's what I thought too!

"This is where the leader is waiting for you—he will be explaining things to you and about your stay with us." Itachi stated as he opened the door, like a gentleman, and gently ushered the small girl inside.

Once in, the girl gulped at the darkness surrounding her. "U-uhm…Hello?"

All of a sudden a figure blanketed in shadow appeared—his grey eyes glimmering dangerously at her. "Hello, Sakura."

Sakura let out a loud wail, not expecting him to appear like a ghost, and reeled her fist back and punched him straight on the nose. "DIE EVIL GHOSTIE OF DEATH!"

"Oooh—the—pain…" He groaned out.

Sakura blinked before she let out a sheepish laugh, "Heheh…sorry!"


"It's this way."

"No—it's this way."

"Damn it—I think I would know where my precious Sakura-chan would be…it's this way!"

"Dobe, that's a cliff!"

"Shut-up white-eyes-bastard!"

"The hide-out is this way! Akamaru and I can smell Sakura's beautiful scent!"

"You are wrong Inuzuka—my insects are informing me that the Akatsuki is position in the direction of north-west, not south-east."

"This is too troublesome—it's this way."

"Pah! Says you! I think it's this way!"

"Why would an organization like the Akatsuki locate their layer there? No you moron it would be this way."

To put it quite mildly the large group of males is a bit lost at the moment and cannot quite decide which way to go. Poor—poor morons…And poor—poor Sakura! What fate awaits her now?


Next Chapter!: Part two of Sakura's stay with the notorious assassin group the Akatsuki!