AN: Oh I feel bad for letting you guys wait so long for an update on this... sorry, sorry, sorry.
Many thankies and huggles to the best beta on earth ... my lovely chris4short.
I hope you guys will like the chapter... it's still present time.
"Hawkes," Danny called. Hawkes turned and stopped in his tracks. He was just on his way home.
"You're going home now?" Danny asked. Hawkes nodded.
"Thought you went home yourself hours ago?"
Danny caught up with him. "I've waited for ya. I wanted to ask you, if you could check on Linds?"
Hawkes nodded. "Sure."
Danny smiled slightly. "Thanks." Hawkes nodded. Then they continued their way out of the lab.
"To tell the truth, I really don't know what I am going to do, Hawkes." Danny took off his glasses and closed his eyes. "I don't think that I can look into her eyes, lying to Lindsay."
Sheldon looked confused. "Lying to her? About what?"
"I cannot tell her that I talked to the guy who took Emily."
Hawkes stopped. "You did?"
Danny nodded and looked down. "He called me when I was in Mac's office. We tried to trace him, but we weren't able to. He hung up before we had the chance."
"What did he tell you?"
"That he'll destroy my family like I did with his."
"What?" Hawkes grabbed Danny's arm. "What is he talking about?"
Danny shook his head. "I have no idea."
"What about your brother?" Hawkes asked cautiously. He knew that mentioning Louie still hit Danny pretty bad. He wasn't talking about him often, but when he did, he just talked about the better times in his childhood with his brother. Danny stopped and looked straight into his eyes.
"What about him? I never was into his business. I never joined the Tanglewood Boys. I never wanted and I was never proud of what Louie did." Danny looked down to the floor and shook his head. He sighed. Then he looked back at Hawkes and gestured with his hands. "These guys are responsible for what had happened to him. If any, then it would have been me who should've done something to one of them." He breathed out heavy and Hawkes could tell Danny tried hard to stay calm.
"I really don't know, Hawkes. All I know is that I'll do everything in my power to get my daughter back."
She didn't exactly know what time it was as she woke up again, but she knew it was time for Emily's feeding. So she got up, went to the bedroom and put on one of her more comfortable shirts. Well in fact it was one of Danny's shirts she always wore while breast-feeding Emily. She left the bedroom again and went to the kitchen. She put on the water boiler and prepared herself some tea. It always helped her to calm down while holding her daughter and breast-fed her. It was almost a ritual for her now and she knew, if she would expect another baby, and she so wanted another baby with Danny, she would do it all again... exactly the same way.
Suddenly she heard her daughter starting to cry.
"Peanut, I'm almost there," she called and filled her teacup with hot water. Then she went straight to Emily's room.
She smiled as she entered the room, seeing all the little clouds on the wall Danny had painted. She so loved him for that, because nearly in the beginning of her pregnancy she'd often told him about the view over the great Montanan wheat fields and looking at the mountains and how the clouds always reflected in the clear mountain lakes, she so missed. One day he'd surprised her with Emily's future room. He'd painted it all alone and then it was that she couldn't even think about one thing why in the world she'd deserved a man like him.
But he just loved her and he was so excited to become a daddy. This was one thing, he'd told her one day as he'd kissed her – back then – still flat stomach, he'd never thought would happen to him.
But it had and he was more than proud of his little daughter and his beautiful wife.
She focused her mind back on Emily.
"Hey cutie, mommy's here and now we'll get only mommy's tea out of the kitchen and then the two of us will be sitting down in the rocking-chair daddy had bought for us and you'll get something to eat."
Lindsay walked over to Emily's baby cot and suddenly reality hit her. She took a few steps back. Shaking her head she collapsed to the floor. She buried her face in her hands and cried.
Danny opened the door slowly.
"Lindsay," he called, but got no answer. Hawkes entered the apartment after him. Danny turned.
"Maybe she's still sleeping," he said and laid the apartment keys on the counter next to the door.
"Linds," he asked again and went to the living room. He saw the blanket lying halfway on the couch, Emily's stuffed horse on the floor.
"Danny," Hawkes called. Danny went to the kitchen.
"Ya," he asked. Hawkes pointed on the, still steaming, cup of tea.
Danny looked at Hawkes. "What time is it?"
Hawkes took a look at his watch. "Almost 7:30. Why?"
"Damn," Danny said.
"Lindsay…" he started, but rushed out of the kitchen. Hawkes followed him. Danny went straight to Emily's room. "She's used to feed Emily around 7:30."
He entered the room and stopped immediately in his tracks as he saw her sitting on the floor.
"Lindsay," Danny whispered. He went over to her and knelt down beside her.
"Linds, what happened?"
"I… I wanted to feed Emily. It's time for her!" Lindsay said and looked into Danny's eyes. He shook his head and caught her in his arms.
"She's not here, Montana!"
Danny stroked her back, not noticing that Hawkes was still watching them.
Hawkes watched his friends and it hurt. He couldn't imagine how it felt like losing their own child and not knowing if you would see them ever again. He didn't know how it felt like - at least not now. Though he dated Stella for quite a while now, both of them had decided not to speed things up that fast.
But he wanted to be with her. And he wanted it so badly. But right now, he saw what could happen. And it scared the hell out of him.
"Maybe it's the best, if I would come over another day," he finally said. Danny looked up at him. He released himself from Lindsay and helped her to get up.
"No," he said. "It's okay. I asked you to come over."
"What for?" Lindsay asked. Danny looked at her and rubbed warmth in her arms.
"To check on you," he answered. "The whole situation right now. I don't want you to get hurt more than you already are. I couldn't stand it, Linds."
"Thanks," Lindsay whispered as Danny gave her the cup of tea. Hawkes sat across from her and checked her blood pressure. He sighed.
"Lindsay, what were you doing in Emily's room?" he asked finally. Lindsay turned to look at him.
"What?" she asked. "What do you mean?"
"Why did you want to feed her?"
"I heard her!" Lindsay said affirmative.
"You couldn't have heard her, Linds. She's not here." Danny said. It hurt so bad to see his wife like this. Lindsay looked at him. She pierced him with her look and looked straight into his eyes. Then she shook her head.
"I'm not crazy!" she yelled and let the cup slip down to the floor. "I heard her. I didn't imagine it, Danny. She cried. And I heard it." Lindsay bit on her finger-nails and rocked herself. "I'm not crazy, Danny."
"It's okay, Lindsay." Hawkes said and patted her knee. "I'll give you something so you can sleep, okay?"
"I'm not crazy, Danny!" Lindsay repeated as he lay her down on the bed and put the blanket over her. Then he knelt down beside her side of the bed and stroked her hair.
"I know, baby!" he said. "I know." Danny kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes and sighed.
"I've heard her. And you don't believe me," Lindsay sobbed. "Why didn't you believe me?"
"Shh, honey. Don't…" He stroked her hair over and over, but he just couldn't stand this. It was just too painful. He thought he would lose her on this. He was so scared that they might not make it through, that their love wasn't strong enough for it. He kissed her forehead once more. Then he got up and left silently the room.
As Danny left her, Lindsay had opened her eyes. She watched him leaving the room, could take a look at him, and saw that he left shaking his head, touching his forehead, like he always did when he wasn't seeing any chances for something to end up good. She closed her eyes and felt her tears forming in them. A few of them fell down her cheeks. She wiped them off and was so angry at herself that she wasn't be able to be as strong as he was. She wasn't good enough to be his wife. She'd failed in protecting her baby. She'd failed in being strong; being strong for her daughter and him. She sighed and slowly she felt the sedative Hawkes had given her affecting her body to calm down and sink into a dreamless sleep. First she tried to fight it, but soon she let it come over her body and mind.
"Thanks Hawkes," Danny said. He crossed his arms and sighed.
"You're welcome. I'll leave you alone now. Take care of her, alright?"
"What you think?" Hawkes looked quite a bit confused.
"I mean, what do you think about her hearing Emily's cries?"
Hawkes shrugged and rubbed his eyes. "She's in emotional stress right now. It's quite possible that she's trying to tell herself that Emily is still here and that she needs her."
"Ya," Danny whispered. "But she sounded so confident."
"I know, but we all know Emily isn't here right now. Give her some time. I know it's hard for both of you, but we'll try everything possible to find her." Hawkes suddenly looked down to the floor. He sighed.
What was he doing here? he thought. He tried to convince them that they shouldn't give up hope, but how big was the chance that they would see her again?
He shook his head.
Why the hell was he thinking about something like that?
Because he'd seen too much pain. He exactly knew when hope was lost. He knew the very moment… the moment when the hope was brought in, the moment it was lying right in front of him and he had to do the autopsy. Then it was when all hope just died all at once – once again underneath his hands.
"Danny," he said in a very low voice. "You know… you know that we do all in our power to find her." Danny nodded though he had to breathe heavy.
"I don't wanna sound like if I have given up hope yet, but you'd seen it before, too. You should consider that there's the possibility that…" Hawkes stopped. Mainly because he just couldn't tell his friend that he maybe won't see his baby girl again. He saw how Danny was fighting against the tears.
"Ya," Danny whispered finally. He breathed in deeply and looked Hawkes in the eyes.
Danny stepped forward and pulled Hawkes into a manly one armed hug. He patted Hawkes' back and the Doc returned the gesture before Danny stepped back again.
"Give yourself a chance to rest, too. I know it's hard but right now there's nothing you can do." Hawkes said before he left the apartment. Danny closed the door behind him. He sighed and let himself slip down to the floor. He leaned his head against the door and let his eyes run through the room. Suddenly he stayed focused on the curtain blowing by the warm wind which blew outside through the open window. He closed his eyes and could almost feel the cold wind of this December day as he had this odd feeling for the first time.
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